schools

[momtara]

In my town, there are some decent charter schools.  The public schools aren't bad for young kids, but in later years they aren't great.  Thinking of applying older kid to charter.  It's hard to get into these schools (they do it by lottery and a lot of people apply) so he probably won't get in anyway.  I want to apply and see what happens, then decide.  I emailed my ex (we have joint legal so I'd assume I have to run this past him) and his response was, I don't like the idea, don't apply.  I'd assume I need permission to send him, but just to fill out an application, what's the harm?  I know he wants to feel more in control.  Wondering if there's a good way to handle this.  Normally I let myself be intimidated by him (he can sound pretty harsh with this no, never stuff) and I hate when he's angry but I don't want to close off any choices.  The deadlines are soon.

[momtara]

And also prefer to avoid making him mad.  So saying "Ha ha, I have the right to apply at least" isn't the tack I want to take. 

[ForeverDad]

What are the settlement terms?  Are you Residential Parent?  (That's a no-brainer, his parenting is limited, of course you would be even if it isn't stated, however it is better to have it in writing to forestall objections.)  Do you have Full, Decision-making, Tie-breaker or Joint status for major issues?

• Full ... .you decide and inform ex of your decision



• Decision-making ... .you decide and inform ex of your decision



• Tie-breaker ... .you ask ... .and inform ex of your decision



• Joint ... .you ask ... .and if no agreement then court decides

Likely one reason he said No is that charter schools have higher tuition and he doesn't want to be obligated to pay the extra tuition expenses?  This is where the order comes in.  If he isn't obligated to pay extra for at least a portion of your choices that are more expensive than normal childhood expenses, then you may have to shoulder the extra costs yourself.

Beware of promising to pay all extras costs forevermore.  If he gets a great job and has lots of money a few years from now, you want to be able to adjust any agreement to reflect his improved ability to provide child support.

[Matt]

Separated 2006, divorced mid-2008.  In 2009 I began working in another town - a five-hour drive each way - driving there every Monday morning and home later in the week.  After a week of that I decided to relocate and take the kids - officially 50/50 but I was doing most of the parenting even though I was gone a few nights a week.

As we worked that out over the course of several months - we used a mediator but that didn't work til I told my ex that if she didn't work it out with me I would file for full custody and disclose all the stuff she had done - I checked out schools and found that the best option was a charter school - middle and high school.  The kids were 9 and 10 so that was a good fit.  It's among the top schools in the US - far better than the other schools in town.

It's a lottery, and by applying for both kids at the same time, our chances were better, because if either kid got in the other would go to the top of the waiting list.  D(then)10 was very high on the waiting list, and S(then)9 not so high.  But several kids moved, so D10 got in, S9 sent to the top of the waiting list, and with a few days before school somebody moved and he got in too.

It's the best thing that ever happened to us.  My kids are good students and very nerdy, and it's a good school for nerds.  It's safe and the teachers are mostly great, and the few that aren't - I've had to talk with the principal about one teacher and one coach - changes were made to fix the problems.

Of course nothing comes without a cost.  One of the keys to this school's success is that they put the classroom first - lower student/teacher ratio - which means no cafeteria, no lunch ladies, no buses or bus drivers, no library or librarian, no school nurse, no custodian - parents help clean the place and shovel snow - no baseball or football team, etc.  All those sound like big losses, but the culture of the place is different - it's about academics not football - so they are just acceptable losses.  Virtually 100% graduation rate and 100% college acceptance.  The teachers all know my kids very, very well, and really care about giving every kid what he or she needs - even those who aren't the fastest get the help they need to graduate and get into a good college.

I started the application process without discussing it with the kids' mom or the kids themselves.  I figured why fight over it unnecessarily?  But when they were put on the waiting list - so it wasn't clear what school they would be going to just a few weeks before school started - I had to tell the kids and their mom, and figure out how to proceed with minimal fighting.

By that time, I had established that I would do what is best for the kids, and if that means lawyering up, so be it.  My ex knew that if she fought me on this I would make my case in court and win.  But I didn't taunt her with that, I gave her all the information about the school, and about the other school if they didn't get into the charter school, so she could see for herself that it wasn't even close.  I gave her contact information so she could talk to the principal or whoever and not feel too left out of the process.  I never asked her permission or even her opinion, just told her that I had started the process, and if they got into the charter, then we could decide.

When they got in, I took the lead again, and let her know that I would take them to the charter, but in a way that wasn't (I hope) confrontational - just common sense - it's a great school and we got lucky so it goes without saying that we'll let the kids benefit from our great good fortune.

One other aspect to be aware of is the political hostility some people have toward charter schools.  I just saw a Facebook post by a friend of mine, claiming that charter schools can discriminate on the basis of race, and can reject special needs kids, and they get more money than other public schools, etc. - all 100% false, at least where I live.  There are political reasons why these things are said about charter schools.  You may want to be aware of how charters really work where you live - do they really get more money per kid?  (Where I live they get a little less!)  Do they discriminate or is it a fair admission process?  Can they throw kids out if they want to, or reject kids who have special needs?  Be prepared in case your ex comes up with some of this baloney - know the facts so you can show what the truth is and keep the focus on what is best for your son.  You can also probably get 4th, 7th and 10th grade test scores showing how this charter school's performance compares with other schools in your area, and graduation rates and college acceptance rates - hard data that will show which school is really best.

You may want to also meet with the principal - get a tour of the school - ask every question you have and every question you think your ex might have, so you can be prepared for his questions and arguments.  My ex tried to argue some of these points but I was able to say for sure how it really was, and to show evidence - I printed out the statistics and showed them to her - so she knew if she fought me over this it would be clear I was doing what was best for the kids.

If the charter you're looking at is as good as the one where my kids go - they're now a junior and senior, and D(now)18 has already been accepted to a couple of good schools and has a good chance to get into an Ivy League school! - this could be one of the best things you could do for your son.  Well worth the hassle of getting it down - maybe convincing your ex or facing him down somehow.  And if your son doesn't win the lottery this year, it's probably worth trying again next year.

[david]

I would apply  and gather as much info to back up your decision. If son gets accepted than enroll him. Let ex take you to court. If you have evidence proving it is best for the child than that should be all you need. Ex would have to disprove it.

At most you can send him an email asking for his reasons for objecting. If it doesn't make sense than you don't have to engage. Move forward with your plan.

[momtara]

Thanks, all, and thanks especially for that detailed discussion, Matt.  Sounds like you did a great job.

We are joint custody.  But our agreement says we have to discuss major decisions.  Doesn't specifically say we have to agree on every one of them.  I am parent of primary residence and have them most of the time.  I doubt he'd want court over this.  But he is still very ardent about wanting to agree on everything and gets upset if I do something without him (which sometimes I have to, on smaller things.)

I need to word something to him like, I'm just applying, we can decide further if he gets in.  I want to do it without driving him nuts.  He has the kids this weekend so I need to be delicate but not give too much away.

The charters are free, so no added cost in any way.  I'm still not sure they're the right choice, but want to apply to at least one.

[momtara]

Matt, yes, some of his objections are political and not very informed.  You are on the ball about this one.

One point in favor of keeping him in the regular public schools is that the teachers and social workers are probably more used to dealing with crazy exes and special issues than a charter is.  That alone almost wants to make me drop this whole thing, but one of the charters seems pretty good. 

[livednlearned]

I had the exact same situation. I wanted to try and get S13 into a private middle school that gives out generous financial aid to single parents. So I applied. The deadline was around the corner and I had to act. I told N/BPDx I did it after I sent in the application. He blew up email, text messages, got his L involved, obsessed about it, but also offered no solutions, no alternatives, and no reason for why he was against it. He just was. He was against me making "unilateral" decisions, his favorite accusation back then. That didn't go over well in court.

Then we got a parent coordinator, and even though S13 didn't get accepted (N/BPD was so hostile toward me in the parent interview that I'm pretty sure they stopped it at 30 min instead of the usual 45 min), N/BPDx kept harping on it. I think it was the first issue where the PC realized this guy gets stuck on things, and can't move on.

So maybe this is part of the strategy where you document that the two of you can't make decisions together. You research the school, have good reasons for wanting to apply, behave like a normal, invested parent. And then your ex has to defend his position, which is going to be a bunch of hooey.

[david]

My ex never offers alternatives too. Even in our co parent counseling meetings we are currently going through. Ex has a complaint but no solution. I have offered solutions and the counselor thought they were reasonable. Ex doesn't like them since they are coming from me.

I also noticed the same thing in court. I offer solutions and ex has nothing to offer. Judges like when you have a solution.

[Matt]

My ex never offers alternatives too. Even in our co parent counseling meetings we are currently going through. Ex has a complaint but no solution. I have offered solutions and the counselor thought they were reasonable. Ex doesn't like them since they are coming from me.

I also noticed the same thing in court. I offer solutions and ex has nothing to offer. Judges like when you have a solution.

A couple of important points here... .

First, in a court setting, or mediation, where there are professionals present, it can be effective, as David suggests, to always be looking for sensible solutions, and putting them forward clearly, and explaining how your ideas will work out well for everyone, especially the kids.  Then, instead of focusing on your ex, look at the professionals - the judge, or both lawyers, or the mediator - and expect them to carry the ball from there.  It's their job, once a good solution has been identified, to convince your ex, and if that doesn't work, your ex will look bad and you will be seen as a practical problem-solver.

But it's different when there is no professional present - when it's just you and your ex.  What I have found works best in those situations is to say what I will do and then do it.  I usually send an e-mail - as brief and clear as possible - stating the situation and what I am going to do about it.  I look for solutions that don't require my ex to do anything, so I don't have to convince her what to do, and she can't screw things up passive-aggressively.  Any plan that depends on her to do something, she'll either argue about it, or "forget", or find some way to do it wrong.

So I look for a solution that requires nothing from her, and I tell her what I'm going to do, in an e-mail so there is a record, and then I do it.  Sometimes she replies "OK", or no reply at all, and that's fine.  Once in a while she may reply with an objection - maybe there's a good reason that my plan won't work out well for her or the kids and I need to re-think it.  She won't offer an alternate plan, just points out the flaws with my plan, so I still have to take the initiative.

My kids are used to all this - it's normal to them - so they don't expect solutions from her.  They either follow my lead or tell me if there's a problem and we need to make a change.

[momtara]

All good solutions!  Thanks, all.  Yeah, David, I've started to do that thing where I don't ask for anything from him so there isn't a continued back and forth.  It's good advice.  I'm learning slowly.

Livedandlearned, what a nightmare.  An ex raging at you is one thing.  An ex actually canceling things and ruining opportunities for your child is another.

Now our parent coordinator who we were supposed to start with has pushed back our starting date because of some conflict, which is giving me such anxiety.  It took five days of emailing to get ex to agree on a date.  I can't really complain to her - wouldn't make me look good - so we're trying to settle on a new date.

All of that said, the kids are happy and healthy (for now) and so I have to look at that.  I think things may get easier when we start with PC.  Or maybe not!

[david]

My kids have become used to this too. They don't expect their mom to help them so they don't go to her for help. Ex twists that into me alienating them from her. I get the email accusations and ignore. I get the accusations in the counselor meetings and I simply say it isn't true.

Ex actually went with the alienation theme at the last meeting. I pointed out several things from seven years ago that ex did which was clearly an attempt at alienating the children against me. I then explained how I handled it without denigrating ex at all. I never accused ex of doing the things but it was obvious from the stories that someone had coached both boys. The counselor even commented with my second example of how well I handled it to ex. Ex had nothing in response and just went back to accusations and no specific examples. She didn't deny what I was saying either and the examples did show that she was the one behind it. Went right over her head because she is in her own reality.

Being able to do this in front of counselors,mediators, courts, etc took some time for me to learn. It wasn't natural for me before because I had never experienced behaviors from anyone like ex before so I used to be thrown off balance.

The court system is extremely slow. It took a while for me to adjust. If you recall, I filed for a custody modification in August of 2012 and still haven't been in front of a judge. However, since this last Sept I have a temp order giving me the extra time I was seeking.

[Matt]

Momtara, have you been able to find data to back up your view that the charter school is probably a good one?

It may be available from the schools' web sites - where I live, they usually post average scores on standard math and English tests for 4th, 7th and 10th grades, so you can compare the charter with the other schools in the area and see if it significantly better.

And there are some web sites that "review" schools - various data plus parents' comments.  So you can probably print out quite a bit of data that supports (or doesn't) your expectation that the charter is better.

Still doesn't mean that the "best" school is the best fit for every child, and it may very well be that the charter doesn't have all the extra services of the other schools, like a counselor.

Where my kids go, there are two very good counselors, one for academic issues like preparing for college, and one for other problems that kids have.  You can probably meet with the principal at each school, and ask those questions, and maybe even meet with each school's counselor(s), to judge for yourself.  Shop!

The reason I'm emphasizing data is because - when this was an issue between my ex and me - I noticed that all her arguments were subjective and hypothetical - she brought no data or facts of any sort, and hadn't met with anybody at the charter school or even called them or checked out their web site - all just vague opinions based on no data at all.  By contrast, I brought print-outs of the performance of all the schools we were discussing, and I had met with the superintendent and asked lots of questions, so I could state facts.  If she said, "Charter schools don't have counselors" I could say, "This school does have a counselor.  Her name is Ms. Smith and she is there to help just the same as the counselor in the other school."  If she said "Charter schools don't pay their teachers as much so they're not as good." I could say "This school keeps teachers longer than most public schools because they like it there, they take pride in the school's high performance, and they have smaller classes so they can get to know each kid better.  I know that because I talked with the superintendent and with several parents who have kids in this school."

Facts, data, research, evidence will stack up well against vague arguments.

[momtara]

Actually, this is all very preliminary.  I don't actually care if he goes yet - I care if he goes in later grades.  it's just easier to apply in kindergarten because there are more spots.  Yes, in later grades (not now) the test scores are better etc.  I may, in the end, put this off a year or two.  If I *was* to put my child in the charter, then wanted to move him back to public, it would be harder to convince the ex, so I may stick with what I've got for the time being.  The issue of resources is a big one - my son seems a bit behind so I may want to keep him where he is for now.  Maybe this is a battle we'll have next year instead.

[Matt]

It sounds like you're looking at it from various angles, and thinking about the best long-term strategy for your son, which is exactly what a parent should do.

Where I live, if you apply this year but don't win the lottery, you can apply again next year, with no bias.  So if you want your child in the charter, the best strategy (here) is to apply every year.  Of course, once he gets into the charter, he's there as long as you want - no more lotteries.  (Some kids go back to the other public schools, for a variety of reasons, like if they want to play football.  But I've never considered that as an option, because our charter is so much better academically than the other schools, and that's what I think is most important for my kids.)

So... .you can gather information, and sift through it, and choose the right strategy, and if you decide that staying pat is best for now, and applying to the charter in a year or two or three, then you don't have to have any conflict right now.  Or if you decide that it's best to apply now, because you have better odds now than in future years, then that may be the best thing to do, and if your son gets in, then you will need to explain it to his father the best you can, and if he decides to fight then you'll be well-prepared to explain your decision.

[momtara]

That's how it is here too.  Son also has a younger sibling, and when sibling applies in a few years, it could help them both, so that may be a strategy.

I am trying to think, "If I were raising my son alone, what would I do?"

I'd probably apply him, see if he got in, do more research, let him go for a year, and if I thought he might get better help in the regular public schools, I'd return to them after a year.  It's always easier to get back into the public schools than to get into the charter.  

However, with my ex, I'm not sure.  Say I get into the charter and I beg ex to give this a shot.  Then I realize my son is not getting the kind of help and support he might get in the public schools.  It's a much harder battle to switch back and ex could successfully fight it.

Another factor is that my son is right on the age cutoff and he is behind the other kids generally.  I am thinking that after a year, I may want to hold him back.  I think this is more likely to happen in the public schools.  It will also be a battle with my ex.  

I am leaning now toward waiting a year or two with this charter school stuff.   I guess that wouldn't be the choice I'd make if I were alone, but the differences in schools at this stage are kind of negligible.  It changes more as we go on.

I just hope I'm not doing this because of intimidation from ex.  Knowing him, a month from now, he might tell me, "I would have been ok with the charter" when it's too late to apply.  But I'm really kinda on the fence about applying anyway. 

We're in a city, so the charters are generally better.  A lot of our friends are already moving away because of the schools.

[Matt]

That's how it is here too.  Son also has a younger sibling, and when sibling applies in a few years, it could help them both, so that may be a strategy.

I am trying to think, "If I were raising my son alone, what would I do?"

That's the right question!  And it's hard to stay focused on that, because we're so used to asking instead, "How can I keep the peace with Ex?".  Best to figure out what's best for the child and everything flows from that.

In our charter, if the older child is admitted, then the younger child goes to the top of the wait list.  So if one child gets in it's almost certain the younger kids will be accepted too, when they are the right age.

I would definitely suggest you do all your homework as soon as possible, and make sure to meet with the principles of both schools, and ask all your questions.  When I did that I learned a lot - lots of information that is out there about charter schools turned out to be completely wrong (at least in this case).  Don't assume that you're the first parent who asked about a counselor, for example - they may not have one but it's pretty certain they have encountered the issue before and the principle will be able to answer your questions very well.  If that's a key issue, I would also suggest you ask to meet with the counselor so you don't take anything for granted.

If you look down the road - higher grades - and you see that - using our schools as an example - the charter is in the top 1% nationwide and the other school is in the middle of all the schools in the US - the gap in performance is huge - then I would suggest you take that as the key factor in all this, and build your strategy around it.  You may have the chance to give your son a first-class education at no additional cost, or a mediocre education, depending on how soon you apply to the best school so you have the best chance of being accepted.  But of course I am assuming that your charter is as excellent as ours, and that may not be true - that's the research you have to do.

[livednlearned]

My son is young for his grade, and N/BPDx wanted to hold him back -- a lot of parents do it in this district (called "red-shirting" because it can give their kids, and boys in particular, a sports advantage. But S13 was reading before he got into school, and apparently some schools will not let you hold your child back. You might want to check that with the public schools where you live.

Is it possible to submit an application and not announce it? Or do you need your ex's signature in order to apply? If not, just apply and you can discuss it with him if your son gets admitted.

Or you can say that you're adamant S goes to a public school and then sit back while ex insists on charter school. 

[Matt]

Is it possible to submit an application and not announce it? Or do you need your ex's signature in order to apply? If not, just apply and you can discuss it with him if your son gets admitted.

Yeah, this is what I did;  I figured it's 75% likely they won't get in the first year so why fight over it?  (But we got lucky and they did get in... .)

[momtara]

I can submit without telling him and until today was considering doing so.  However, it creates a problem if he gets in or gets wait listed, I tell ex, and he is furious I did it without telling him.  Sometimes it's better to bite the bullet and somehow tell him.

If I thought it was a big academic difference at this stage, I'd be fighting harder.

It's due tomorrow and as of today I just think I'll wait a year or two.  

If it wasn't for ex, I would probably apply and do more research if he got in.  (There is about a 20 percent chance to get in.)    Unfortunately, I *do* have to weigh the fact that the public schools are better used to dealing with people like my ex and kids from broken families.  

As for holding kids back, my son is behind.  If he were a top student, I'd be more likely to push for the charter at this stage.  My younger child is more of a top student but not yet school age.

Going to consider all the options tonight, but I am probably not going to apply for now.  I really wish it wasn't so early in the year that they made the deadlines! 

I'm stressed today because we had to reschedule our parent coordinating meeting and now it's five days before he takes the kids for the weekend.  That should be enough time for him to cool off from the trigger effect of such a meeting, but I prefer to make them before a weekend when I have the kids.  Ugh.  

[livednlearned]

Honestly, I think your question: What would I do if I was a single parent? -- that's the way to go with these things. Otherwise, your son's whole life, you will be second-guessing in order to prevent your ex from sabotage. You short change your kids when you do that. Don't talk yourself out of something that has no real cost except an aversion to conflict. Your kids will think the world is filled with egg shells. Even if we don't talk about these decisions with them, they pick up on it in us. It will surprise you so much when they're older to discover how much they really know how you function in the world.

You have a PC, and this is what they are for. If you do something positive for your child, that shows forethought and diligence, and your son gets accepted, and you mention this to your ex and he blows up, I guarantee you that the PC will not for one second focus on your actions, he or she will focus on your ex's reactions.

I wasn't entirely convinced that my son needed a psycho-educational evaluation for a learning disability, but I did because trained professionals suspected he had one. I wasn't entirely convinced that he needed a 504 plan to give him accommodations in school. I knew for both of those things, that it was going to be one long exhausting high conflict battle with N/BPDx because I was involved, for no other reason. But I did it because the teachers and professionals felt it would help him socially and emotionally to get services. And the process was awful. I thought I worked in an office with a lot of meetings, but nothing compares to the special needs process in public schools. Wow. Meeting, after meeting, after meeting, after meeting. All with dozens of teachers, the vice principals, this and that specialist, student interns, you name it.

And each of those meetings, I had to sit in a room with N/BPDx, who painted me out to be a high-strung Munchausen mom trying to get attention by making my gifted son seem special needs.

But when it came to the first modification of custody, the stonewalling and obstructing that N/BPDx did around something as simple as trying to get my son accommodations (not resources, just accommodations), the judge was stumped. Why would N/BPDx not want his son tested? Why wouldn't N/BPDx want his child to be able to have the option to type his assignments instead of write them in pencil? Why did N/BPDx reject the ADD diagnosis if he himself had the same dx? How could he say that LnL wanted a special needs child if she was emailing the gifted services teacher about moving son into a more advanced math class? N/BPDx had no answers to any of these questions. Just sputtering and disordered thinking.

You have to be careful about getting too sucked into the short game, because this is the long game. Focus on what you want for your kids.

[david]

My ex is all about appearances so she tends to behave in school meetings etc. The only problem is she is good at changing the topic and if we had meetings together she would change whatever topic I was trying to address. I decided to have separate meetings when S11 was in second grade. The school resisted at first. Once they witnessed how well things worked it became standard operating procedure.

Following the idea of what you would do as a single parent works the best for me too. The difficult part is to let go whatever ex is doing at her place that I don't agree with. However, our boys are older now and they see the difference between both households. S16 rarely confronts ex but that is because he rarely interacts with his mom when he is with her. S11 just started challenging his moms perceptions and is experiencing the the wrath. There was an incident a few weeks ago that he challenged his mom and mom gave a ridiculous response. S11 went to S16 and asked him what he thought. They talked and both agree mom wasn't making sense. A few days later I picked them up at school and they told me what happened. I listened and told S11 that I thought he made a good decision to talk to S16 about it. They didn't ask me my opinion so I didn't volunteer one. I realized we were all on the same page so I didn't need to say anything.

S11 later asked me a few things about it and we had a good conversation.

[PinkieV]

Not to put any pressure on you, but if you're seriously thinking of holding your son back, transferring him to a charter school may be a good idea.  He'll be at a new school and make new friends, and not have to deal with his friends now moving ahead without him.  Just a thought.

[Matt]

Another aspect of this is, whatever school the kids are in, when the child has one parent who has BPD (or whatever), it's probably that much more important for the more-or-less healthy parent (that would be you Momtara!) to establish good, strong relationships with all the other adults who are important in your kids' lives.

When they are young - like kindergarten for example - that may be just the one teacher the child is with all day.  Later they have different teachers for different classes, plus maybe coaches, best friend's parents, etc.  There are a number of adults who are playing big roles in my kids' lives now - both in high school - none of whom I chose but all of whom I need to work with in some way.  So there's an increasing burden to find the right time and way to introduce myself and talk a little about each kid - parent/teacher meetings, sports practices, etc.

It's important for a bunch of reasons, one being that if and when the less-healthy parent starts to create trouble - people with BPD are very good at creating chaos and then stepping aside and not getting any on them - the other adults in your child's life will already know you and won't assume you're at fault.  They're more likely then to turn to you for help in fixing whatever is busted, and less likely to believe whatever story the other parent tells them.

Plus, you'll be able to trade ideas and experiences and find ways to help your child through the next ten or so years.

And worst case, if you find yourself in legal conflict with the other parent, it will become apparent at some point which parent is doing the job and which is just creating problems.  The parent who is actively involved in the child's education is usually going to get the support of the court.

[momtara]

Thought I posted this but I don't see it up there.  Over the last year, my ex opposed lots of recommendations from doctors and teachers.  I still did the right thing.  I went to the specialists and got him extra help and didn't buckle.  Our then-PC agreed with me.  My exH did the same thing as LandL's - said I was taking him to unnecessary appointments, etc.  My PC called the doctor, who said I wasn't taking him to any unnecessary appointments.  It was still painful and long to fight with ex, since he has joint legal custody, but I got son the help he needed.

If I wasn't on the fence about this to begin with, it would be easier.  I just don't know if I want to aggravate ex or tip him off about something I'm not sure of yet.  And I have to decide tomorrow, which isn't enough time.  I did a pros and cons for doing the charter this year and it comes out about even.

As for holding him back, that'd be next year.  The schools won't do it yet. 

I wish we could talk about this at the PC, but we don't see her for two weeks.  I also wish I could just wait a few years for the charter, which I kind of can, just have a better shot now than in a few years.  But still, people have gotten in later.

Well, I will decide tonight, then move on and try not to second guess myself, which really wears me down!

[david]

If you hesitate because of ex being aggravated you may regret not doing what you think is right. Focus on kids and what you think is best the go with that.