PTSD from abuse of borderline

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So I wait, I do some work at home, walk the dog and pray for better times

Can you get a little more specific in those prayers? What would "better times" mean for you? Can you identify even three or four concrete things that would make for better times?

Especially any of them that you can make happen without depending on somebody else to do something.

Grey Kitty;

Praying for better times;

- Coming home and have a soulmate

- Feeling home and not haunted by flashbacks and memories

- Praying that time will heal this wound so I am able to write down the right answers wich I just cannot give at this moment

- But sorry... .I can't think of other things, i really pray for her return and be able to work it out, I just love her.

Leaving me without any warning after a hug in the morning. Not one reply or one explanation, I emailed in May last year and I waited until october for another one. Since then i didnt email at all anymore. So even after not emailing for months. I hear nothing! My biggest wish is that the pain from this ongoing torture, the no closure will go away.

It's a year now on feb 6th, Feb 2th is our marriage date. I hope it will trigger something.

[jo19854]

So I wait, I do some work at home, walk the dog and pray for better times

Can you get a little more specific in those prayers? What would "better times" mean for you? Can you identify even three or four concrete things that would make for better times?

Especially any of them that you can make happen without depending on somebody else to do something.

Grey Kitty;

Praying for better times;

- Coming home and have a soulmate

- Feeling home and not haunted by flashbacks and memories

- Praying that time will heal this wound so I am able to write down the right answers wich I just cannot give at this moment

- But sorry... .I can't think of other things, i really pray for her return and be able to work it out, I just love her.

Leaving me without any warning after a hug in the morning. Not one reply or one explanation, I emailed in May last year and I waited until october for another one. Since then i didnt email at all anymore. So even after not emailing for months. I hear nothing! My biggest wish is that the pain from this ongoing torture, the no closure will go away.

It's a year now on feb 6th, Feb 2th is our marriage date. I hope it will trigger something.

[JRT]

I just ready your story Jo... .I am very sorry to hear that this happened to you... ,mine is similar but pales in comparison to what had happened to you... .I hope that you are able to find some closure, no one should have to suffer through something like what she did... .

[jo19854]

thanks so much JRT.

In another post its about strategies how to get your ex back. I have no clue what to do anymore.

Thats why the question "PTSD or Borderline" keeps hunting me.

Because it helps me to find a way (strategy) to at least get an explanation or someting else that will bring me back on my feet again and gives some kind of closure.

[JRT]

Have you already considered traveling to the US to find her?

Do you feel that she painted you black to her relatives? Is that why they refuse to respond to you?

[jo19854]

When I am ready for it, ill do it. But i do not chase a runaway. Just like a dog they start to run faster.

About her family, i don't know, i never heard nothing from them. Not even a thank for saving her life.

[Grey Kitty]

Praying for better times;

- Coming home and have a soulmate

- Feeling home and not haunted by flashbacks and memories

- Praying that time will heal this wound so I am able to write down the right answers wich I just cannot give at this moment

- But sorry... .I can't think of other things, i really pray for her return and be able to work it out, I just love her.

 It is a start!

Half of the list is about her... .obviously praying for her return is.

I think that coming home and having a soulmate is about her too--I doubt you are ready to accept anybody else as a soulmate when you come home today. 

The other two, those are for yourself.

Praying for healing sounds like a beautiful thing to do.

I have another question. What if she walked up and knocked on the door right now. Would you trust her to stay? How would you feel?

[jo19854]

If she would be here, it's not to pick up her stuff.

She won't travel across the ocean for that.

I would be happy because I know we have a chance to talk about it and find ways how to make it work.

I do understand the pain of missing home and family, maybe her panic, despair.

The Hep C treatment stripped her to the core.

Mayby she protected herself for relapse.

[Grey Kitty]

jo, you almost didn't answer my question at all.

The only word in your answer about you was "happy".

All the rest of your answer was about her--what hurt her, what she would be thinking to come back, what she was going through, etc.

I also heard your expectations. Those aren't your feelings either.

Can you sit with your feelings, or dig a little deeper and try to focus on that side of it?

Would you trust her to stay? How would you feel?

[jo19854]

If she would be on my doorstep and says she wants to stay, its my believe she will, she decided. ( If she on my doorstep its not for picking up things i am sure about that)

I believe she didnt leave me for me, she might have projected things, but given the situation with homesichness, children and the extreme circumstances she left.

So if she is here to stay, i will trust on that.

How i would feel? Of course i got a blow, but knowing myself, i would go for it and and look forward and not behind to much.

Of course I had my lesson and i would tell her what this event did to me. But I would feel better for sure.

I hope my answer was more complete than the last time