Child custody ongoing custody battle

[Ben20033]

This is my first post I am engaged to a wonderful women and have 2 boys that are 15 and 17. I divorced my BPD wife 5 years ago it was an epic divorce battle to say the least followed by a series of even more epic custody battles. I won full custody. she has filed some sorta family court action Between 3-6 months. there have been 4 full blown custody trials were I have won. now she has filed for yet a 5th custody hearing. It has been a literal nightmare for the children my fiancé and I. 

[Sunfl0wer]

I have been through one custody battle with my uBPDx and his uBPDxw.  Besides custody, she used the courts to harass us.  We began trying to get some collection of data to put against both her AND her lawyer to stop harassing action.  This kinda thing is not good between lawyers and our was hesitant to proceed.

Anyway, long story short... .  What I want to say to you... .

I am so terribly sorry!  This was one of the most awful experiences I've been through.  Just wanted to say sorry that you are going through this.  I'm sorry your kids and their step mom is going through this.  I really hope you can find some help here as I'm sure you will!

[rarsweet]

Ugh, it is pure hell when children are involved. You must have the patience of a saint by now? How are your boys doing through all this? At their ages, what is their feelings on everything? Can you share any details to what exactly the issues are, what she is trying to change?

[ForeverDad]

I'm assuming you have a capable lawyer?  What options has your lawyer given you?  If she's lost consistently then odds are the custody won't change, her credibility is low.  For another thing, courts often restrict how often a parent can seek a change in custody.  Some states require it must be a year apart, or two years, or to file 'Change of Circumstances' to determine whether there is even a reason to change custody.

She sounds like a 'vexatious litigant'.  Can you get a 'gatekeeping' order where a judge or other court official has to review her filings first before they can be allowed to proceed?

The good thing is that in less than 3 years it will be Over, the teens will be adults.

Besides the Borderline traits, do you see other traits such as Histrionic PD traits?

[livednlearned]

Hi Ben20033,

It's bittersweet to win custody as many times as you have, but to still be embroiled in the legal battles. Your ex sounds like a high-conflict personality with resources, and perhaps you live somewhere where they do not have safeguards to protect you from ongoing custody battles. How old are your kids?

My ex was a former trial attorney who represented himself, and even though I won all but one ruling, it broke me financially. My judge ordered what is called a gatekeeping order, which is a motion that the judge issues. It is nothing something you can ask for, apparently. All you can do is make the case that the litigant is being vexatious, or engaging in legal abuse, and hope that the judge is tired of seeing the two of you in court. It was supposed to stop N/BPDx from frivolous motions -- we had over 60 filings in 4 years. But a gatekeeping order is only as good as the clerk of court who catches the motions and enforces the gatekeeping. It also doesn't stop all motions because a court has to take seriously the right of citizens to use the court to resolve issues as a place of last resort.

One thing that finally helped me is that the judge ordered my ex to do three things before he could hope to get custody. They included substance abuse treatment, anger management, and a psychiatric evaluation. There is no way my ex will ever do those things. He was also supposed to get any motion approved by a family law board certified attorney. Did you have anything like that in any of your orders? This is something my L insisted on -- she wanted to make it so that N/BPDx had to scale a lot of "asks" in order to show his face in court. It was clear from his behavior that he was not ready to follow the court order and learn to be a better parent. Once he was given these conditions, he disappeared and I have not heard from him for months. A long time!

How are your kids doing? Do they still see their mom during regular visitation?