dealing with the fall out.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

How am I supposed deal with the fallout? Every one of our mutual friends hates me. I have received messages from friends telling me not to contact them because of whatever she is saying.  She has done  this in everyone of her relationships. Is it that hard to notice this pattern? I have noticed she has friends that she rarely meets up with and they are the ones who support her the most. Is this normal for BPD?

[rapror496]

How am I supposed deal with the fallout? Every one of our mutual friends hates me. I have received messages from friends telling me not to contact them because of whatever she is saying.  She has done  this in everyone of her relationships. Is it that hard to notice this pattern? I have noticed she has friends that she rarely meets up with and they are the ones who support her the most. Is this normal for BPD?

[Deeno02]

I dont know. Mine kept me pretty segregated from her friends in our 16 months. My take is, keep to the high road, dont over explain if asked and just let it roll on its course.

[Perdita]

I dont know. Mine kept me pretty segregated from her friends in our 16 months. My take is, keep to the high road, dont over explain if asked and just let it roll on its course.

Mine segregated me more and more from his too.  We have no real mutual friends.  He never wanted to hang out with my friends or family.  Well, one time but that was about 30 minutes for quick drinks.  It had to be all about him and what he wanted all the time.

Rapror, how important are those mutual friends really to you?  Is it such a big loss?  I don't understand why these friends can't see the pattern, but this is true of many personality disordered types. People don't see.   I've seen this before and it remains a big mystery to me too.

[Tim300]

Post breakup, mine has taken out one of my friends.  God knows what she is saying about me.  I guess I'll take it as a compliment that she finds this distortion campaign necessary even though she discarded me.  I say good riddance to this "friend" of mind, who hasn't even reached out to hear what I have to say.

In your shoes, with your entire network taken down, I would be tempted to direct friends to read about BPD (as long as doing so wouldn't put your job or physical safety in jeopardy).

[Perdita]

One thing I do know for a fact is that mine told me some secrets of his close friends and is now terrified that they will find out that he told me.  He has been smearing me to them in particular.  Two already know that I know their secrets.  I know that he's been coming up with all kinds of lies as to how I found out.   Lies that make me look bad.   It's just so stupid.

At any rate, they will smear you to try and keep their very own secrets from coming to light.  That seems to be one of their biggest fears.  They don't want people to know how messed up they are.

[Deeno02]

One thing I do know for a fact is that mine told me some secrets of his close friends and is now terrified that they will find out that he told me.  He has been smearing me to them in particular.  Two already know that I know their secrets.  I know that he's been coming up with all kinds of lies as to how I found out.   Lies that make me look bad.   It's just so stupid.

At any rate, they will smear you to try and keep their very own secrets from coming to light.  That seems to be one of their biggest fears.  They don't want people to know how messed up they are.

Lol! Same here!

[Tim300]

It seems like if people in your network find out that the person has BPD, and these people take the time to actually investigate what BPD is, that should do a lot to clear things up.  Although, I would be fearful of disclosing or doing anything that might trigger the pwBPD to become unhinged towards you.

I imagine that once a network finds out that a person has BPD, the pwPBD will be inclined to start cultivating a new network with ignorant targets.  If I had been fully briefed on BPD before things got serious, wow, I really wouldn't have let it get serious.       

[drummerboy]

Mine did a smear on a mutual friend, I was actually much closer to the mutual friend than my ex was. At first I was peed off but then I realised that the mutual friend is quite naive and a bit of a simpleton, she is one of those people that believes the last person they talked to. I realise that I really don't need this person in my life.

I have a theory about the BPD smear campaign. Once they know that you see through their bs there is a risk that you will tell their friends. So they have to totally trash your name so that if you go start telling their friends about the real person they don't believe you because the BPD has done such a good smear job on you that we are made out to be the unhinged one.

Never underestimate how vile and unhinged these people are.