.My story...

[Berto333]

I'm lost. Not even sure if I'm in the right section but im the one with BPD. And because of my actions insecurities and countless other struggles I have hurt the one I love dearly. At this moment we have separated although it hasn't been three months I'm sure it will take me longer than that to learn more about myself. I would like to be different or be able to control the way my thought process works. Lately I have noticed a lot of fault in things I used to not feel was my fault. The recognition side of it is starting to become more clear now that I have no options. I would like to think that I still have a chance to better myself for me and my family so I can be the man and provider I need to be. I'm 31 years old have a wife and two boys (one 9 and the other 17 months.) my world. I would love to learn more about how I can become a better person, see the happiness! I'm my head I believe I have all these goals I would like to achieve just feel like I've got a lot of road blocks in front of me. I'm just tired of talking about getting better. Please if anyone has questions or guidance for me to get going in the right direction it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

God bless

Berto

[Turkish]

Hello Berto333,

Any separation or breakdown of a family is so emotionally tough on everyone, even more so if you take the blame (shame), or are blamed for it (shaming). Have you been formally diagnosed with BPD, or did you or someone else tell you that? It should be a joyous time, even if stressful, with a fairly young child in the family, and relationships between parents can suffer when children arrive, though no fault of their own. Do you have any real world support in your life right now, like family, friends, or a therapist? How much contact do you have with your wife and children right now?

Turkish

[Berto333]

Yes it's definitely taken a toll and honestly the only thing I feel i have left is my wife and boys.

For me I believe I started develope symptoms or I guess feelings of not being good enough or as if I had to impress. I don't believe I ever really learned how to show true emotion like to express what your heart feels. For some reasons my actions just never seem to end with a conclusion to why it happened. Cause I still carry the same feeling I have for my wife I love her and want to be able to show the emotion. I feel as if I never really saw happiness in my family it or "they" always seemed to be so stressed and consumed with their issues that it poured over us kids. So I felt a lot of times we saw a relationship that seemed normal when they argued and fought, and I know every relationship isn't perfect heck I believe sometimes that where the happiness hides. Maybe I'm wrong, that's the thing I don't know but I WANT to. I want to see some light. Because I'll be honest I don't think I've admitted being scared but I am. Not to be a better person just taking this journey alone because I haven't done it any sooner like I was asked... .A lot by my wife. The relationship I have with my parents is... .Well nothing. Hard for me to even begin to fathom the thought of including them in this. I know at a time I tried to break it down to them and explain key things (triggers) amongst other things but just didn't feel the support I needed. My wife's family has been there for me I've gotten very close to them and have confided in them a lot. Geez just kind of putting it all out there... I apologize. But yes I do have a therapist and yes the diagnosis is true had to get a "second" opinion just to make sure I guess. Just didn't want to take it lightly and I feel I did. Which is why I am here now

[Turkish]

Hello Berto,

I just wanted to make sure that you weren't being pressured to accept something that may not be, though many of us can take on traits from the people with BPD in our lives while not being clinically diagnosable. I have lingering traits from my diagnosed with BPD (and depression) mother, for example.

The good news is that yes, you are young, and it seems that you do have a support system in your life, as well as that wonderful family of yours. Kids are gifts. It takes a lot of strength and courage to reach out for support, Berto.

This board, however, is tailored for those of us who are either trying to improve the relationships with the people with BPD in our lives, or those of us detaching from failed relationships. As such, we don't have many resources to support you, specifically. Can you take a look at these link which can connect you to more appropriate boards?

Resources for BPD Sufferers

This one may also help: www.dbtselfhelp.com/

I wish you well on your journey. It gives me hope for the people in my life that you can reach out like this to take control to improving the lives of your family, and most importantly, you 

All The Best,

Turkish

[Berto333]

Thank you it means a lot to me for your support. And for reading my story.

Take care