introduction of me

[jessigirl]

   Hello there.  I am a 50 year old Mom of a 30 year old daughter, whom I think has BPD.  She has all of the symptoms listed in so many sites that I have read about BPD.  I don't think that she has officially been diagnosed with BPD.  She gets her health care through the VA in whatever town she lives in.  They usually tell her she has anxiety.  She moves around quite a bit.  Never has or is able to keep a job(although she has a college degree), nor put down roots anywhere for very long. 

    My husband and I have been estranged from her for over a year now.  All of our extended family is estranged from her as well.  She has lashed out at us,  hurt us all and burned every bridge along the way.  She still keeps in touch with our son who is in college.  She has totally riped out our hearts. 

   Every day is a  tough day for me.  I miss my daughter so much I can hardly breath!  Everyone else in my family seems to be dealing with this just fine, they are all so supportive, understanding of her mental illness and kind. But I am stuck in a cycle of terminal sadness... .time goes by and nothing changes.   

   I am hoping to connect with others who have experienced some of the same issues that as I have.  I hope that I can somehow learn some ways to move forward with my life. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Hello jessigirl, and 

I'm sorry that you are estranged from your daughter. It must be frustrating to have the VA seeming to minimize her behaviors into a general category of "anxiety." Do you think they actually diagnosed her with GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder), or that they're not even going that far?

I think it's natural that you are not dealing with her behaviors as well as the rest of the family. Blood or not, you're still her mother.

We have a lot of members here who struggle with situations with their children as you do over on the Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board. There are many struggling parents there who can support you. There are also lessons to the right of the board which can help you better understand how she thinks (BPD or not, her behaviors from your short description do sound BPD-like, and understanding the disorder can help).

Take Care,

Turkish

[NorthernGirl]

Hi jessigirl and I'm join Turkish in welcoming you here.

I'm sorry you have had such a difficult time. My husband (DH) is dealing with a similar situation where his son SS22 is so enmeshed with his uBPDmom that SS22 is being hurtful and punishing to most of the family and broken most ties. DH sees SS22 drifting further away and wonders if he will ever have a relationship with his son. He can't simply forget about the son he loves so much. DH is seeing a counsellor today to talk about this very issue.

Do you have a counsellor you can talk with?

I hope you join us on the Parenting board that Turkish has recommended. You will see that you are not alone and that your feelings are shared by others. They'll help you as you deal with this challenge. 

[lbjnltx]

Hi jessigirl 

I am glad that you joined the site and are telling your story.  I am also so sorry that your daughter is suffering and that you are suffering so much too.



It is so very difficult to see any hope for a better future when you have no contact with your daughter and your hearts are broken.

I hope that you will allow us to give you the support you need so that you can begin to heal.

lbjnltx