The mess of the ending 2

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Ok... .Please excuse my moaning now... .She baked a huge love heart shaped valentines cake... .obviously not for me... .and left it out in the kitchen... .  Yep, this is torture.

You are asking to disregard your pain, and also to bear witness to it.   My son does this, he has a wry sense of humor which makes it easier for him to pull it off. It's ok to be in pain, no need to make any apologies for your suffering. Many people here understand the grief.  

It's cruel what she is doing. She is also very ill. And the laws are not helping your situation -- they dictate that you must stay in the home while she behaves this way. Are there other ways to take care of yourself that you haven't explored because they're uncomfortable or outside your comfort zone? Can you stay with someone, or stay in a hotel, so that you have a reprieve from this? Even temporarily. There have been people on this board who managed to have a custody schedule where the parent who did not have the kids stayed somewhere else. They were both living in the house, just not at the same time.

It also sounds like she is testing your boundaries by starting to talk to you. She sees that there are some chinks in the armor. It may get worse.

Recovering from these relationships is that it comes in waves. The pain will come, subside, come again. Lean into the pain so it doesn't get all backed up inside you somewhere. That just makes it take longer to heal.

Because eventually you will heal from this.

[livednlearned]

Ok... .Please excuse my moaning now... .She baked a huge love heart shaped valentines cake... .obviously not for me... .and left it out in the kitchen... .  Yep, this is torture.

You are asking to disregard your pain, and also to bear witness to it.   My son does this, he has a wry sense of humor which makes it easier for him to pull it off. It's ok to be in pain, no need to make any apologies for your suffering. Many people here understand the grief.  

It's cruel what she is doing. She is also very ill. And the laws are not helping your situation -- they dictate that you must stay in the home while she behaves this way. Are there other ways to take care of yourself that you haven't explored because they're uncomfortable or outside your comfort zone? Can you stay with someone, or stay in a hotel, so that you have a reprieve from this? Even temporarily. There have been people on this board who managed to have a custody schedule where the parent who did not have the kids stayed somewhere else. They were both living in the house, just not at the same time.

It also sounds like she is testing your boundaries by starting to talk to you. She sees that there are some chinks in the armor. It may get worse.

Recovering from these relationships is that it comes in waves. The pain will come, subside, come again. Lean into the pain so it doesn't get all backed up inside you somewhere. That just makes it take longer to heal.

Because eventually you will heal from this.

[SES]

Panda and Livednlearned... .thanks as always.

It does suck.  I'm quite fed up with it.  She has no remorse.  I'm in the house with her last night and this morning.  She has the kids this morning.  She sent a text to say my son was ill, I asked what was wrong, but she took him to school anyway (he didn't seem ill when he came to say goodbye).  She then sent a text complaining that I hadn't told her about the car breakdown cover needing renewal, and that "Im glad we can both put our differences behind us and be helpful towards eachother".  It was a joint policy in my name, which I renewed just for me/my car.  Her text, and behaviour, has really set me thinking/ruminating... .She clearly has no remorse regarding her affair, our divorce, her dishonesty, her behaviour during and after the affair came out, the impact on our kids, the loss of our home, the loss of some of my possessions, the hurtful things she has said, the lies she has told, the false allegations, the assaults, the rage, the attempts to make me feel so awful, suggesting I was going to kill myself and my kids, having the police at our home... .I find it hard to cope with her absence of humanity, and lack of respect/understanding for the hurt she has caused.  I know, she isn't capable of these things.  I'll never see that from her.  All I can do is try to minimise the impact she has on me.   She does seem quite psychopathic... .no care in the world... .having a great time... .almost a year into her relationship with her "partner"... .it is a truly awful situation to find myself in.

Livednlearned... .I'm embracing the sadness/pain today.   When I don't have the kids I go out until late.  At the weekends I go away, with or without the kids.  I can't stay in the house, it isn't condusive to living, I still audio record whenever I'm in the house. 

[SES]

Ok... .I made a mistake today... .I tried to put some boundaries down regarding her paying some household bills... .As a result I was drawn into discussing more than I planned re kids.  I took the bait... .Now I have to retreat to safety of minimal contact.  I recognise my mistake... .It hasn't helped me, in fact, just led me a merry dance and left me miserable.   I just need to step away, and withdraw.    ...   it drives me round the bend.  I hold my hands up, it was my poor judgement.  It was so easy for me to get caught up in her lies, game playing and provocation.    I can't believe I managed to be with her for fourteen years!

[EaglesJuju]

This thread has reached its post limit, and is now closed. This is a worthwhile topic, and you are free to start a new thread to continue the conversation. Thanks for your understanding... .