Why did she keep the ring?

[JRT]

Don't mind me saying this, but it sounds like you are in the exact place that you want to be. That being the case, you might be on the wrong thread since it sounds like you have made up your mind that you are done. I enjoy your posts but there might be more in the way of resources for you on the 'leaving' board that would be more helpful than here. Dunno, I am not there yet, .

Though I wonder if her saying that she no longer loves you was just meant to hurt you... .she certainly doesn't act like she no longer loves you... .or  maybe she just  NEEDS you

I think

[Splitblack4good]

Mine kept her ring, too. It was a sub-$1k gemstone ring. We had agreed on it. It was a gemstone of her favorite color, quite beautiful.

After she moved out, I found all sorts of things from a previous r/s (a guy who left her, but with whom she was still madly in love with idealizing up until we had S4. I also found a letter by the bf after that guy, but before me. She ended up getting an RO against him, and I know she never loved that guy. He sounded NPD.

So what does it go back to? Attachments. While keeping an engagement ring isn't indicative of BPD, it may be something to hold onto. A way to reminisce when she starts ruminating.

That being said, I found things that I'm sure mine hadn't broken out and really looked at in years. It could be just foregetfulness, too. Stuff it away, and forget about it. We could go crazy trying to figure out every little thing, and as my T said, "let's not be too quick to assign every little behavior to some PD."

I still have my exes engagement ring she took it off about 2 weeks prior to us splitting up and left it on the kitchen side she knows I have it and wasn't fussed at the time. Roughly a month after we split just before Xmas she text me asking for it back as she was goin to sell it as she was broke abd needed some money for Xmas ! I didn't reply as that really hurt on top of the hurt I was already feeling then 2 days after that got a text saying I should keep it ? Then to add more conffusion got a text after Xmas saying I stole her engagement ring ? I think deep down the truth was she had no intention of selling it was just a way of trying to get it back so she could keep it ? I found out aswell that ther is still a picture of me her a d her kids still hanging on the wall in her front room and she also hasn't deleted any pictures of us together on her FB . I think pwBPD even tho they may not have any intention of coming back do like to keep things as some kind of an attachment  it is strange . All of the stuff from our relaitionship ive kept however it's all in a box that's now under my bed out of sight but my ex seems to have kept everything on full veiw even tho she's with my replacement . And even up till this day 2 months after the B/U she hasn't blocked me on her phone . I try not to understand why they do stuff like this and I'm staying NC .

[JRT]

incredible... .after splitting me and as part off the process, blocking me from contact including social media, I know from a friends that was not yet blocked that she left pictures of she and I on fb... .i wonder why?

[borderdude]

The rs was partially in fantasy , so by keeping the ring she could progress with her engagement more easily.

My encounter of this , was that she acted like a teen who got engaged for the first time, much grining and childish happiness, look I am normal.

[JRT]

The rs was partially in fantasy , so by keeping the ring she could progress with her engagement more easily.

My encounter of this , was that she acted like a teen who got engaged for the first time, much grining and childish happiness, look I am normal.

I am not sure I understand BD as we broke up.

[billypilgrim]

Don't mind me saying this, but it sounds like you are in the exact place that you want to be. That being the case, you might be on the wrong thread since it sounds like you have made up your mind that you are done. I enjoy your posts but there might be more in the way of resources for you on the 'leaving' board that would be more helpful than here. Dunno, I am not there yet, .

Though I wonder if her saying that she no longer loves you was just meant to hurt you... .she certainly doesn't act like she no longer loves you... .or  maybe she just  NEEDS you

I think

I don't mind you saying it at all.  I spend most of my time on these boards jumping between the Personal Inventory and Leaving boards.  My mind is made up.  But there was something about this thread that triggered me to jump back over here for the night.  Maybe it's because I haven't fully dealt why she left so much stuff.  And why she ignored my requests to get the keys back.  It's just so completely opposite from how I would have handled getting my stuff and returning things that were asked of me - so I think that's why I found this thread so relevant.  I also spent part of last night cleaning out some of her stuff so I guess it was just the right timing for this thread.  

I think the second half of your last statement is dead on.  I don't think she still loves me.  You can't treat people this way and still love them.  That's not love, it's something else.  Infatuation?  Attachment?  Maybe a little of both.  Now that doesn't mean she won't wake up 4 weeks from now and "love" me again but I don't really concern myself with that.  It's all about need.  It's all about filling that gaping void in her life.  Whether that's through me, the replacement, friends, job, etc.  It's all about her needs.  

[JRT]

I had meant that he saying that she didn't love you was the equivalent to the closest hunk of wood or metal that happened ot be nearby to pick up and smack you in the head with. No meaning other than to inflict pain, in other words; that she still loves you.

[billypilgrim]

Oh I hear you now.  You are right, she figured out exactly what made me tick.  And it hurt.  Each time she said that felt like a ton of bricks (or hunk of metal, as you said) falling on my chest.  It's like she would say that just to see my reaction.  The way she looked at me after saying that was almost like a "What are you going to do about it?" kind of gaze.  Her saying that triggered guilt inside of me and guilt is what made me tick in the r/s.  That I somehow wasn't doing enough for her to love me (which is crazy, looking back).  That I needed to change somehow to make things work. And I did, far too often.  She was testing my commitment to her and looking to hurt me or get something out of me.  Nothing more.  So yes, I suppose she could have still loved me when she said that.  Or whatever you want to call whatever it is she calls love.   

[JRT]

Sure... .I am pretty sure that was what it was all about at least from my vantage point. Especially the way that she looked at you to gauge your reaction.

[jo19854]

My wife left and took the keys of the house, kept her wedding ring and took a picture of us with her. Just her, me and her dog that she left behind

[enlighten me]

Its not about value its about a conection to more positive emotions. These objects are from a happy time so therefore remind them of being happy.

My exgf has a picture I bought her for our first valentines. It hangs above her bed. I know this as i can see it when i pick up my son. You would think that such a big reminder in such a personal place would be the last thing they would want. I know for me it would be triggering.

[JRT]

Wow... .just amazes me... .mine left me and will not talk to me... .she blocked me from communicating with her! I treid to call from an unblocked hotel phone and she called the cops on me. This just adds another layer of wierdness to it all.