Hello highopes4future
Glad that you joined and are telling us about your life with your daughter.
We are here to lend an ear (or eyes) when you need to talk about your situation and feelings. Even more than that we are here to help you find ways for a better life for yourself and your daughter.
From what you wrote it appears you are looking for ways to help your daughter without enabling her... .particularly supporting her in finding work so that she can take steps towards becoming less financially dependent upon you. Sometimes when we are making suggestions it is helpful if we understand the most effective communication skills to use.
Have you studied validation skills yet? There are some good tools to the right of the page that teach validation skills. I would also suggest from the Recommended Reading list this book
I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better by Gary and Joy Lundberg. It is highly recommended here on the site particularly for learning the ins and out of validation and what the benefit's are.
If you are in need of help understanding the disorder, BPD, this resource is at the top of our must have list
Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Manning PhD.
I think that you will find that effective communication skills, like validation and S.E.T will improve how you feel about self and interactions with daughter, and your relationship with daughter.
Let us know how else we can help you and support you.
lbj