Hi Redhill mama
Welcome to bpdfamily The situation with your daughter is very concerning, I am sorry you're going through this right now.
I struggle with the knowledge that some of my behaviours a long time ago added to her emotional stress and fear of abandonment... .I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with their Dad and have only recently become fully aware of how much his behaviours impacted on them from very early days... .Not only that but I coped by returning to work earlier than I had intended to "escape" and both my girls have talked about that time as impacting on them negatively. I understand that I was much much younger and I did what I thought was best for us all at the time... .To keep the family together. I now have been told that it may have been better to separate earlier! We live and learn. I can forgive myself to a large extent but I just feel so very very sad that my actions, along with those of my ex husband, caused the family to dysfunction such that both daughters require therapy and one has BPD.
I can relate to the struggles you describe here with possibly having made the wrong decisions in the past. It is what it is though. You probably did the best you could with the knowledge you had back then. looking back with all the new knowledge you have now it might seem that you could have or should have done things differently, but when you're in the situation you're doing the best you can to survive. Coping mechanisms born out of a desire to survive aren't necessarily the best or most healthy, definitely not in the long run, but as you know better you do better.
My daughter is diagnosed with BPD having previously been hospitalised for eating disorders three times etc etc. She is, according to the professionals, a very complex case, even amongst people with BPD. Her self harm knows no bounds as she attempts to destroy herself bit by bit. She lives away from home and is in her late 20s. There have been increasing suicide attempts and she is currently in hospital under section 2 of the mental health act, with the possibility of a section 3 and a specialist placement which I currently think is her best hope and I am hopeful that this can be found and funded. I am the "nearest relative" although sadly I live 200 miles away, work full time and have an 11 year old at home. I have good support from my husband and family members and my work is very understanding too... .But it is so so hard.
The situation with your daugther is very difficult but I am pleased her mental health is being assessed and she's at least getting some treatment now. How do you feel about the hospital she's in and the people treating her?
Worrying about a BPD daughter can really take it's toll on you so I am glad you feel like you have a good support network for yourself.
At what point was your daughter diagnosed with BPD? And when did the suicide attempts start?
Take care and thanks for sharing your story here I hope we can offer you some hope, advice and support as you deal with this difficult situation.