I need help with this relationship

[fireflies]

I recently discovered that my girlfriend has BPD. We've been together for less than 3 months and it has been a tumultuous journey so far. Many words have been said and we've both been hurt several times.

I feel as if I am triggering her most of the time and it would be better if I left but I don't know how. I've tried ending it before, as she did but I kept coming back into the relationship and I don't know why. I am planning to end the relationship because it would be better for her but I don't know how without her hurting herself physically.

Please help.

[Bassoutcast]

Hi, welcome to the board.

I realize this is a hard time for you, I've been there, I know how much it hurts  

I see that you care about her, going as far as to sacrificing your relationship with her to stop triggering her. pwBPD fear abandonment, and in case she's harmed herself physically before I believe you fear it may happen again.

We cannot change how others feel, but we can change ourselves. If you want this relationship to work, you'll have to focus on yourself and educate yourself (there are lessons on the right side of the website, I found them very helpful). If you feel something about you is triggering her, work on that. set boundaries. either way, you want to address this situation carefully, you can't predict a person's behavior, let alone someone with BPD.

Good luck.

[Lucky Jim]

it would be better if I left but I don't know how. I've tried ending it before, as she did but I kept coming back into the relationship and I don't know why.

Hey fireflies, I suggest you explore what it is that keeps you coming back for more, even though on some level it appears that you already recognize that the r/s is unhealthy for you and/or your SO.  Presumably you are getting something out of it that keeps you in it.  Your job is to figure out what that "something" is that makes you an emotional captive.  You say you "don't know why" and I expect that's true.  Now is the time to find out, perhaps with the help of a T.

LuckyJim

[EaglesJuju]

Hi fireflies,  



I am sorry that you are going through this. It can be a tumultuous journey when we are coping with erratic and confusing behaviors.  I understand how you could feel that both of you can feel that you have hurt each other.  

I understand that you could feel that you are triggering your person with BPD (pwBPD) often. Sometimes even innocuous things can trigger a pwBPD. In the past, I used to be overly cautious to not trigger my bf. I would feel guilty if I ended up triggering him.  Learning about BPD really helped me from not feeling guilty for triggering my bf. I learned that his behavior is not my fault. 

What types of things trigger her? Why do you feel as if you are always triggering her?

Looking forward to your response.