Things to do to safeguard before filing for divorce?

[Bloomer]

I have been separated from my dBPDh for almost 1 month. I moved out  and took all of the possessions that I want to keep, leaving him with all of the essential living items (bed, couches, tv, kitchen items, etc.) H is from a different country so he'll likely move back there if we aren't together.  Right now I'm on H's health insurance but I can get insurance through my work if I need to (it's just very crappy insurance). We previously shared a car but that is in my name and is in my possession currently. We share a savings account but that was divided equally the day I moved out, though both our names are on it, and I stopped depositing/withdrawing from that account. We have separate checking accounts.

I am leaning towards divorcing but I'd like to have all my ducks in a row before I take that step. I'd like to have a better idea of what things I should do to protect myself legally before I do this. I have spoken to a lawyer who said that since we don't have kids or a house together, I could probably file a no-contest in my situation. What things should I be considering or making sure I do prior to actually filing and telling H I am filing?

Thanks,

Bloomer

[ForeverDad]

Credit cards?  You're reasonably normal so if you're on his accounts as a cardholder then no big deal, you know how to behave properly.  But... .

If you are a credit account owner and he's a cardholder on your account, then you need to cancel his card to stop the risk of him charging on your account and increasing your debts.

If you have joint credit accounts then is is very important to suspend the account, pay it off and CLOSE the account.  There is a risk if he is co-owner then he could call them up and tell them to take it off suspension.  It would be nice if you could close it immediately but I've heard some companies won't close it until it is paid off.

Sounds like you don't have a spouse who behaves as poorly (control, denigration, abuse) as other members here have experienced?  If so, count your blessing that it isn't worse.  Even so, be aware that obstacles can arise in a flash, unwind the marriage carefully.

[Grey Kitty]

Talk to a lawyer before you say anything to your husband... .Ask the lawyer the same question.

Another question for the lawyer... .what about your H leaving the country?

How would a divorce go if he stayed here 'till it was final?

What would happen if he left the country at various stages during the process?

How would a divorce go if he was already in another country?

[livednlearned]

Hi Bloomer,

It's hard to make the decision to end the marriage, but it sounds like you are ready to take care of yourself. Whatever you decide to do, that's an important move to make.    I hope you're getting support, either from friends and family, or from people here, or both.

Like GK mentioned, it's good to talk to an L to make sure you understand how things work where you live. You can pay for an hour-long consultation and learn quite a lot. You don't have to retain the L. You might want to ask about financial obligations if your ex racks up any credit card debt after you leave. If you have any joint credit cards, especially if there is no debt on them, take his name off or close them.

Since you do not have kids, you avoid the most difficult part of a divorce, especially in terms of the legal process. But there is still potential for a lot of obstructing and stonewalling, and that can be very draining at a time when you emotionally want to be done. Think through any parts of the divorce in which you need him to comply. Think through ways in which he could ruin your credit, or smear you publicly, or do anything to harm you, and try to problem-solve in advance. That might include things like telling HR where you work to inform you if your ex contacts your employer for any reason. Or like FD said, closing the bank accounts.

Is it as simple as just having him sign the papers? Then find out what happens if one party does not appear in court, or does not sign the papers. In my court, I believe the divorce will be granted even if the other party does not cooperate. It just means going to court, swearing on the Bible, answering questions about your age, where you live, length of the marriage, and then the judge grants your divorce. Ta-dah.

But if you need to get your name legally off the lease, or divvy up assets, things that require compliance, you may need to get a bit more creative. It helps to have some leverage, so try to not "gift" away too much in case you need that to get him to comply.

[Bloomer]

Thanks for the responses everyone.

We don't have any joint credit accounts. He was an authorized user on one account but not any more. We still have a joint savings but I ceased my automatic deposits and opened my own savings. That's just a matter of signing a form to get my name off or close.

I am going to call an L tomorrow or Friday and ask some questions about what is required. Since we have nothing to "divvy up" I believe it is actually as simple as signing papers and mailing them in. Unless he won't sign. I'm going to find out worst case scenario if he leaves the country. I think it will just make it more expensive and difficult. I'm hoping he doesn't go that route, but you never know. Right now my plan is to get all my T's crossed and maybe even get the papers filled out, then break the news to him during a couples session with his T, hopefully in a few weeks or so. Not sure if it can be done that quickly but based on my first phone conversation with a lawyer pre-separation, I think it just might be.

I'll post again after talking to the lawyer.

Thanks,

B