Feeling like he's not going to make it

[Barbgnc]

i have a 26 son who seems to be at the end of his rope.  He is so tired of life not working out for him.  Today he told me he thinks he's going crazy, that there's a part of hiis brain that is dark and foreboding. he has been trying to fight it but I fear he will give up.  He has tried so hard but the BPD traits that he has sabotages everything.  So no friends, no job, a very on and off chaotic gf relationship. All he has is me and my husband- and we are becoming zombies.  We love him, will always be there for him but the stress is almost unbearable .  We've been struggling with him for almost a decade, thousands of hours listening to him,trying to calm him down. Worrying, fearful, guilty and so sad that he is in so much pain

Nothing has worked- tons of psychiatrists,therapists, a multitude of psych Meds, etc.

What will happen to him when we die-he will have nobody. That thought terrorizes me.

My husband and I feel like we are living a nightmare.  That's the truth.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Barbgnc & welcome back  

It sounds like you and your family are dealing with so much stress and trauma, and I'm really sorry that you are having to go through all of this. Every parent on this Board can commiserate and understand what you are dealing with; it's very hard on us when our children are self-destructing right before our very eyes and we feel as if there is nothing we can do about it!

Since you've been on this site in the past, have you had the chance to read all of the links to the right-hand side of this page? The TOOLS and THE LESSONS can give you great insights into how your son's mind works, and the communication tools and techniques that could help you deal with him better. Also, we have some new Feature Articles (found at the top of threads listings, under the 4 photos) that are full of insights and tips for us to try to make things better. Many of us have found all of this information to be invaluable in helping us to get a handle on our lives and understanding of our situations.

Your son appears to have been in Therapies; was he ever formally diagnosed with anything? When was the last time he was involved with getting treatment? Do you have those Professionals to go to, to try to get some advice? My own adult (37) son was admitted to a Dual Diagnosis Program in March 2013, where he spent 21 days in Intensive In-Patient treatment and was finally diagnosed with BPD. This program saved his life (he'd been a multi-year Heroin addict), and he is now more than 22 months clean and sober and in recovery for the BPD. I doubt he'd even be diagnosed with it anymore... .

Does you son have substance abuse troubles? If so, because of his Mental Health issues, he should qualify for a program like my own son's... .My son's story is here (in case it can help you figure out what to do): My Son's Recovery-In-Progress Story. He absolutely loved the Program he went to, and didn't even want to leave it at first    It really saved his life... .

Your story about being there for your son, and all of the stress and confusion and trauma involved in that, sounds so much like my own story; I'm so sorry for your pain! Please check out the links I mentioned, and let us know more about how you are doing Barbgnc... .We are here for you  

[rationalmind]

Sp sorry you are going through this. I feel this is where we will be in 8 years (my daughter is almost 18) and has PTSD and uBPD (I really wish the therapists would see it but they seem so unwilling to give her the label because of the PTSD, only I know the pattern before the trauma was still consistent).  I fear for her life (she's left home trying to make it on her own without so much as an ID). I know she is safe but I'm not sure how long she can do this--she has no HS diploma, no money, has a substance abuse problem, and hasn't been able to hold down a job due to the impulsivity and inattention (stealing, being inconsistent, etc).  The only difference is she doesn't ask us for anything so my fear is about her floundering rather than us being her only contact.  Wish I had some good advice. Our parent coach and her therapist (she's out of therapy now) say that natural consequences are the only way for them to move forward, that they have to feel they can do things on their own, and take small steps.  I was perfectly willing to help my daughter but she rejects it.  FYI I have a BIL that I believe is uBPD (pretty severe, also probably a sociopath), has never held down a steady job and was enabled by his parents but still has managed to survive and have a few relationships.  I think it's wonderful though that you have a good relationship with your son--I understand BPD tends to get better in the 30's so try to keep positive thoughts, at least he has some insight into his illness, and make sure to take care of yourself too.