Left the house for fear of my safety, does she get to stay in the house?

[Rameses]

I have been married to a BPD wife for a year. During that year she has threatened suicide 6 times. The latest episode was when she stood behind my car in her underwear screaming "Go ahead run me over". Then put her foot under my front tire daring me to run it over. She also tumbled 15 feet over the railing in our home, and swallowed a bunch of pills only to spit them out after I called 911. But the final straw came when I told her I was leaving the house for the night because I saw all the familiar signs of a looming rage coming. As I was walking out the door she had a huge butcher knife, with the point sticking in her chest with two hands on it, shaking. Later when I went upstairs to gather more things, she walked into my bathroom and quoted these words(I had been trying to video everything I could for future evidence, and when she walked in I had the video rolling, so the following excerpt is from that video recording)... ." you like recording, don't you?"... .I said "no, I'm just doing it for my own protection"... .her response, "why, do you think I'm going to stab you with a knife and kill you?... .If I stabbed you with a knife, all I would have to do is take your phone and you would have no evidence, just sayin'". So needless to say I left the house 5 weeks ago. She is saying I abandoned her and left the house, therefore she is entitled to stay in the house. Since then she took all my stuff and put it in storage and bought all new furniture. Does anyone know what legal rights I have to get back in my house (it is in both of our names). The house is 4,000 sq. ft., and I'm living in an 800 sq. Ft. apartment. I did not want leave, but I did not feel safe there. Does anyone have any thoughts?

Rameses

[power thru]

Hello Rocky, sorry to hear you are going through this.

I can totally relate to this story because I lived it about 8 months ago. I too left my udBPDw of 2yrs because I feared for my safety. I do not know what state you live in but in my state (FL.) you have to prove abandonment which usually means that the other person has been gone for at least a year and has not contributed to any bills during that time. You pretty much have to leave the other person high and dry for over a year or more. The only thing that could hurt you for leaving is if you have kids together and there is a custody battle.

If the house is in both your names you will forever have rights to that house until its out of your name. You can move back in right now and there is nothing she can do about it. However... .is it really worth it? What if she does try to harm you or file a false domestic violence charge on you? You can be removed from your home just because she lied to the cops... .tons of stories on this.

So with that said, you need to decide if you want to try to work on things with her. If not, I suggest you speak to a attorney to understand your rights in your state. You can file for divorce and then fight for your home and your personal belongings the proper way with the legal system.

Good luck and keep reading and posting... .tons of real life experience and advice on this forum, it certainly helped me.

[SlyQQ]

Feeling safe has a lot going for it

[Rameses]

Thanks "Power Thru"... .There are no kids involved. And yes, I have decided to move on. I can't believe Im hurting so bad after all that she has put me through. She contacts me almost everyday with remorse, something she never did when we together. I do not respond to any of her communications though.

[ForeverDad]

First, are her poor behaviors documented, do you have witnesses or did you record them?  The subject of your post indicated you fear retaliation or blaming, either for disordered distress, blaming, retaliation or to make you look worse than her.  False allegations can fly fast and loose when a relationship ends and typically it is the male gender being carted off to jail.  So be aware and beware.

Without children is fortunate, there are no custody issues to deal with for 20 years.  So who leaves the house and who stays isn't as crucial.  There can still be high conflict.  For example, it may take months or a year or two to get her out of the house or get it sold, yes the courts can let it drag out that long.  So seek legal advice for a few family law attorneys for the best consensus on strategies for (1) a safe separation and (2) prompt division of any joint assets and debts and (3) close out all the various legal obligations and liabilities.  Sorry, if you 'wing it' then you're probably exposed somehow.