It's been about 3/4 of a year since I left my BPD/NPD partner. She doesn't matter anymore and I am aware she is gone from my life. I have finally gotten to the point of forgiveness. Not in the sense that I will ever want her in my life again or will talk to her again, but that I am done with it.
Her mental issues were never my burden to bare, but I took it on as a codependent. Because I thought "that's what good partner's do. They try to help." But when you find yourself in a cycle and mentality that you don't recognize, that's not in your nature but feel obligated to; you lose yourself, your sense of purpose and maybe even a chunk of your soul. All in the hopes that you can fill this person up. To make them whole. A hole that can never be filled by another person. That is their burden to bare. It's a difficult burden. Giving myself over out of obligation and love was mine. Tolerating the abuse was mine. If anything, I consider myself to be very lucky to have gotten out and truly learned that selfishness is not always a bad thing. That my wounds will heal, but that disconnect in her
I owe my quick turnaround to no contact, therapy, spiritual healing and spending time alone trying to hear my inner voice and not letting my soul and energy be captured by others for the time being. I'm still working on me. Everyday it's as if a little light bulb goes off. Today, it was Maya Angelou. In case anyone needs a little inspiration.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ePodNjrVSsk
