Need financial advice (BPD related)

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I will ask here because I am sure many people here have dealt with the same dilemma because of BPD.

My wife came into the marriage with 100k in student loan debt.  shocked  I knew this going in, and I knew the moment we got married the government would make her start repaying it.  And that is just what happened.  They look at our combined income and say she must start paying now.

And it is a huge amount per month.  Believe it or not, previous men would not commit to her because of her huge debt.  The debt exists because of her irresponsible behavior, so there is tremendous shame in her emotions right now.  The financial burden right now is something I can't afford, she is not mentally capable of holding a job, and that means I need additional income or some way around paying this debt.

Any advice here on getting a student loan debt managed in such a way it is not crippling?

[maxsterling]

I will ask here because I am sure many people here have dealt with the same dilemma because of BPD.

My wife came into the marriage with 100k in student loan debt.  shocked  I knew this going in, and I knew the moment we got married the government would make her start repaying it.  And that is just what happened.  They look at our combined income and say she must start paying now.

And it is a huge amount per month.  Believe it or not, previous men would not commit to her because of her huge debt.  The debt exists because of her irresponsible behavior, so there is tremendous shame in her emotions right now.  The financial burden right now is something I can't afford, she is not mentally capable of holding a job, and that means I need additional income or some way around paying this debt.

Any advice here on getting a student loan debt managed in such a way it is not crippling?

[livednlearned]

Hi maxsterling,

That is a lot of debt, and it sounds like she is feeling a lot of shame about how she racked up so much.

By managing the student loan debt, do you mean trying to have some of it forgiven? When you say she is not mentally stable enough to hold a job, do you mean that she has been diagnosed and is now in counseling or treatment to try and cope with the disorder?

Do you have safeguards in place to make sure she doesn't apply the same spending habits to joint credit cards? I'm sorry to jump to that -- you weren't specifically asking about how to manage her, and I assumed that these two were related. It would make it hard to handle the student loan debt if there was another debt ball growing.

[Panda39]

Hi Max,

Have you talked with the student loan provider?  See if you can negotiate the payment down? My ex lost his job and then got a new job that paid much less.  He talked with the loan provider and was able to suspend payments because his income was so low.  He was eventually able to get a better job and now is back to making payments.

Also if she has more than one loan you may be able to consolidate them into one to get the payment down some... .my ex did that several years ago.

Good Luck