BPDs who remain monogamous

[Loosestrife]

Has anyone had experience of being in a relationship with a BPDso who is monogamous?

A lot of BPDs seem to be unfaithful, but my SO is not as far as I am aware. I think this is what keeps me in the relationship... .

[no_ordinary]

mine was hyper unfaithful... .

[Sunfl0wer]

I know of three.

[Loosestrife]

I know of three.

Eek, that's not many!

[Sunfl0wer]

I know of three.

Eek, that's not many!

Lol! Well, that is the three BPD people I have known.  So 3/3 pretty good.  Actually, my mom was BPD, never cheated, so you can make that 4/4... .however, she likely never had much sex with her husband either.

[Infern0]

My mother is BPD she never cheated on dad. I think dad is a sociopath though so he had her pretty well "contained"

[Fraggle12]

As far as I know my BPDh has in body but not in mind. He frequently visits porn sites, which I hate and he knows I do. Last year he had a sex chat line on his phone bill. And on many occasions, and only this week, I found him sexting other women on FB messenger. He always uses the same excuses and it comes down to me not giving him what he wants at that moment in time... same old same old!

[mrwigand]

I never encountered anything to make me believe my BPDexgf was unfaithful romantically. She seemed to take monagamy seriously. That being said, throughout the entirety of our relationship she maintained a dysfunctional, emotionally intimate relationship with an ex boyfriend that constantly interfered with our relationship (by design - I was being pitted against him). I assume you could call that an emotional affair. Whatever it was, it felt hurtful to me.

[JRT]

During our r/s, I am sure that my ex never cheated on me at all. I am not sure that that was the case toward the very end, the last week or so there were some suspicious things that went down. but not a direct indication.

[Nisran881]

Mine. Was between men for 3 years twice the make up reunions. Addicted to attention.  Felt shame and confessed. 

[Loosestrife]

Thanks for the replies, it seems the faithful BPDs are few in numbers.

[Maternus]

My ex told me, that she never cheated on me, even at the end of our relationship, when she broke up with me because she fell in love so deeply with a married man three weeks before the breakup. He had a wife, two children, a homestead, a social life in his village - and he gave all this away for a woman he never had sex with? I was in his situation once and I know, how quickly she demands sex.

[mallard3868]

... .as far as I know mine has, at least in body, been faithful? I truly believe that if this is really true, it is because she is so ashamed of being a black out drunk alcoholic. Unfortunately not because she has any respect for me. I don't know why I actually think our relationship would be any different than all the rest... .? She has cheated on all of them.

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

My uBPDw has been faithful.  She's very religious (which with her black/white thinking introduces lots of fun issues itself... .)

[Vatz]

Mine was unfaithful. Both physically and emotionally. But I suspect it had nothing to do with her BPD. But that could again be the distorted thinking and internalizing that I've been told I do so much of.

Anyway, from what I hear most are unfaithful. Those that don't cheat tend to be abusive enough that it warrants leaving either way.

I used to say to myself "well, she hasn't cheated on me. So even though things are bad-that's one line she hasn't crossed." First it was one thing, then an emotional affair, then so on and so forth and every time I would tell myself "if she does it again, I'm out." But I never got out.

Anyway, yeah even before she cheated it was... .Hard. Faithful or not, quality of relationship matters.

[Loosestrife]

Mine was unfaithful. Both physically and emotionally. But I suspect it had nothing to do with her BPD. But that could again be the distorted thinking and internalizing that I've been told I do so much of.

Anyway, from what I hear most are unfaithful. Those that don't cheat tend to be abusive enough that it warrants leaving either way.

I used to say to myself "well, she hasn't cheated on me. So even though things are bad-that's one line she hasn't crossed." First it was one thing, then an emotional affair, then so on and so forth and every time I would tell myself "if she does it again, I'm out." But I never got out.

Anyway, yeah even before she cheated it was... .Hard. Faithful or not, quality of relationship matters.

Hi vatz, how did your SO cheat on you emotionally? Sorry this happened to you

[ogopogodude]

mine was hyper unfaithful... .

interesting, ... .mine is the total opposite. Very faithful.  Still is actually.  She will not move on.  She has an addiction to me.

[JRT]

mine was hyper unfaithful... .

interesting, ... .mine is the total opposite. Very faithful.  Still is actually.  She will not move on.  She has an addiction to me.

Sorry to hijack... .this is interesting... .can you share more about your situation Ogo?

[Vatz]

Mine was unfaithful. Both physically and emotionally. But I suspect it had nothing to do with her BPD. But that could again be the distorted thinking and internalizing that I've been told I do so much of.

Anyway, from what I hear most are unfaithful. Those that don't cheat tend to be abusive enough that it warrants leaving either way.

I used to say to myself "well, she hasn't cheated on me. So even though things are bad-that's one line she hasn't crossed." First it was one thing, then an emotional affair, then so on and so forth and every time I would tell myself "if she does it again, I'm out." But I never got out.

Anyway, yeah even before she cheated it was... .Hard. Faithful or not, quality of relationship matters.

Hi vatz, how did your SO cheat on you emotionally? Sorry this happened to you

First that she copped to was that she gave a guy a h-job at a convention. I forgave that bit but she kept texting the guy. It was creepy and weird on both their ends.

Not to mention how we were supposed to be doing something together but shed be texting these people. It cut into our time together. It hurt. I felt very rejected. Also I'm pretty sure occasionally she would say stuff like "well he doesn't see anything wrong with it" or "they're giving me emotional support that you aren't." Stuff like that.

[Loosestrife]

Thanks vatz, sorry again you had to endure this.

[ogopogodude]

mine was hyper unfaithful... .

interesting, ... . mine is the total opposite. Very faithful.  Still is actually.  She will not move on.  She has an addiction to me.

Sorry to hijack... . this is interesting... . can you share more about your situation Ogo?

Well, ... . there as many different kinds of BPD as there are types of hair,  some are high functioning, some are low functioning, some are totally socially inept while others are social butterflies, some are reckless (many sexual partners, and promiscuous, while others are strictly monogamous, some are major rage'er's/ temper tantrum nut-bars and others are very quiet and  subdued, some do 'cutting', others are not and so on.

My (ex)wife tries so very hard to be in control and overtake me in  conversation and abusing me verbally, and so on. But she is soo very monogamous.  She would not even think of being with another man.

She has chosen her target in life and that target is me (and our kids).  She has tried to target friends and family and they all shut her down after they realize that she is nuts.  

My ex is monogamous mainly because she is simply afraid of intimacy with any other person than me.  But her definition of intimacy is certainly different than mine.

[momtara]

Mine was hyper monogamous. He had anxieties and would never take a chance on someone else having a disease, etc. Probably part of my attraction to him. I'm pretty shy. He was not into porn and such. My problem was his verbal abuse of me, not addictions. Actually, he probably had other issues besides BPD - bipolar and OCD too. He is pretty high functioning and holds a job and comes off normal if you first meet him.

[Thread]

Mine never would never has... . he grew up very religious so I don't think he ever would because if he did it would further the judgement he feels from his family or disappointment

[Hippercampus]

Unfaithful... . and likely still is but likes to play games hiding it or I am overly suspicious

[felix22]

How would one really know? Keeping a constant watch on them? "If a liar lies, are they lying?" My BPDex has lied before about the obvious, and occasionally leaked out luminous details that just didn't add up. I have trust issues, so I have a hard time differentiating the info/facts. Still, if they've lied before, about blatantly obvious things, why wouldn't they again? My T says that a good way to tell if somebody is trustworthy, is whether they have integrity in general. But, I still think, really, if monogamy is an issue... .it's more about lying. And, why would anyone be with a BPD, if they couldn't handle them sleeping with someone else?

[daz_bpd]

We were faithful. But then she never let me out of her sight for more than a few hours. And she often called me at work wondering when I am coming home. We were hardly ever apart.

I had set a frame right in the beginning where she would never see me again if she was with someone else. Even though she crossed all the boundaries, that one seemed to stick. I know she really battled after cheating on her ex, and possibly was trying to avoid all the heartache from a previous relationship. Many times she mentioned to me how she carried guilt and remorse for cheating on her last partner, in fact she often blames me for not being with him to this day. That she regrets choosing me and not trying to work it out with her ex.

[tortuga]

hyper unfaithful.