My BPD daughter is struggling with a hostile, BPD father in denial

[Advocating Mom]

He moved overseas almost 4 years ago, when she was at the tender age of 13, which of course has triggered all the insecurities & anxieties of her fear of abandonment.  Although going from crisis to crisis, my daughter knows she has BPD, tries to work with it as best she can… Her father, my estranged ex-husband, is high-functioning, but a very, very angry BPD, and exhibits many of the hallmarks: splitting, toggling between idealization & vilification, and sadly, denial.  I find it most difficult to deal with the nevr-ending aspect of the crises: they just keep coming -- hourly, daily, nightly, week after week, month after month, and year after year.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello AdvocatingMom,



and to the Parenting A Son or Daughter Board.  We are glad you are here and telling us your story.

So very sad to hear that your child is suffering and so are you.

That is the way it works in families... .what affects one affects us all.  Living from crisis to crisis takes it toll on us moms/dads and others who love a person with BPD.  The rollercoaster of emotions sure can leave us confused, frustrated, tired, angry, afraid and alone... .we have all been there.

You say your daughter is aware of her diagnoses... .is she or has she been in therapy?  Do you attend with her sometimes?

How much contact does your daughter have with her father?  How is your communication with him?

I look forward to your reply and learning more about you and your daughter.

lbj

[maxen]

hi Advocating Mom and i join lbjnltx in saying welcome. i'm very sorry for your situation and it must be very hard indeed to deal with two at once. i hope you find good support here!

Although going from crisis to crisis, my daughter knows she has BPD, tries to work with it as best she can…

your daughter's awareness is a blessing. please don't discount it. many of those with BPD either don't know, or don't want to know. can you tell us a little more about her patterns?

please keep posting Advocating Mom!

[Restored2]

Welcome to this very supportive family, Advocating Mom!  We are all pretty familiar with BPD relationship challenges.  Sounds like your daughter could do with intensive and progressive therapy that specializes in BPD.  It is also important for you to take time out for yourself amidst the storm in stress management.