Change of Jurisdiction?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My DH has had residential custody for about five months. We live three states away from the kid's uBPD mother. My understanding is that once the kids have primarily resided with us for six months we can petition the court in our area to take over jurisdiction. That'll keep the BPD from dragging us back to her state for court every time she wants to file Contempt, which she apparently plans to do soon.

Part of the problem is that we have a VERY good order, and professionals on the case who are all aware of what is going on with the kid's mom and aren't likely to make any changes in her favor. I'm concerned that if we ask the court to move jurisdiction that the court may feel sorry for her (obviously without understanding the whole story) and make changes to the order.

I know some of you have been through or at least contemplated changes of jurisdiction so any thoughts on this would be welocomed. We do intend to consult with a local L on the matter.

[Nope]

My DH has had residential custody for about five months. We live three states away from the kid's uBPD mother. My understanding is that once the kids have primarily resided with us for six months we can petition the court in our area to take over jurisdiction. That'll keep the BPD from dragging us back to her state for court every time she wants to file Contempt, which she apparently plans to do soon.

Part of the problem is that we have a VERY good order, and professionals on the case who are all aware of what is going on with the kid's mom and aren't likely to make any changes in her favor. I'm concerned that if we ask the court to move jurisdiction that the court may feel sorry for her (obviously without understanding the whole story) and make changes to the order.

I know some of you have been through or at least contemplated changes of jurisdiction so any thoughts on this would be welocomed. We do intend to consult with a local L on the matter.

[livednlearned]

I don't have experience with what you're describing, but maybe this is helpful. My ex filed four appeals, and the appellate L told me that judges are considered the most supreme "witness" in a case. What they rule tends to be considered almost sacred because if judges run around undoing what other judges rule, the whole system kinda falls apart. I don't know if that translates to courts in other states or not, though. Judges don't want to see their rulings overturned in appellate court, and for that reason they are more likely to rule very conservatively. That would put the onus on uBPD mom to show something was substantively different than what the original order stated.

My L also told me that she writes very detailed orders because judges don't always read the thick files that tend to go with our cases. My orders are apparently very long with a lot of detail so that even if a judge only reads the most recent order, the characteristics of the case are right there in one document.

[Nope]

I am hopeful that that is the case. But so much is highly dependent on the magistrate. I've heard horror stories. But then, we've all heard horror stories, haven't we? I'll have to remember to ask the lawyer if a magistrate can even take it up without being asked by the petitioning party to do so.

[PinkieV]

I've had nothing but conflicting opinions about this on Avvo.com. Some attorneys say we can't move the case while others say we can - as did our original attorney. DH and I are going to have to go in for a consultation to hopefully get it done before the end of May, when my SS14 turns 15. BM has stated that she will file a new motion to have his opinion taken into consideration. And while he wants to stay with us, he has no defenses against her and would probably end up telling her he'd stay.

[ForeverDad]

I became Legal Guardian long before I got majority time (and then only during the school year).  I just realized one possible reason why you got such a good parenting order but not custody.

I had filed Change of Circumstances seeking custody and majority parenting time which was handled by a magistrate.  Once that was a Finding of the Court, it then moved to the presiding judge and I think that was when the Guardian ad Litem (GAL) was assigned.  The GAL hoped - we know how 'hope' works when faced with pwBPD and other acting out PDs - that me getting just custody would be enough and that ex keeping the ability to get child support due to disparity of incomes would help her behave better.  That was her recommendation and lawyers told us that if we proceeded with court then the court would still take GAL's recommendation.  So we settled and I became Legal Guardian.

So it occurred to me to wonder whether the reason your H didn't get custody along with everything else was because, though there was a Change of Circumstances, you never went to the presiding judge and perhaps custody is handled by the presiding judge and not by magistrates?

[Nope]

According to the Magistrate's finding, the reason DH didn't get custody is because our filing didn't ask for it. DH and his BPDex have had a parenting plan they both agreed to in place for more than three years. Our L advised us at the beginning that we shouldn't ask to have the plan terminated. Just modified. Because she was afraid that if we opened the can of worms to get it terminated and we didn't win DH would be left with nothing but some visitation. We had a good case, but our L wanted to be cautious since we didn't even know which magistrate we were going to get and didn't have a GAL when we filed.

Basically, not terminating shared parenting was the one thing she left the kid's BPD mom with. She was already taking her children away that she's had 85% of the time or more since birth, taking a large chunk of child support away that clearly the woman was practically living off of, and humiliating her by ordering her to get therapy and give DH proof of it. Having any actual power or say in these children's lives was the only thing left to lose. I think the magistrate assumed all of this would be enough to make her think twice about coming back to court so quick. But no, she apparently has somehow found herself lawyer #5 and is making noise about returning to court on charges of Contempt and demanding changes to the order.