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[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi, I have never been in a forum before so, I am 28 yr old female, and was in a 1 yr 7 month relationship with a 37 yr old divorced man who has 3 children all girls. He was diagnosed with border personality disorder, after he attempted suicide. I was in the house with him, and called 911 after I was able to revive him. I lived with him during our smooth to very rocky relationship. I didn't know he had BPD until he told me he was diagnosed with it. I dealt with a lot of nasty verbal abuse, and emotional abuse from him throughout the relationship, he broke up with me 3 times, and I gave in going back thinking it will be better this time ( this is the 3rd) and I don't want to go back with him again but I am struggling with it so much and just need help understanding and recovering. I feel like no one understands me and I'm very stuck and need help. Any ideas or suggestions?

[risingup]

Hi, I have never been in a forum before so, I am 28 yr old female, and was in a 1 yr 7 month relationship with a 37 yr old divorced man who has 3 children all girls. He was diagnosed with border personality disorder, after he attempted suicide. I was in the house with him, and called 911 after I was able to revive him. I lived with him during our smooth to very rocky relationship. I didn't know he had BPD until he told me he was diagnosed with it. I dealt with a lot of nasty verbal abuse, and emotional abuse from him throughout the relationship, he broke up with me 3 times, and I gave in going back thinking it will be better this time ( this is the 3rd) and I don't want to go back with him again but I am struggling with it so much and just need help understanding and recovering. I feel like no one understands me and I'm very stuck and need help. Any ideas or suggestions?

[Sandman1881]

Hello and welcome.

What you've been through is awful and I can imagin how difficult it must have been. Here you will find many answers and the support from others that have been through similar experiences.

My exuBPDgf spit in my face while I was driving a uhaul then opened her door wide and was threatening to jump out. She was putting her foot by the road. Very frightening.

Please know that you are not alone. I/we broke up 4 months ago with strict no contact. So far it's held. The first few months were as tough as it gets, but the focus is on my life now as it should be. I hope you have a good support system. But it seems my friends and family don't understand. Just as I did not until I found this site and others. It has gotten better. Peace is the key and I found that to be missing from the relationship I took part in.

I hope the best in safety and health for you and your significant other. Peace be with us all.

[Copperfox]

Hey Risingup.  There are several things you can do that might help.

First, you might try reading the lessons over on the right.  Educating yourself is a good first step to understanding.

Second, therapy is great, can really help you talk through the issues, and bring some clarity.  Some people after these relationships are suffering from anxiety or PTSD-like symptoms, so therapy can be a useful tool for dealing with those.

Third, keep posting here.  This is a great community, with lots of helpful people.  Ask questions, discuss things, check out the workshops, etc. Whenever you feel weak, come here and talk instead of doing anything you might regret.

And finally, no contact is a generally good policy.  But this is the undecided board, so presumably you are still undecided/unsure at this point? It's important to form a plan beyond no contact, try to figure out what you want/need long term, and how you can go about getting there. What do you you want/need long-term?

[JRT]

Sorry to hear that you had to go through this, it is very painful and all of us on here have gone through it... .I have read some accounts that have made mine seem like a walk in the park in comparison. But reading other non's stories and perspectives as well as learning abut BPD more deeply has definitely helped me to turn the corner on feeling better and get closer to recovering. I don't know what I would have done without this site.

As to explaining this to people outside of this forum, my experience is that once I bring it up I can't get much further than explaining that their fear of abandonment end up pushing them away. I think that some of my family and friends believe that I am the crazy one!