The real reason they use Silent treatment (information)

[jammo1989]

The real reason they use Silent treatment

From Narc-olgy Facebook page

Our mission is to expose and laugh at those who try and suck the life out of you with manipulation, lies, and brainwashing techniques.

The Silent Treatment~How you no longer exist in their delusional world

July 13, 2013 at 8:03pm

Like the temper tantrum the silent treatment is just another ploy.  You no longer are following their script in some way.  You are not playing their game of pretend.  The silent treatment is mental murder.  They are gaining the upper hand by devaluing you and making you feel unworthy.  It is belittling and makes you feel dead to them.  They banish you and make you feel like you are an “outcast.”  This coupled with the smear campaign can feel like the worst torture possible. 

1.YOU ARE HURTING THEIR EGO

You stopped kissing their ass and giving them supply. You have created boundaries.  And to them you have caused MAJOR narcissistic injury.  You are telling them that they are pieces of crap and maybe even eluding to the fact that they are a narcissist.  They think, “O yea this b___ is going to do/say all this to me….well watch this!” and like a child they use all of their strength to act like you do not exist.  Remember they want to feel superior at all times, so by ignoring you they are taking away your worth.  When they take away your worth they are also devaluing you what you say/think.  In the land of pretend, they have the power to give you life, or take it away.  Ignoring you is like taking away your life. Since you no longer exist to them, what you say means nothing either. The smear campaign is their backup.  They devalue you to everyone as to devalue anything you may say about them.  My ex doesn’t know about this page but I’d bet money if he ever found out and came on here and saw everyone agreeing with me because your experience is so similar, it would shatter his ego.  However, in his pretend world and to the real world, he would ascertain that I’m a jealous, psycho, obsessed b___ who can’t stop thinking about him and I’ve gone to great lengths to keep him alive in my world and make up phony stories about him.  They have to keep their view of themselves up, if they don’t the real self, buried way deep down under layers and layers of ___ will show its ugly head.  The silent treatment is their last resort.

As an example, if you meet up with them somewhere they will act like they don’t know you.  If you go out of your way to talk to them, they will make you feel like an idiot.  I have an ex-husband too and we didn’t have a wonderful, clean divorce, but we never completely ignored each other.  If we met up, we at least said “___ you” if we were on bad terms at the time.  They see you as a piece of unworthy ___ (again opposite day) so that they may feel like the toilet bowl flushing you out of their lives. Showing no emotion towards you makes them feel like King/Queen ass.

Now, I really want you to embrace this because it will take a whole lot of hurt away.  Knowing what they are doing will give you strength until you can let go of needing their acknowledgement, value, or the betrayal you feel.  I’ve ignored people before and it takes a hell of a lot of effort, conscious awareness, and energy from me. You think, “O, how hard to just ignore someone” Well think about no contact and how hard it is not to answer that phone or write back to an email when you want so bad to believe the lies.  Think about any fight you have had with anyone and met up with.  You have to be consciously aware not to talk to them.  You have to use energy to not respond to that email because your thoughts race. They are only stroking their own ego with the silent treatment; it’s the only way they can survive.

2.  THEY HAVE A NEW VICTIM-

This is pretty much similar to the above.  If you have held strong boundaries and don’t allow them to run back and forth, they will begin the silent treatment.  They want to devalue your worth in their minds. When they take your worth away they don’t feel like they lost much. I was by all accounts better than my N’s new woman, and I’m not being conceited.  I was better on paper and I had better morals and kinder heart. I knew this girl before that’s why I can say that and I’ll devalue her if I want to, see?  Even as a non-narc we devalue.  They just go to greater lengths because without doing it they will not recover.  Anyhow, to prove to himself she was the better choice, he deliberately tried every way possible to ruin me.  The more I showed how much he couldn’t shake me, the harder he tried.  His last technique was the silent treatment.  I’m “dead” to him.  It makes me laugh because HE got a temporary protective order ME and then dropped it 5 days later. I guess once I was dead he didn’t want to battle my ghost. 

Nevertheless, learn to not let them determine what you are worth and value. You are hurting yourself by allowing their fake ideals of you become your own. You were a great person before them and you still are.  In fact, you now have the chance to “polish” yourself up a bit.  However, as long as you let this continue, you are doing yourself an injustice.  Find your true self.  Remind yourself that every single thing they say is pretend. This isn't because YOU are worthless, it's because THEY ARE!   Like a child who wants to “show you” they will do this forever until they come back looking for supply.  I hope by then, you can truly tell them to kiss your ass.

How can you truly tell you don’t matter in their eyes anymore?  When they are indifferent.  Indifference is much different from mental murder. What they do is intentional and takes effort. Indifference means you could text them and ask a simple question and get a polite answer and that would be it.  You could meet up with them and get a nice hello.  You could call them up just to make sure they are doing ok.  Narcissist are NEVER indifferent towards their ex.  Indifference, however, should be your goal.

So when you have yourself convinced that you don’t matter, remember two things.  First, they don’t get to decide if you are worthy of anything. Second, they are doing this on purpose like a spoiled brat kid who didn’t get a candy at the store and “hates” you.  Finally, third, they are using all their energy on you and their dumb asses don’t even know it.  Their new mask with you has their fingers in their ears and their eyes and mouth taped shut. In their minds they are saying, “Nanny nanny boo boo.” Big titty babies. 

[lm911]

Very strong and correct words. Thank you!

[downwhim]

I really needed this today! Thank you so much. The last time I saw him he had his arms folded and gave me the silent treatment. I walked out the door.

Love to hear the replacement one that led you to closure.

[misty_red]

It's just so funny that they are all so effing textbook. Been getting the ST ever since the last blow up and final discard. And even before the final discard, this was always her way of devaluing me and preventing me from putting up boundaries.

[apollotech]

In all conversations, the listener has ALL of the power, not the talker. The pwBPD can give (talk) all the silent treatment that they want to,  but if you're not receiving (listening), it's a moot point.

[lipstick]

Jammo,

Thank you for this info. I'm not on the boards much anymore. Think I've finally reached "Radical Acceptance". However, I'm home sick today and thought I would visit the boards to see who's recovering! Found your post and I think it's terrific!

The Silent Treatment - ah, my BPDex's favorite form of punishment. Vicious, indeed. Pulled this crap right after he dumped me. Tried to come back a year later via Facebook. I refused. He blocked me. Now I've found recent (just this weekend!) evidence that he's snooping around again. I doubt if there will be contact of any kind - but you are correct in that we aren't erased from their minds. They probably think about us a lot more often than we realize. I'm sure mine does - but he has no clue how to reach out and make amends. It's also too late for that. Time does indeed heal!

Going to go back and re-read your original post again. Good stuff!    

[Skip]

I have to ask the hard question... . is this insight and reference material or is this the jumbled emotion stew of a fellow suffering ex - another on of us - very early in the injury phase (bless her)?

The reason I ask is that we will see it in others before we will see it in ourself - or put another way - if we can't see it in others, we are a long way away from seeing it in ourself.

Silent Treatment or No Contact. Reading the context of this "point of view", I don't think the author is talking about "silent treatment".  It reads like she is talking about "no contact".  My clue is the phrase "you no longer exist" in the title.

Is this a Worthy Healing Goal? Do you share the authors goal of "exposing and laughing at" the ex? Is this how we heal from the person in our life that hurt us so much by rejecting us and walking away? Devalue them?

Are We Held to the Same Standard? Since we advocate limited contact, controlled contact, and at times, no contact, does this author's motivations accurately describe us?  

To me, this is this really an essay on how devastating rejection can be to someone (like some of us) and the struggles of abandonment anxiety? I have felt the humiliation of loving someone that no longer loved me. It's hard.

Now, I really want you to embrace this because it will take a whole lot of hurt away.  Knowing what they are doing will give you strength... .They are only stroking their own ego with the silent treatment; it’s the only way they can survive.

I struggle with this advice. Is this why people go no contact - they not only want to hurt others, they are addicted to it?  

Or is it that they can't cope with the contact?  Why do we do it?

~ Sometimes we run away from things that are stuck and going in circles.

~ Sometimes we run away from things that make us feel bad.

~ Sometimes we run away from things that violate us.

~ Sometimes we run away from our own failure or shame.

~ Sometimes we hide from our own emotions as we are afraid to face them.

So when you have yourself convinced that you don’t matter, remember two things.  First, they don’t get to decide if you are worthy of anything. Second, they are doing this on purpose like a spoiled brat kid who didn’t get a candy at the store and “hates” you.  Finally, third, they are using all their energy on you and their dumb asses don’t even know it.  Their new mask with you has their fingers in their ears and their eyes and mouth taped shut. In their minds they are saying, “Nanny nanny boo boo.” Big titty babies.

Or maybe its not this much about us at all... .its about how they go about solving their own struggles... .is a desperate and not so admirable way.

Good topic.  Curious to hear more on this.  

[BatMasterson]

Hi Skip -

are you not advocating No Contact?   NC was the first major step I took to break off my attachment to my BPD/NPD partner.  Until then I had stuck it out and would keep re-engaging.   I went NC after she walked out the last time based on advice from a number of other "get your ex back" sites but after reading more about her professed commitment phobia while trying to make sense of the senselessness of the entire situation, I came across several BPD sites and they all state to break off all contact and block/don't respond.

However, whatever the ex's motivations are behind breaking off all contact, it's immaterial.  For me, the big step was to not recycle/re-engage/pine for the ex.  Hard as hell but she's come back three times and I was weak enough to engage for a few days at which time the anger, the gaslighting, the blaming would start to come through.   I just hope I'm strong enough the next time if she ever finds a way to make contact again.  

[Skip]

are you not advocating No Contact?   NC was the first major step I took to break off my attachment to my BPD/NPD partner.  Until then I had stuck it out and would keep re-engaging.   I went NC after she walked out the last time based on advice from a number of other "get your ex back" sites but after reading more about her professed commitment phobia while trying to make sense of the senselessness of the entire situation, I came across several BPD sites and they all state to break off all contact and block/don't respond.

We advocate all three - low contact, controlled contact, and if we need it, no contact. My response was challenging the posted blogger who is assigning all kinds of nefarious rational to no contact.

It sounds like your exwalked away you and you wanted her back, initially. You tried to go no contact to create a space so that the energy of the conflict would dissipate and she might see you and return - a popular "get the ex back" strategy and a generally good if we can walk the line without creating further conflict (and it can be done).  It sounds like later you realized that the relationship instability was not going to "fix" and you trumped your emotions (desire to rekindle) with your logic/executive function and cut of contact to get the space to let go and detach.

It all sounds reasonable.

I would guess you actually tried low contact and controlled contact as it is less anxiety laden, but found the relationship problems kept resurfacing so you tried something else (no contact) as a last resort.

Also reasonable.

I exited one relationship that required NC for all the same reasons as you. I also exited one with Controlled Contact, and it was far far easier on me (and the other person) emotionally.  The difference between the former and the later was me - I was stronger in the second relationship.

It all hurts.  Its all hard.  We have to play the cards we are dealt.  No contact is fraught with anxiety (read the op), but sometimes it is the best tool for the job.

[Madison66]

I agree the message of the article may be a little murky.  I can say I experienced "silent treatment" in a couple different ways with my uBPD/NPD ex gf of 3+ years.  Maybe in a similar way the article is talking about it as a punishment and also as part of the constant "push/pull" in the r/s.  I recall being in a store at about 9pm with my daughter and receiving a call from my ex gf.  She was crying (almost screaming) and carrying on about how bad her young children were acting and that they were out of control.  I listened for a short period, tried to validate her and then told her I'd call her back once we got home.  I did that and she didn't answer.  I texted her twice to see if she was ok and she didn't respond.  I asked her the next day if she had received my messages and she said "yes".  I then asked her why she didn't respond and she simply said she didn't feel like it at the time.  I was pissed and came to understand that she did it to punish me for not taking on and resolving her struggles at the time of the call.  There were other glaring incidences of push/pull where we'd have fantastic w/e together followed by her not responding to calls or texts for a couple days.  She knew I'd come running to see what was wrong and I always did.

The bottom-line of all of this is that I allowed myself to be subjected to the behavior and my continued participation made it worse.  It was about co-dependency and I am now so aware of co-dependent thoughts and feelings I have now in love, family and friendship r/s.  All of the dysfunction and unhealthiness is like a memory of a memory, but I keep coming back to this forum to help me maintain awareness that it was only 15 months ago and that I never want it again in my life.

[BatMasterson]

are you not advocating No Contact?   NC was the first major step I took to break off my attachment to my BPD/NPD partner.  Until then I had stuck it out and would keep re-engaging.   I went NC after she walked out the last time based on advice from a number of other "get your ex back" sites but after reading more about her professed commitment phobia while trying to make sense of the senselessness of the entire situation, I came across several BPD sites and they all state to break off all contact and block/don't respond.

We advocate all three - low contact, controlled contact, and if we need it, no contact. My response was challenging the posted blogger who is assigning all kinds of nefarious rational to no contact.

It sounds like your exwalked away you and you wanted her back, initially. You tried to go no contact to create a space so that the energy of the conflict would dissipate and she might see you and return - a popular "get the ex back" strategy and a generally good if we can walk the line without creating further conflict (and it can be done).  It sounds like later you realized that the relationship instability was not going to "fix" and you trumped your emotions (desire to rekindle) with your logic/executive function and cut of contact to get the space to let go and detach.

It all sounds reasonable.

I would guess you actually tried low contact and controlled contact as it is less anxiety laden, but found the relationship problems kept resurfacing so you tried something else (no contact) as a last resort.

Also reasonable.

I exited one relationship that required NC for all the same reasons as you. I also exited one with Controlled Contact, and it was far far easier on me (and the other person) emotionally.  The difference between the former and the later was me - I was stronger in the second relationship.

It all hurts.  Its all hard.  We have to play the cards we are dealt.  No contact is fraught with anxiety (read the op), but sometimes it is the best tool for the job.

Not to get too personal, but was the Controlled Contact break-up with someone who has/had BPD?   My thoughts were that these boards exist because exiting a BPD relationship is so hard.   I know for me I was desperately in love with her (and probably with the relationship and not wanting to give up and abandonment fears etc).   Controlled contact and limited contact just kept dragging me back in with hope that she would be rational/reasonable.   I think a lot of people here are in the same boat - things just don't make sense in any logically way and that leaves you confused but also gives you hope that "maybe they'll come to their senses" (to quote some other posts).   I've had a number of normal breakups and even then, unless there is a reason (like kids) to maintain contact, it's usually best to break it off as one person is usually still more invested than the other.   but the heartache in this one... .limited/controlled contact just delays the healing - if you were able to do that with a BPD you have my complete respect :-)   

[Skip]

I listened for a short period, tried to validate her and then told her I'd call her back once we got home.  I did that and she didn't answer.  I texted her twice to see if she was ok and she didn't respond.  I asked her the next day if she had received my messages and she said "yes".  I then asked her why she didn't respond and she simply said she didn't feel like it at the time.  

It sounds like the initial reaction was genuine emotional overload.

However, instead of returning to baseline, she decided to punish you in a passive aggressive way. She knew you would be frustrated by the silence (most likely how she felt frustrated by your actions) and she was paying you back.

There is an internal logic to all of this - it certainly made sense to her - but it no fun for you.

You are probably right.  She had an expectation and an entitlement that you didn't live up to (what could you do?) so she hurt you.

It's self sabotaging behavior.

She's breaking down the relationship (that she depends on) rather than building it.

[raisins3142]

I read some horrible advice from a pick up artist (PUA) that you need to control the relationship and so you should come off most definitely as the one that is least attached.  I think my ex did this perhaps subconsciously.

The silent treatment during a relationship is distinct from no contact.

Inside the relationship, my ex would be withdrawn and nearly silent while together (to the point of pointing instead of talking while giving me directions) and not answer my texts/calls while apart (at least not in any sort of a timely fashion).

[Skip]

but the heartache in this one... .limited/controlled contact just delays the healing - if you were able to do that with a BPD you have my complete respect :-)  

We have thousands of members that did LC or CC.  

Its not one size fits all.  

There are tradeoffs with each.

Some Internet experts are prone to overstate things - over simplify - over "one0side" it.  There is general truth in what they say, otherwise no one would even read it, but often not at the extremes stated.

Everything you said sounds like NC was what YOU needed to do - and a big component of that was to break your own connection with her.

[jammo1989]

NC is used for the NON to heal, find themselves again, allow themselves time to look back and see the relationship exactly for what it was.  Where as, the use of silent treatment is used by the Cluster B in order to regain abusive control over the subject, Narcissists and other Cluster Ba traits gain self worth through attention.  The silent treatment is merely used as a way to punish you for not meeting their needs.  The core focus here although subconscious is to provoke a reaction from us in order to gain attention.  For example:

2 Nons break up, but need time apart in the form of NC to heal (healthy, mature example)

"Im hurting so much right now, I need to take this time to get over you because talking to you really hurts because I miss you"   


A Cluster B initiates the silent treatment because their needs arent being met (BPD,HPD/NPD)

"Now you have your belongings back you have no reason to speak to me again, do you understand?"


As you can see, from the above, there is closure within NC, where as the silent treatment is used to take you off guard and put your full attention back onto them, "Why are you being like this?" What have I done wrong? please tell me" this is NOT NC solely because the Cluster B is not hurt or compassionate so NC to them is not used or seen as a tool of healing.  I could talk all day about the silent treatment and its uses of trying to reconnect with the NON, because by this time you are already hooked so all thats left to do while in the FOG is chase.  So in reference to the silent treatment I posted at the start of this thread, It would seem that, not only do I strongly agree with the writer, but I also strongly disagree with the fact that, NC and Silent treatment are and can be used as a response that correlates with one another, they are used and implemented at completely opposite ends of the spectrum.   

[upsidedown_world]

The other side of the silent treatment... .

A couple of things that came to mind when reading the original post.

First, although "Indifference = emotional relationship death" may be a rule of thumb for someone with NPD, indifference doesn't necessarily mean it's actually "over" with someone with BPD.  Indifference can be is a form of detachment/disassociation, putting on another mask, the chameleon changing to adapt.  Disassociation is common with BPD.  They probably WISH it was a permanent solution, but unless they have an alternate source of ego-propping, they still are slaves to their own needs and can't keep up the facade for more than a few days before their needs become more important and they return to non-silent status.

Secondly, the silent treatment is actually a valid (although dysfunctional) "tool" for someone who is emotionally raw and whose emotions are NOT under control, and who wants to gain the upper hand because they've been conditioned on some level to know that it works.  There are three intertwined motives/results - it provides a shelter in the form of disassociation/disconnect, it "gets even" or punishes the person they blame for not doing what they needed them to in the moment, and it often shifts power.  Note that if their SO has any abandonment issues (which can actually be a collateral damage RESULT of being in a relationship with the BPD person), it can trigger their SO into an abandonment frenzy, and power is SIGNIFICANTLY back in their court... .all the more reason to use it.

Unfortunately, if we use their "silent treatment" as permission to go do something with friends (which you might with a normally functioning person, to respectfully give them the space that they are needing to work things out), it would NOT be likely to send negative reinforcement to the BPD for the behavior, but instead will trigger THEIR inherent abandonment emotions and ramp everything up to the next level... .so the best thing to do is probably just stay put and bide your time, knowing it's just their way of coping.

[Skip]

NC is used for the NON to heal, find themselves again, allow themselves time to look back and see the relationship exactly for what it was.  Where as, the use of silent treatment is used by the Cluster B in order to regain abusive control over the subject, Narcissists and other Cluster Ba traits gain self worth through attention.  The silent treatment is merely used as a way to punish you for not meeting their needs.  The core focus here although subconscious is to provoke a reaction from us in order to gain attention.

Jammo,

Would you agree that silent treatment is something that happens in a relationship and the same act after a relationship is over is No Contact?

In a relationship there is a distinction between asking for space and silent treatment - the former being cooperative and the latter being unilateral?

I think this is the conventional use of terminology and it might help the discussion.

I think most of us agree that extended silent treatment and extended moodiness in a relationship is controlling behavior. Some even associate it with a pattern of coercion.  Here is a good article posted by hope2727.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272320.0

Agree.

Where I struggle with the Facebook blogger and your comment that is the idea that NC is a universally good thing for members here and a universally bad thing when their partners do it. Is this a balanced understanding of human psychology?  Or is it attribution bias?

NC hurts. And if we care, we almost always feel like it is punishment from the other person. Even if we don't care, its unsettling. Hell, having a landscaper quit and say "never call me again" is unsettling.

But no contact comes to be for a number of reasons on all sides.  It can be anger/punishment, it can be an attempt to win someone back (contact denial), it can be running away from a number of different things including a needy - won't take no - ex.

What do you think?

[Invictus01]

My girlie decided to walk away from me with a text... .not even a break up "It is over" text. She just all the sudden declared me to be her "good friend" and disappeared just to reappear 5 weeks later with a "Merry Christmas" text. I was so hurt by the way she treated me (I told my best friend that the way everything went down, it was as if I mistreated her so badly, she had no choice but to walk away), I ignore that text. I texted her a couple of months later telling her that I loved her and until I'm over it, I can't and won't be her friend. She completely ignored that, and responded with "I wish I felt the same about you, but I would absolutely like to have your friendship but completely understand if it is all or nothing". I didn't respond. Anyway, I don't know why they use silent treatment but to be honest, it is probably better for a non's sanity anyway if they do. Once the idealization stage passes, it really is like dealing with a 5 year old who doesn't understand an adult conversation... .

[JRT]

My girlie decided to walk away from me with a text... .not even a break up "It is over" text. She just all the sudden declared me to be her "good friend" and disappeared just to reappear 5 weeks later with a "Merry Christmas" text. I was so hurt by the way she treated me (I told my best friend that the way everything went down, it was as if I mistreated her so badly, she had no choice but to walk away), I ignore that text. I texted her a couple of months later telling her that I loved her and until I'm over it, I can't and won't be her friend. She completely ignored that, and responded with "I wish I felt the same about you, but I would absolutely like to have your friendship but completely understand if it is all or nothing". I didn't respond. Anyway, I don't know why they use silent treatment but to be honest, it is probably better for a non's sanity anyway if they do. Once the idealization stage passes, it really is like dealing with a 5 year old who doesn't understand an adult conversation... .

Mine was also a text: 'our relationship is over... .I have moved out... .DON'T try to contact me!' This after moving in three weeks earlier! She blocked me from every imaginable form of contact and when I tried to call from an unblocked hotel line on xmas eve, she called the cops!

Over the course of 2 years, I can count on one hand how many times we had argued... .

[jammo1989]

NC is used for the NON to heal, find themselves again, allow themselves time to look back and see the relationship exactly for what it was.  Where as, the use of silent treatment is used by the Cluster B in order to regain abusive control over the subject, Narcissists and other Cluster Ba traits gain self worth through attention.  The silent treatment is merely used as a way to punish you for not meeting their needs.  The core focus here although subconscious is to provoke a reaction from us in order to gain attention.

Jammo,

Would you agree that silent treatment is something that happens in a relationship and the same act after a relationship is over is No Contact?

In a relationship there is a distinction between asking for space and silent treatment - the former being cooperative and the latter being unilateral?

I think this is the conventional use of terminology and it might help the discussion.

I think most of us agree that extended silent treatment and extended moodiness in a relationship is controlling behavior. Some even associate it with a pattern of coercion.  Here is a good article posted by hope2727.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=272320.0

Agree.

Where I struggle with the Facebook blogger and your comment that is the idea that NC is a universally good thing for members here and a universally bad thing when their partners do it. Is this a balanced understanding of human psychology?  Or is it attribution bias?

NC hurts. And if we care, we almost always feel like it is punishment from the other person. Even if we don't care, its unsettling. Hell, having a landscaper quit and say "never call me again" is unsettling.

But no contact comes to be for a number of reasons on all sides.  It can be anger/punishment, it can be an attempt to win someone back (contact denial), it can be running away from a number of different things including a needy - won't take no - ex.

What do you think?

Skip, Its always good to have a debate based on our own  psychological preferences relating to such an important subject, but I would still have to disagree with the above statement.  I will illiterate on why I think this:

The core or should I say the catalyst behind Cluster B behavior is the need for attention, although this is all subconscious and not calculated it still has an adverse effect on their behaviors leading up and after the relationship.  Let me explain even further, the use of NC comes with closure, "I dont want to contact you for this reason" and with closure comes acceptance between both parties, so when the silent treatment is used it is a statement on their behalf as if to say "You are no longer meeting my need for attention so I have attached myself to someone else. BUT this is where It goes deeper, the Cluster B does feel some form of guilt and because of their lack of emotional development they disappear to avoid any further triggers of guilt, by doing this the NON is left extremely confused and its only natural to reach out to the Cluster B for closure, thus in turn strokes their ego because their negative response has now caused you to chase looking for closure.  They now have the attention from you and the new attachment they have latched onto, during this period they dont care about you or have no intention to reach out during this period because their need for attention is now being met by not only the heart broken NON but by the replacement to. As you can now see that, the use of NC comes with closure and with closure comes acceptance and with acceptance comes the need not to chase looking for answers, which then means a loss of narcissistic supply.

Furthermore, I would also like to state that, If NC was the same as the silent treatment after a relationship then why do the Cluster Bs almost ALWAYS reach out to us but only when it suits them?  If NC is a tool for healing, which I personally feel it is, then why do these Cluster Bs reach out only to charm us back in?  My personal opinion is because, there was no healing on their behalf solely because the attention the thing they crave for is being met during that period by somebody else.  That is exactly why its called the silent treatment they go silent on us when we dont give them the attention they need in order to function properly.  Then when the attention isnt being met with the replacement they reach out.

The last question I would also like to ask you is this:

If the Cluster B uses NC after a relationship (the healing tool) then why is it when they reach out to us it is more often than not sexually based?  Ive had a few NON relationships in my time, and I can tell you now that, after NC the conversation that may incur was never sexually driven, because at this point we had both met Indifference.  With this in mind please tell me how many Cluster Bs do you know who meet indifference with us after NC? the answer is very little if not any, solely because, they refuse to give up Narc supply, this is why our exes reach out to us, they play the silent game by using distractions such as moving on straight away, pregnancy marriage only only to keep the attention on THEM, and when this has passed the cycle repeats itself in the form of sending letters of apology, asking to meet up, manipulation, love bombing, gas lighting the list is endless, you only have to read the posts on the forum to see how often these Cluster Bs come crawling back, so if it was truly NC on their behalf the goal of indifference would be the final result, but in reality its solely a waiting game of silence for them until your finally needed again.