Do (or did) any of your kids have IEPs or 504s for school?

[Parents! Get help here!]

I found the process of getting support services through the school for my son to be daunting, and wondered if anyone here has gone through the process of getting an IEP or 504 plan for their child?

Maybe it's different for others, but the process was a real eye-opener about a whole other side of school that I never knew about. It introduced me to support staff I didn't even know existed, and laws I had to learn in order to understand what everything meant. It can also trigger some fear on both sides, including hostility. There were times I couldn't tell if I was being bullied, and some parents in my district go to their IEP meetings with their lawyers   I also discovered a some angels along the way who were so wonderful and once they knew what S13 was going through provided support that in many ways was more important than the support accommodations we eventually got.

My son is not diagnosed BPD, but at the time I went through the assessment for school support, his diagnosis was ODD, depressed, generalized anxiety, and ADHD/ADD combined type. His dad is uBPD. S13 also seems to have some dyslexia, but was performing well above grade level in core classes, enough to be labeled gifted, so he was ultimately classified as twice exceptional, which is pretty much a class of kids no one knows what to do with. Most of his issues were emotional, and the only thing that seemed to matter to the school was the ADHD, even though that seemed like the least of his problems, at least in terms of getting through the day.

Curious if anyone else has gone through this, and what your experience was like?

[livednlearned]

I found the process of getting support services through the school for my son to be daunting, and wondered if anyone here has gone through the process of getting an IEP or 504 plan for their child?

Maybe it's different for others, but the process was a real eye-opener about a whole other side of school that I never knew about. It introduced me to support staff I didn't even know existed, and laws I had to learn in order to understand what everything meant. It can also trigger some fear on both sides, including hostility. There were times I couldn't tell if I was being bullied, and some parents in my district go to their IEP meetings with their lawyers   I also discovered a some angels along the way who were so wonderful and once they knew what S13 was going through provided support that in many ways was more important than the support accommodations we eventually got.

My son is not diagnosed BPD, but at the time I went through the assessment for school support, his diagnosis was ODD, depressed, generalized anxiety, and ADHD/ADD combined type. His dad is uBPD. S13 also seems to have some dyslexia, but was performing well above grade level in core classes, enough to be labeled gifted, so he was ultimately classified as twice exceptional, which is pretty much a class of kids no one knows what to do with. Most of his issues were emotional, and the only thing that seemed to matter to the school was the ADHD, even though that seemed like the least of his problems, at least in terms of getting through the day.

Curious if anyone else has gone through this, and what your experience was like?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kate4queen]

Oh when you walk into the first meeting for your fourth child with the special resource dept and you know everyone? They start to look at you funny.

I've dealt with an Aspie, a child with cerebral palsy who later developed a lot of other mental health issues culminating in BPD, OCD, ADD, ADHD.

So a bucket full of symptoms and kids.

Things I learned to do.

Make them repeat everything until I understood the repercussions of what they intended to do, who would be involved and how it would impact my child.

Refused to sort out their educational issues for them. For example, "no I will not pay to have my child tutored in math because you want your test scores to look better."

Kept batting the issues back to them. "How are you going to fix this?" While being interested, involved and supportive.

Just don't let them get away with telling you how things will be. Make them explain themselves, make the issues clear and don't let them make you feel bad about your kid-you probably already feel bad enough.

And if it comes down to it-refuse to sign to say you agree with what's been discussed and ask for a parent advocate to be with you, or your lawyer. Do not let them railroad you.

[lbjnltx]

Sounds like you know the ropes pretty well Kate!

Did you ever have to hire a lawyer?

I have heard that there are Educational Attorneys... .is that the right terminology?  Any experience with one?

lbj

[mggt]

My expierence was very different .  The teachers and staff were willing to help.  They all liked our d who was at the time 12 years old she always had issues in school homework wow.  We got the counselor at school involved and she helped alot she had a plan in school helped for some time but then she could not go to school and they sent a tutor to our house that lasted two years and then we sent her to a special school in which they paid for and for transportation my advise is to stay on them ask teachers to help and get the school counselor involved and bring any notes or pertinent papers from phys or therapist.  Always approach them with a smile but keep pushing we are in the the u.s. not sure where you are but the schools do have a special fund for special needs Good Luck and dont give up   Our dd is diagnosed as BPD

[livednlearned]

And if it comes down to it-refuse to sign to say you agree with what's been discussed and ask for a parent advocate to be with you, or your lawyer. Do not let them railroad you.

I wish I had had this advice. I don't think anyone bullied me, but I do think that so much paperwork comes your way, and in many of those meetings it was 7-8 people on one side of the table, then me. I felt intimidated. No one really explained how things work, so I had to try and learn online. I did feel defensive at times, but I'm not sure if I contributed to that or not -- I was feeling fearful because so much was happening at once. My son had jammed a pencil into the chest of another child in 4th grade  :'( and I knew what he was dealing with at home, and wanted so badly to protect him. The school kept saying "stabbed" and I felt we were on opposite sides just getting everyone to agree whether it was jamming or stabbing. That conversation alone took half an hour.

The schools don't really deal with social-emotional in terms of the testing and evaluation process, they seem to only have systems set up to deal with psycho-educational. But my son's struggles were clearly emotional. He could do the work, but the social frustrations, and the emotional responses -- that's what made it difficult for him to get through the day.

I ended up having a private evaluation done, and insurance paid for about 2/3 of it. That evaluation included social/emotional and it was worth it to have that extra bit of information. My son ended up seeing the psychologist who did the evaluation, and she offered to come to the meetings if I wanted her to. I'm not sure if that would've made a difference. In the end, S13 ended up with a 504 plan. It did feel to me that they try to water down special needs as much as possible because they don't want law suits, and the year prior, there had been a series of law suits against the school, all of based on not meeting the federal mandates of the IEPs for different students.

The 504 didn't make a big difference in elementary school because I had a good relationship with the teacher, and she was a wonderful, supportive and talented teacher who genuinely cared about S13. But in middle school, the one thing it helped me with was getting the guidance counselor involved with the teachers on a regular basis. S13 went through so much that year, and I had just divorced his dad. I clung onto the 504 a lot.

Just recently, they convened and told me they wanted to drop it.  :'(  I feel that the importance of the 504 is critical because it allows some small degree of frustration management that S13 really needs. He has a hard time writing with pencils, so it allows him to use a keyboard and computer to type everything, including tests. Last year, he got so frustrated during a test (the teacher said he had to use a pencil) that he ended up writing nothing.

I'm not sure whether to try and keep the 504 or not. The counselor kept telling me that only kids who struggle to make grade level need it.

[jdtm]

I

'm not sure whether to try and keep the 504 or not. The counselor kept telling me that only kids who struggle to make grade level need it.

My advice (for what it is worth) is to keep the 504 plan.  It costs more in time and money for the school district to deal with "special needs"students,  and that, probably, is what is driving the suggestion of the counselor to drop the 504 plan - time and money.  Besides, high school is not far away ... .

[qcarolr]

Each of our kids are unique -- DNA, prenatal experience, temperament, early childhood experiences... .Compare the services needed by different kids with caution. How the laws are applied can vary from state to state, district to district and from school to school. The attitude, experience and training of advocates impacts how they interact with the training, procedures and personalities of the school staff.

I have experienced the changes in this over time. My BPDDD28 was evaluated at the start of 1st grade and had extensive IEP services throughout her education. Her case was very complex and she did not fit the school district protocol very well. The training and options did not fit DD very well either. Often she was the only one of several kids in a program that did not make progress. The teachers were left scratching their heads.

My level of emotinal stability was hindered by a new dx of bipolar disorder when DD was about 3. It took about 10 years for meds. to come along that stabilized this -- and therapy that helped me get past my periods of denial. At 59 now, I am doing so much better in all my relationships.

Today, I am raising my gd9 and get to experience the special education services in a new way. I am in a much more stable place in my life. Gd9 does not have the same issues as her mom except the ADHD. Gd's anxiety/panic issues do respond to treatment and medications. Gd does not have the learning disabilities that are so disruptive for her mom. The attention issues are the primary concern and do impact her academic progress.

The evaluation process is so much more well-defined. The procedures and criteria, along with staff training, are so much better. Gd is in the same school that her mom attended, though the staff are different now. The school psychologist is the one that opened the discussions about gd' need for an IEP evaluation in 2nd grade. She had participated in a literacy program in 1st grade and made very little progress. There were also a lot of other issues with attention and social skills in the large group classroom.

Everyone in gd's school is really on her side. She has a pleasant personality and responds to the interventions. The reciprocal nature of these interactions keeps the staff connected in working toward gd's goals.

With DD28, who has a much more defiant personality, there was a lot of burn out in the staff over time. This only increased as she got into upper grades. This has continued into her adult life in the mental health and legal systems. The BPD, dx when DD was 23 as part of a family court case, may have been a factor all along. Acceptance of the past and working for the present moment -- that is where I am with DD now.

My suggestion is to keep what your s has now. Would they allow a gradual transition to less services to evaluate the impact on his success in the classroom? The social-emotional piece is important in continued success in the academics.

Let us know how things are going. Look forward to hearing back from you.

qcr

[Kate4queen]

I'm not sure whether to try and keep the 504 or not. The counselor kept telling me that only kids who struggle to make grade level need it.

Seriously, if you can keep it? I would. It really makes a difference during High School the most.

[livednlearned]

Thank you qcarolr, and I agree -- I notice that I am much more centered now when I deal with the school, feeling less fear and more command of the process helped me respond instead of react, and I do trust that there are people who care about S13, although I am still very assertive because the system is... .a system. I'm in a university town, and university towns are known for having a higher level of dx, either because there are more mental health issues, or because parents are more driven to intervene, who knows. So it does feel as though they want to talk me out of the 504 because it sucks up resources.

Seriously, if you can keep it? I would. It really makes a difference during High School the most.

The unexpected thing is that we just found out S13 got into a new charter school in the area. Smaller class sizes, smaller school, and I'm not sure if this is normal or not -- but there are 3 counselors for the whole high school of 300 students. And 3 special needs specialists -- all full time. Could it be that more special needs kids end up in these schools because the parents know that they are atypical? I dunno.

But a friend of mine who has a child with an IEP said it's important to hang onto the 504 for continuity. Go to the charter school (public) and keep it going so he can receive accommodations. She seems to think it's worth it.

The problem I'm having -- and this is regardless of whether S13 goes to a new school or not -- is how to handle these meetings?

Honestly, they are intimidating. And I have been through some intimidating times.

Have any of you challenged what the schools advised? It's not an easy process. S13's father is not in the picture, so it's me doing this alone. They would really like for me to just sign it and go away. 

[madmom]

I am a long time educator, and my advice would definitely be keep hold of the 504. It is very, very hard to get them back on one, after dismissal.

[Kate4queen]

I suggest you take someone with you either a parent advocate or a friend who can listen and ask the questions you need answered. You have a legal right to bring someone with you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[qcarolr]

I have used an advocate a few times with DD28 in middle school and high school. They need to be able to come across from a more neutral position on the side of the child. Often, my emotions get in the way in these meetings. I found a free advocate through a non-profit and she was better than the one I paid for. Maybe it was a personality thing -- the hired advocate was way too aggressive and seemed to set everyone off -- put them on the defensive.

It is so important to keep the focus of the meeting on the best interests of the child. School funding is not an issue during the evaluation process. Have the goals clear in your mind. Do they send you a draft of the agreement before the meeting? Gd9's school does this and it is so helpful. I can have her T look at the social-emotional issues being addressed and any behavioral issues (though gd tends to internalize so outward behavior is not a problem). I can write down my questions before the meeting. Go over with an advocate or another parent in similar situation before the meeting.

Keep us posted.

qcr