Not sure I can walk away, how much does it take?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I'm already trying to bargain and justify in my mind the reasons I need him.

Even though the logical part of my brain keeps screaming, get out, he is cheating on you and you have no future or longterm happiness with him, find someone who is emotionally stable, who will be interested in you as a person, not as a sexual object, someone who you can talk too, laugh with, without always being guarded, argue/have different opinions with, without fear of them raging and storming off for days, and giving you the silent treatment as payback... someone who is... .there for you always, good and bad.

Why am I struggling so hard with this.

It's not like we are married and have children.  We aren't living together... .tried that, it failed, big time... .

He has a very low care factor regarding life... .bludges off people, is lazy and unmotivated. Has a gambling addiction and convictions for stealing and assault.

Why can't I leave him.  What is the power he has over me, that's what I am trying to work out.

He seems to be addicted to me, mostly sexually, as that is the deepest he can go.  I'm addicted to how he adores me, and thinks I am the most amazing women in the world.  So why, when we seem to have this perfect storybook relationship with chemistry off the roof, has he got this other women that I suspect he has been sleeping with? 

I went NC when I found he had slept at another womens house last week... .he knows I found out, because I used his phone and did the psycho girlfriend text messages to the other woman.  Amazing how low you can go, when you are in pain.

He saw the messages on his phone, but he has ignored them.  He has sent a couple of smoke signals out to me, to test the waters, love you, so many kisses beautiful hope alls ok... .

I broke my NC today.  I said, via text... .wish it was all ok, feel confused at everything, and betrayed!

I don't even know if there is anything he can say or do at this time that would make me feel better and trust him again. 

One minute I never want to see him again, the next, I am longing to call him and need him to hold me.  I feel like I'm going crazy. 

[DreamerGirl]

I'm already trying to bargain and justify in my mind the reasons I need him.

Even though the logical part of my brain keeps screaming, get out, he is cheating on you and you have no future or longterm happiness with him, find someone who is emotionally stable, who will be interested in you as a person, not as a sexual object, someone who you can talk too, laugh with, without always being guarded, argue/have different opinions with, without fear of them raging and storming off for days, and giving you the silent treatment as payback... someone who is... .there for you always, good and bad.

Why am I struggling so hard with this.

It's not like we are married and have children.  We aren't living together... .tried that, it failed, big time... .

He has a very low care factor regarding life... .bludges off people, is lazy and unmotivated. Has a gambling addiction and convictions for stealing and assault.

Why can't I leave him.  What is the power he has over me, that's what I am trying to work out.

He seems to be addicted to me, mostly sexually, as that is the deepest he can go.  I'm addicted to how he adores me, and thinks I am the most amazing women in the world.  So why, when we seem to have this perfect storybook relationship with chemistry off the roof, has he got this other women that I suspect he has been sleeping with? 

I went NC when I found he had slept at another womens house last week... .he knows I found out, because I used his phone and did the psycho girlfriend text messages to the other woman.  Amazing how low you can go, when you are in pain.

He saw the messages on his phone, but he has ignored them.  He has sent a couple of smoke signals out to me, to test the waters, love you, so many kisses beautiful hope alls ok... .

I broke my NC today.  I said, via text... .wish it was all ok, feel confused at everything, and betrayed!

I don't even know if there is anything he can say or do at this time that would make me feel better and trust him again. 

One minute I never want to see him again, the next, I am longing to call him and need him to hold me.  I feel like I'm going crazy. 

[4kidz]

HI DREAMERGIRL- Without being judgmental and after reading your post can you explain what you mean when you say he adores you. I understand the addicted sexually statement. I want to understand  how he adores you...  

[DiamondSW]

It doesn't sound like he 'adores' you at all.

It sounds like you are desperate to feel 'adored'... . 

No children, no commitments to this boy (I don't class any males 'men' until they show maturity, resposibility, a work ethic and compassion), indeed you sound 100% 'free' bar the emotional enmeshment. 

In short, run... .and don't look back. 

(and that's coming from a male poster)

[DreamerGirl]

Thanks for reading and responding 4kidz and DiamondSW.

Both your questions have really made me think. 

My description of his adoring me... .when he is with me, he is 100% devoted to me... touching me constantly, whether that is just his hand resting on my leg, gazing at me, fixated on me, the whole time.

It's strange, now that I write that down, it sounds rather creepy.

At the start of our relationship, I actually didn't like all that attention, it made me feel uncomfortable.  He would follow me around, couldn't let me out of his sight and was always holding me.

But, somewhere down the line, I have actually got to like it... .maybe, crave even crave it...

I've been thinking, I had very very little affection growing up... .to be honest, I don't think I ever felt loved, until now... .and to have him hold me in his arms, so much, and say the most beautiful things to me, and to want to keep pleasing me, it's just touched something deep inside of me.  I feel loved when he does this. 

I don't really know a lot about psychology... .but, I feel like he has worked out what my needs are, affection and feeling loved, and he has turned that on 100% for me, so that I won't leave him when he stuffs up!  And the sad bit is, it may work.

This is going to be the hardest part for me to let go off.

I can make a huge list of all the bad things he had done to me, and on the other side, it says under the heading: good things: affection, holding me in his arms, stroking my hair, massaging my hands, feet, hair, etc... .loving me like every girl dreams off... we seem to be stuck in the honeymoon phase.


I do believe we teach others how to treat us... .and there have been a few questionable incidents in the past, relating to other woman, which he has talked his way out off... .and, even though deep inside somewhere I didn't really believe him, I chose to accept his version!

I do believe he has got a sex addiction.  Although his addiction is towards pleasing, he is an exhibitionist, and in my opinion, he gets his self worth from giving love.  His I truely think he's some sort of a Gigalo. 

I don't know if he has fooled me over these years, or if he truly does love me, in his way.  I think he does.  Or he is just obsessed with me.  He has my pictures all over his wall at home, in his phone, even this other woman, who I texted last week, said how all he talks about is me, and showing her my pictures, telling her how much he loves me, my scent, etc...   That's what is strange, this I think is one of his F**K buddies, so why does he spend all that time showing her pictures of me, telling her everything about me... .and I have never heard her name before! Yet she tells me she met him 3 months before me and that they are Just Friends!

I'm staying strongish, so far.  He texted me today, after my text, and said: yea i feel a bit that way, but i know ive done nothing wrong!  I replied, well, I guess that's it then!



   

[cloudten]

Your story sounds exactly like mine.

I don't know how much it takes because I haven't been able to do it successfully. But I want to.