Went to court today

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I am chiming in to let everyone know about court today.I was very nervous and I was hoping she did not show up for the OOP.Well she did show up with an angry face on.

I had my lawyer and we went in front of the judge.It was pretty cut and dry.I ended up with a 90 day OOP.I took that deal.I figure it was better than 1 year.

If I can stay away and have no issues in the 90 days this will not be on my record at all.It will be like it never happened.This is good.

What I am angry and bitter about was her ''acting'' like the victim and her ''blaming'' me.That hurt me and I almost started crying but held strong.

This bothers me to know end how she pulled this off.She was able to turn everything around and make me look like an abuser.This will be a hard pill top swallow for the days ahead.

She forgot tomention anything she had done to me.The pathological lies,the manipulation,the going back on cocaine.She forgot to mention the way she played so many mind games with my head and the torment this caused me.She forgot to mention manipulating 500.00 off me for her cocaine.That 500.00 was for her to help her and her daughter.The 500.00 was used for her and a friend to snort lines.

Those are just some of the things she forgot to mention.This made me so angry and hurt to see a woman who loved me so much in the beginning and know wants to ruin me and send me to jail.Very conflicting.

So here I am staying strong but I want her to own what she did.I want an apology.But it looks like I may never get this from her.

After court I went to Therapy and we talked about letting go and my own BITTERNESS.This will take some time to process he said.I feel ok but very bitter at what she was able to do and turn this all around on me.All I want was an I am sorry Mike.

[NYMike]

I am chiming in to let everyone know about court today.I was very nervous and I was hoping she did not show up for the OOP.Well she did show up with an angry face on.

I had my lawyer and we went in front of the judge.It was pretty cut and dry.I ended up with a 90 day OOP.I took that deal.I figure it was better than 1 year.

If I can stay away and have no issues in the 90 days this will not be on my record at all.It will be like it never happened.This is good.

What I am angry and bitter about was her ''acting'' like the victim and her ''blaming'' me.That hurt me and I almost started crying but held strong.

This bothers me to know end how she pulled this off.She was able to turn everything around and make me look like an abuser.This will be a hard pill top swallow for the days ahead.

She forgot tomention anything she had done to me.The pathological lies,the manipulation,the going back on cocaine.She forgot to mention the way she played so many mind games with my head and the torment this caused me.She forgot to mention manipulating 500.00 off me for her cocaine.That 500.00 was for her to help her and her daughter.The 500.00 was used for her and a friend to snort lines.

Those are just some of the things she forgot to mention.This made me so angry and hurt to see a woman who loved me so much in the beginning and know wants to ruin me and send me to jail.Very conflicting.

So here I am staying strong but I want her to own what she did.I want an apology.But it looks like I may never get this from her.

After court I went to Therapy and we talked about letting go and my own BITTERNESS.This will take some time to process he said.I feel ok but very bitter at what she was able to do and turn this all around on me.All I want was an I am sorry Mike.

[clydegriffith]

Be very very careful my friend. Hopefully she isn't too crazy or vindictive because that Order of Protection pretty much gives her the ability to have you arrested at her pleasure. She can to the police tomorrow with a complete lie about you contacting her and the law is that they have to believe her and you they can and WILL arrest you.

The BPD woman i was dealing with had me arrested 4 times within 8 months with the power of an OOP. The same sceneario each time:

1) False allegations to Police

2) I'm arrested

3) She doens't cooperate with prosecution because she knows i can prove she's lying

3) Numerous court appearances

4) Case is dismissed after many months and numerous court appearances

5) Repeat

She doesn't get charged with making a false statement to polcie or anything like that. In fact, she can just go and make another BS allegation and the police and prosecutors will go after me once again and refuse to drop the case until the speedy trial provisisons (they are most certainly not speedy) expire.

[david]

I have a video and an audio recorder with me at all times.

[ImaFita]

It is making you stronger, more patient, a better man.

These days I try and re-frame everything towards the positive.

She has put me through hell, but this put me in a position to chase my passion.

So her actions pushed me to quit my job and do something I truly enjoy.

I understand not every person is able to just quit their job, some countries don't allow that.

Nothing can beat preparation, planning and patience. Just have faith in your vision and follow it with great discipline.

If you feel bitter, than really feel it, then recognize it and move past it - something I am working on myself, it is hard.

I can't really get past the bitterness, but I know that while I'm still bitter, she is getting what she wants.

The best response to these people is to live the best possible life you can, and in order to do that - you need to deal with the bitterness.

Like I said, I am still a work in progress myself.

Good luck Mike.

[livednlearned]

You have already *bumped* into her in a grocery store, so the chances that this will happen again seem high.

In the event it does happen again, can you follow the same procedure you did before and contact law enforcement? Or, now that there is an official OOP, is it different?

Change up your routine as much as you can. This is what DV survivor/victims do. It's a big hassle because you just want to stay in your comfort zone, but for 90 days, it might be well worth the trouble.

Different grocery store, different restaurants, different route/time leaving for and returning from work. Etc.

[Waddams]

Change up your routine as much as you can. This is what DV survivor/victims do. It's a big hassle because you just want to stay in your comfort zone, but for 90 days, it might be well worth the trouble.

Different grocery store, different restaurants, different route/time leaving for and returning from work. Etc.

You might even find some new places you like and the temporary changes could become welcome new permanent changes.

[ForeverDad]

So you didn't 'admit' guilt?

Did you try to have the order be bi-lateral, have her stay away from you also during the OOP?

If you're in a small town with her, encountering her again is likely.  Did you ask the judge how to handle accidental encounters, that you've already had one - her encountering you and not you encountering her?

Closure - or admission of her poor behaviors - you certainly won't get it from her.  Don't try, it will only backfire badly, especially considering the OOP.  (Were you or your lawyer able to expose any of her poor behaviors in court?  Perhaps you lawyer could have asked, "Your honor, my client gave her $500 for her and her daughter but found out it was used to buy cocaine.  Is there any way for him to get it back and make sure it is used to buy her daughter clothing and food?"  Of course judge would not force her to return the money, but it would put on the record that she has used drugs.  (And if she vehemently objected, then your lawyer could counter, "Let's test them both in the next 24 hours, if she is free of illegal drugs then she can keep the money, if he's free of drugs then let's dismiss the OOP case."  I'm assuming you're squeaky clean.)

So what to do?  Gift yourself closure.  Let Go.  Move On.  Anything less and you face heightened risks.

[NYMike]

You have already *bumped* into her in a grocery store, so the chances that this will happen again seem high.

In the event it does happen again, can you follow the same procedure you did before and contact law enforcement? Or, now that there is an official OOP, is it different?

Change up your routine as much as you can. This is what DV survivor/victims do. It's a big hassle because you just want to stay in your comfort zone, but for 90 days, it might be well worth the trouble.

Different grocery store, different restaurants, different route/time leaving for and returning from work. Etc.

Thank You.She knows my routine pretty well and I have slowly started change this.I am stuck on her hate and blame towards me.

All I ever wanted was to love her and support her.All I ever did was was love and support her.But her anger towards me has hurt me deeply.

Yesterday in court I wanted to run towards her and tell her I am real and love you with all my heart.But I did not.

[ForeverDad]

Yesterday in court I wanted to run towards her and tell her I am real and love you with all my heart. But I did not.

That was so smart.  Otherwise you could have been viewed as a continuing problem and validating the need for an OOP.

This is a particular risk you face.  Sorry, you can't save her from herself.  Any protests of love or concern would fall on deaf ears and instead be distorted and used against you.  How can you remind yourself of this whenever those impulses come back?  They will, so figure out how to avoid putting yourself in harms way with otherwise good motives.

Also, it could have been interpreted as you trying to be a controller.  My ex's lawyer tried that tactic, asking me on the stand whether I wanted my ex back.  I'm sure if I had said yes then he would have alleged I wanted her back to control her again.  Fortunately I replied, "No, not the way she is."

Let go.  Let her go.  Give yourself time to 'recover' your balance.  As has been said, there are plenty of other fish in the ocean, healthier ones, ones without poisonous barbs and spines.

[NYMike]

Yesterday in court I wanted to run towards her and tell her I am real and love you with all my heart. But I did not.

That was so smart.  Otherwise you could have been viewed as a continuing problem and validating the need for an OOP.

This is a particular risk you face.  Sorry, you can't save her from herself.  Any protests of love or concern would fall on deaf ears and instead be distorted and used against you.  How can you remind yourself of this whenever those impulses come back?  They will, so figure out how to avoid putting yourself in harms way with otherwise good motives.

Also, it could have been interpreted as you trying to be a controller.  My ex's lawyer tried that tactic, asking me on the stand whether I wanted my ex back.  I'm sure if I had said yes then he would have alleged I wanted her back to control her again.  Fortunately I replied, "No, not the way she is."

Let go.  Let her go.  Give yourself time to 'recover' your balance.  As has been said, there are plenty of other fish in the ocean, healthier ones, ones without poisonous barbs and spines.

Thank You.I am in T for these ''impulses'' and I have seen were professing my love has gotton me.She seems to distort every bit of love I give her.

It was so frustrating and hurtful to see her destroy all the gifts of love I freely gave her.I continue to go into silence and fight these urges to profess my love to her.

I always had hope she would accept this gift from me.It seemed the more I tried to love her the more she distorted it and hated me.?

[ForeverDad]

Personality Disorders are when normal personality traits which we all have become unbalanced to an extreme.  It qualifies as mental illness.  Mental illness, by definition, shouldn't make sense.  Yes, it an be described, explained, written up in textbooks, taught in classes, even some behavior patterns predicted, but it still won't make everyday sense.

Best to stop trying to wrap you head around it, accept that it is what it is... .projection, blaming and blame shifting... .distorted self-sabotaging behavior.  Compare it to trying to find the end of a rainbow, it seems to be possible but can't really be done.

[ForeverDad]

If she calls you into court ever again, ask the judge what to do about it.  That you haven't done anything meriting getting arrested and dragged into court but it keeps happening - repeatedly.  You can rightly be outraged (politely, you're in court!) that she has be misusing the legal system for her moods, feelings and perceptions, but it seriously risks impacting your ability to work, etc.

In time you may be able to have the arrests can court cases expunged, most states have that provision in the law.  Verify with your lawyer whether your state allows expungements and how long before you can file for it.   It doesn't make up for the inconvenience, pain and costs of dealing with all this conflict but at least you can probably get the slate wiped clean, if not soon then probably in a year or two.

Meanwhile protect yourself, expect her to try to get you violated simply for you existing on planet earth.