Struggling with day to day mood changes

[busymind79]

Let me start with saying that yesterday, DD15 had probably the most balanced day as far as moods go since returning from RTC a few weeks ago, and it felt amazing.

The day before that she was super depressed and hid in her room all day. That is until she came out to ask if she could go out on a date with a boy that I know is sexually active, a drug user and suicidal most days. The answer of course was no. Although I did tell her that if he wanted to come hang out at our house, that was fine, just no one on one date. This triggered a huge tantrum and I stood my ground calmly throughout the screaming and "F* you's". I was pretty proud of myself.

Now today she is really on the manic side. Very physical with her little brother (wrestling, tickling, forcing hugs) and with the dog ( laying on her, teasing her with food). She is refusing to do any of her schoolwork or chores, but in a very upbeat almost silly way. I feel a meltdown coming today and of course I have family coming from out of town who will be staying the weekend with us. They know the situation, but I am hoping that I can handle this while they visit.

I wish these moods weren't so frequently changing. I feel like I never know what to expect!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi busymind79

Sometimes we cannot know what is causing our kids moods to wax and wane.  All we can do is respond appropriately in the moment.  Being of wise mind and calm nerves is quite an accomplishment in the face of her verbal raging. Kudos to you!

What particular skills did your daughter bring back with her from RTC?  Do you speak the therapeutic language of the RTC as well?  If you do... .which skill would you ask her to use to calm herself and verbalize what is behind her behavior?

lbj

[busymind79]

I am honestly never sure what to say to her. When I encourage her to talk about things she refuses. If I mention the language she is using, she tells me that she can talk however she wants. She wants to return to school, but is only doing about 20 min of the online schooling we have temporarily set up for her per day and refusing to do any on weekends or midwinter break because 'it's not fair'. I also found a days worth of meds in her room today. In the past, she has both gone off her meds and hoarded them to attempt suicide. I am worried about how to talk to her about it. I don't know if I should wait til counseling tomorrow or bring it up immediately. I feel so inadequate and overwhelmed.

[lbjnltx]

The hoarding of meds is concerning... .Did you remove them from her room?

Feelings of inadequacy are quite common I assure you... .even trained therapist have that feeling when treating patience with traits of BPD so don't beat yourself up for not knowing what to do or what to say.  None of us are borne knowing how to parent a special needs child... .it isn't inherent. 

The good news is that we can learn the skills to parent them in the most effective way for them.   

If you have boundaries in place that give you a sense of calm during the times she acts out then you have created the headspace you need to learn skills for communication.  A good place to start would be learning how to validate.  After that check out the link to the right on S.E.T.  These 2 skills will help you know what to say and how to say it in most situations.

We can help you understand and practice these communication skills and answer any questions you might have... .let us know.

We are here to support you.

lbj