Co-parent a teen with a parent that has been diagnosed with BPD

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi, this site and posting etc... is all new to me so forgive me if i screw up.  My x and i have a teen together and have been divorced for 2 years.  Our child lives with me ( i am the father )   It seems as if our child has grown and matured enough that the divorce was all Mom's doing.  He seems angry and at a place where he feels he must spend time with his Mom but he really does not want to.  All of the parenting is coming into my lap and sometimes it's very hard.  I have researched BPD a lot and understand but it does not always take away the anger i have about the whole thing.

[Jed]

Hi, this site and posting etc... is all new to me so forgive me if i screw up.  My x and i have a teen together and have been divorced for 2 years.  Our child lives with me ( i am the father )   It seems as if our child has grown and matured enough that the divorce was all Mom's doing.  He seems angry and at a place where he feels he must spend time with his Mom but he really does not want to.  All of the parenting is coming into my lap and sometimes it's very hard.  I have researched BPD a lot and understand but it does not always take away the anger i have about the whole thing.

[livednlearned]

Hi Jed,

Welcome to the site, glad you posted. It really helps to have some peer support.

Divorce is hard, parenting a teen is also hard, and dealing with mental illness even harder. Raising kids under these conditions is no picnic. What is your relationship with your son like? Is he angry at the world, or is it mostly directed toward his mom? What kind of custody schedule is in place?

Court terminated visitation in my case, so my son (13) is no longer in contact with his dad. In some ways, I wonder if it is worse, since some emotions seem to have gone underground. I think they are surfacing during school, coming out sideways in peer relationships that create stress for him. He tends to shut down, similar to what he did with his dad when he felt overwhelmed or stressed.

How are you coping with it all?

[Turkish]

Hi, this site and posting etc... is all new to me so forgive me if i screw up.  My x and i have a teen together and have been divorced for 2 years.  Our child lives with me ( i am the father )   It seems as if our child has grown and matured enough that the divorce was all Mom's doing.  He seems angry and at a place where he feels he must spend time with his Mom but he really does not want to. 

How much time does he see her now? Do you think that she is laying a BPD guilt trip on him in some way? Is she actually diagnosed? If so, you may be able to talk to him about it.