He accused me of "attacking him with a weapon"~

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

I haven't posted here in ages, and it's not "no news is good news" unfortunately.

My now UBpdX (or bipolar, NPD whatever) is harassing me constantly.

I took the kids for holidays in the mountain for one week, and I told BPDx in advance. He went rather wild about it and arranged immediately to take baby on Friday (as I'd be away at the week end and he takes baby one day per week end).

Anyway, when in holidays he asked for news every two days. In the end I sent him a few pics.

Two days later, on my way back and after 7 hours of driving, I had the wonderful suprise to find a notification in my letter box, from the police, asking me to justify of my actions. I was accused of "entering illegally his home" and "attacking him with a weapon" ?

I went straightaway to the police station, I was under shock. They told me that "weapon" meant "car" in that context... .

And here are things the way they REALLY took place:

A month ago, I felt down (after months of hell and harassment) and he seemed normal at last. Or so I thought because he looked calm. So I showed up unexpected on the evening, after going to pick up my son at ex's place (I now refuse to drive there), place he'd always refused to show me.

Anyhow, I knocked, he opened the door and I forced slightly my way into his appartment. He'd described a splendid place and all I found was a lousy studio... .within seconds he'd jumped on his phone to call the police (without even asking me to leave). He blocked my way to the door and told the policeman "My ex forced her way into my appartment... ." I said loudly "Could you please tell him to let me go?" The policeman said "Sir, let her go".

The next day he was sending me messages about "making peace" and arranging to come to MY place 2 days later on our son's first birthday... .

As for the "weapon" one... .it reminds me of one thing only.

It was back in November, he showed up really agressive to take baby away. I refused and ran away to my car on the street. He tried to prevent me from entering my car and then stood in the middle of the street as I was driving. I stopped and reversed calmly and took the one way street the wrong way. I saw he was setting a trap by trying to provoke me into forcing my way.

So now he claims I tried to run him over.

I'm called to the police station next Sunday.

I'm going to (finally) complain about his cruelty, lies and abuse. I've been writing about all what's happened for months. Unfortunately I have no witnesses, apart from my D10 and she's not allowed to testify.

I'm under shock, I'd never thought he'd go that far :-'(

[Indyan]

Hi,

I haven't posted here in ages, and it's not "no news is good news" unfortunately.

My now UBpdX (or bipolar, NPD whatever) is harassing me constantly.

I took the kids for holidays in the mountain for one week, and I told BPDx in advance. He went rather wild about it and arranged immediately to take baby on Friday (as I'd be away at the week end and he takes baby one day per week end).

Anyway, when in holidays he asked for news every two days. In the end I sent him a few pics.

Two days later, on my way back and after 7 hours of driving, I had the wonderful suprise to find a notification in my letter box, from the police, asking me to justify of my actions. I was accused of "entering illegally his home" and "attacking him with a weapon" ?

I went straightaway to the police station, I was under shock. They told me that "weapon" meant "car" in that context... .

And here are things the way they REALLY took place:

A month ago, I felt down (after months of hell and harassment) and he seemed normal at last. Or so I thought because he looked calm. So I showed up unexpected on the evening, after going to pick up my son at ex's place (I now refuse to drive there), place he'd always refused to show me.

Anyhow, I knocked, he opened the door and I forced slightly my way into his appartment. He'd described a splendid place and all I found was a lousy studio... .within seconds he'd jumped on his phone to call the police (without even asking me to leave). He blocked my way to the door and told the policeman "My ex forced her way into my appartment... ." I said loudly "Could you please tell him to let me go?" The policeman said "Sir, let her go".

The next day he was sending me messages about "making peace" and arranging to come to MY place 2 days later on our son's first birthday... .

As for the "weapon" one... .it reminds me of one thing only.

It was back in November, he showed up really agressive to take baby away. I refused and ran away to my car on the street. He tried to prevent me from entering my car and then stood in the middle of the street as I was driving. I stopped and reversed calmly and took the one way street the wrong way. I saw he was setting a trap by trying to provoke me into forcing my way.

So now he claims I tried to run him over.

I'm called to the police station next Sunday.

I'm going to (finally) complain about his cruelty, lies and abuse. I've been writing about all what's happened for months. Unfortunately I have no witnesses, apart from my D10 and she's not allowed to testify.

I'm under shock, I'd never thought he'd go that far :-'(

[ugghh]

Indy

I think if you will peruse some of the posts of of others (thinking of David and maybe LivedandLearned) you will see a number of members have adopted a policy of always having an audio or video recorder going when around the BPD.  It sounds as if you might want to consider the same strategy.

[tjay933]

I've heard of others that choose to carry recorders or cameras with them, they actually lift them and show the pwBPD that they are recording and the thought that it will be recorded actually calms the pwBPD down some. if they rant on after seeing it is being recorded it may be admissible in court as they knew they were being recorded but if they don't know about the recording that it may not be admissible? don't know if that is so where you live or not though.

watch your step with this one and cover your backside too. stay safe and by all means keep the little ones safe.

[Gloria_Patch]

Ok wow. He's pulling you into the web - emotionally.

Luckily, my mother and a therapist had pushed me to close off all contact with my ex. But, it took months of no contact with him to get out of web.

Someone suggested police drop offs. Why don't you try that, since he is making false accusations.  Once you are away from him, you'll begin to see his disease from the outside. And, you can disengage emotionally.

[ForeverDad]

I recorded during the last months of my marriage and afterward, I felt I had to protect myself from false allegations and those concerns proved true.  I did give my then-spouse an opportunity to see what she was doing but it didn't go well, as I described below.  Yes, only rarely did court or children's services listen to my recordings, once in 2005-6, once in 2007 and once in 2013, but having them was helpful, they helped me sleep a little better, I knew I could prove I wasn't the one aggressively misbehaving - if it became necessary.

Record 'on the sly.'  You're not being nefarious by doing so, it's just that you want proof how she behaves in the home setting when she believes she can let her hair down and act out - and perhaps even serve to be self-protection in case she makes threats or tries to frame you for alleged bad behaviors.  If you shove a microphone in her face or flaunt/advertize it she'll either get triggered and overreact or put her Mask of Seeming Normalcy back on and you'll get nothing.

I recorded using small voice recorders.  In recent years I've even seen ads for PenCams that not only record audio and simple video, they even write.  These days lots of electronic devices record, so her rights to be informed or not be recorded, if any, are probably not an issue.

I recorded before we separated.  Not only did I want proof I wasn't the one behaving so poorly, I also viewed it as an unusual form of INSURANCE to protect me somewhat from false allegations of Domestic Violence, child abuse, child neglect or child endangerment.  Sadly, when it comes to DV and the Violence Against Women Act many jurisdictions don't care who the misbehaving person is, if the police are called its the man who is carted off to jail.  And if the person who happens to be of the female gender files allegations, it's an uphill struggle for the person of the male gender to convince the court and professionals otherwise.

I recall one time I recorded one of her rages on our camcorder.  I left it out and sure enough she saw it.  Never once said a word to me though.  I walked in the bedroom and there was the tape, case broken and tape ripped into minute shreds.  I was actually surprised she didn't break the camcorder!  It proved to me she really knew what her behaviors were but it never stopped her from more rants and rages.

[livednlearned]

Hi Indyan,

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is stressful, and on top of everything you have the baby to take care of.

What happens next in terms of the charges? Do you have to get a solicitor and show up in court to defend yourself?

[Gloria_Patch]

Also, maybe you shouldn't go to the police station without a lawyer.