Update to my harrowing life

[tristesse]

So as most of you are aware mi BPDDD 31 lives with me and has for the past year, and it has been a year in the pits of hell. I have taken a break from this site and spent much of my time focusing on survival, for both my DD and myself.

As planned, my son has purchased my house and DH and I have purchased a new home and will be relocating for his job. BPDDD will be coming with us since she is suffering a multitude of other issues and not just BPD, but as you can imagine this upcoming change has her in state of panic. She has been on a few raging sprees over the past weeks, making life difficult at best, but we are handling it as well s anyone could.

She has had her bouts of screaming and throwing things, yelling uncontrollably and saying hateful  and hurtful things, most of the time nobody will respond to this behavior, but occasionally she pushes enough buttons to illicit some ill begotten comment in return, to which an argument ensues. Those are the rarity these days however. I understand her skewed thought patterns a lot better now, and because of that I have more peace. She is not doing any better, and I don't believe she will ever be better. She has to want it , she has to feel the need to recover, and feel like it's worth fighting for, and she doesn't. The only passion she shows is when she is raging, and that's just all, anger.

I feel sorry for her existence and I feel sorry for her misery. she has to deal with BPD every day of her life, but with that she has PTSD, Agoraphobia, ADHD, Panic Disorder, Depression, macular degeneration, spinal stynosis, and rheumatoid arthritis. she  suffers physically as well as mentally every moment of every day. She is treated with meds for what can be treated with meds, and the rest she sees a therapist for. I have resolved myself to the fact that she will be with me the rest of my natural life, because she will never be able to be on her own. At least I see my GS soon to be 6, and I can watch him grow, and watch over him to see that he safe.

So that is the update on my life at the moment, and please forgive my absence from the site, as I work on me.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Dear tristesse,

So sorry to hear that your situation hasn't improved and life is so stressful for you all.

I feel bad for your family.  So much illness holding everyone in it's grasp.

I hope that the move presents new opportunities for you all and some pleasant surprises.

We are here to lean on when you need us.



lbj

[livednlearned]

Hi tristesse,

I can understand why you chose the name you did  :'( Any one of those issues your list would be hard to deal with, and you are experiencing multiple ones all at once. And yet even then, you are able to recognize the things you are grateful for, being able to understand DD31's thought process, and most importantly, having your GS6 in your life so you can be a stable loving presence for him.

It's good that you are taking care of you as much as possible. It's essential.

Moves can be stressful in and off themselves -- I hope you have some self-care scheduled in there to keep your tank as full as possible.


LnL

[Kwamina]

Welcome back and thanks for this update tristesse

she has to deal with BPD every day of her life, but with that she has PTSD, Agoraphobia, ADHD, Panic Disorder, Depression, macular degeneration, spinal stynosis, and rheumatoid arthritis. she  suffers physically as well as mentally every moment of every day. She is treated with meds for what can be treated with meds, and the rest she sees a therapist for.

Your daughter is dealing with quite a lot of issues, which means that you are too since she's living with you. I remember your struggles from previous posts you made here. Your daughter does see a therapist, is she getting targeted therapy for her BPD or has she perhaps in the past?

She is not doing any better, and I don't believe she will ever be better. She has to want it , she has to feel the need to recover, and feel like it's worth fighting for, and she doesn't.

You say you don't believe she feels the need to recover. That's very unfortunate. Has your daughter ever in any way at least partly acknowledged that there's something wrong with her behavior? Do you feel that it's only that she just doesn't want to get better or perhaps also that she lacks the skills to do better?

I have resolved myself to the fact that she will be with me the rest of my natural life, because she will never be able to be on her own.

You say you've resolved yourself to this but how does this prospect make you feel? If she were to acknowledge her issues some day there perhaps could still be hope for at least some improvement. Being able to see your grandson daily is a very positive thing indeed

[tristesse]

Kwamina thank you for your wise and insightful reply. I say she doesn't want to recover, because she finds the effort to much work, she has so many different issues that she is dealing with, and all of them are difficult for her, so she has given up making much effort. She used to think she would get better one day, and life would be normal for her, now she just wants to stop hurting, both physically and emotionally.

I say am resolved to the fact that she will be with me for the rest of my natural life, because I will never give up on her. I love her. It's just that simple. She hurts my feelings and makes me sad or angry at times, but she is my child, and her struggles will always be mine, I can not let go and let her suffer alone. I fear she will wind up dead if I turn her away, so I keep a watchful eye on her and on my GS, and find peace and calm where I can.

[lever.]

I have wondered how things were going for you Tristesse and I'm sorry things are so difficult for your daughter.

It sounds like you are finding ways to experience some peace among the turmoil 

[Kwamina]

Kwamina thank you for your wise and insightful reply. I say she doesn't want to recover, because she finds the effort to much work, she has so many different issues that she is dealing with, and all of them are difficult for her, so she has given up making much effort. She used to think she would get better one day, and life would be normal for her, now she just wants to stop hurting, both physically and emotionally.

Taking on all the problems at once can be quite overwhelming, especially for someone with BPD. Perhaps it would help if she tried to focus on stabilizing one issue at a time. Do you see any possibilities for an approach like this in which she takes it one step at time, one issue at a time?

I say am resolved to the fact that she will be with me for the rest of my natural life, because I will never give up on her. I love her. It's just that simple. She hurts my feelings and makes me sad or angry at times, but she is my child, and her struggles will always be mine, I can not let go and let her suffer alone. I fear she will wind up dead if I turn her away, so I keep a watchful eye on her and on my GS, and find peace and calm where I can.

Though my family situation is different, I totally get where you're coming from here. I have an elderly uBPD mom and I too keep a watchful eye on her, even though her behavior can still be quite problematic. I don't do it out of fear, obligation or guilt (anymore) but I do it because I've made a conscious decision to 'not let go' like you put it. I'm strict with my boundaries and am becoming even stricter with her but I've also decided not to completely let her go through it alone. So I can definitely relate to how you view the situation with your daughter. No matter what she's still your child, your own flesh and blood, so you do the best you can with what you have to be there for her (while also being very mindful of your own emotional and mental well-being of course). I totally get that.

Take care tristesse

[livednlearned]

Her struggles will be yours, yes. I feel that about my son -- I didn't know it was possible to hurt this badly until I saw my son struggling, not wanting to live.  :'(

But I also am learning that he benefits when I take care of myself. I hope you make time for yourself during this move, tristesse. It is hard to do during transitions, but it may help your D in the long-term if you can stay focused so that when she needs you most, there is some spare energy to share. I've had to really learn to move aside my guilt when I take care of myself, and look at it as though I am filling my cup so I can help fill his.