uBPDx, D3 next month, and S5. Joint legal and physical custody stipulation filed last summer. Signed by the court. I served her because she didn't want to file. I finally convinced her just before she moved out, though I would have served her anyway. Convincing meant less conflict, to get her in a mind to agree that it was also her idea. She even agreed to have me pay below guideline support, the balance going towards the kids' college savings plans which I administer, with a little less than $100 left over as a break to me. The danger f below guidelne is that she can file for full support without change of circumstances. Thus, it's in my best interest to not trigger Queen.
It's continued to be low conflict. I've watched the kids now and then on her time. She says she appreciates it. After the stip was filed,.I gave her permission to take the kids from California to Texas to visit her sister. We both need each other's permission to take the kids out of state.
Today, she called me, very sweet, but only because she needed things from me (realistically, this is the only reason she'd call other than kid business... .I put down boundaries last year due to her constantly checking up on the kids due to object constancy issues, and she's been weaned off of those).
She wants to take the kids to Puerto Rico in the summer. If not then, then in December. Technically, this is still the US. I said I'd have to think about that. Then she said that she wanted to take the kids to Mexico when D almost 3 turned D5, and our son would be 7.
She's originally from Mexico, but has US citizenship now. The only time she scared me with this was when S5 was a baby, less than 1. Her green card was about to expire and her citizenship application was taking a long time. She said, if I have to go back, S0 is coming with me, because a son belongs with his mother." I didn't say anything, but my wheels were turning."No way in hell," I thought. Realistically, I would have just harbored her for the sake of my family...
One, I don't consider her a flight risk since her whole immediate family is here, as is her job and her bf (affair partner, now fiancée). I would, however, like the kids to be old enough to advocate for themselves. Say, D10, and S12. Am I being unreasonable? I know I have every legal right to say "no trips out of the country until they're adults." She has little money, and neither does her family. So the logical flight risk doesn't make sense in my mind.
However, she still hides things and lies to me by omission, which is why I don't entirely trust if not her, then her judgement, such as when she was driving the kids around
improperly restrained , S5 not in a car seat, and D2 in S5's booster, when she is 15 lbs too light and inches too short for that. She also lied by omission to me last month when I asked about a pretty bad scratch on D2's nose and she said it was because "they were playing with cars on the floor and a car hit her face." S5 had told me that her bf did it, but I didn't tell my Ex that I knew that. I know him well enough to know when he is telling the truth.
In any case, I'm ambivalent about the PR trip, and firm about my age limits for Mexico. Am I being unreasonable, or do I conclude, "this is a consequence of your choices." No SET (well maybe a little) and stand firm? The Mexico thing I can put off, but she's going to want an answer for PR soon.
