One month after rehab

[Parents! Get help here!]

Well I am sorry to report that after my dd return home from Menninger and Hazenden Betty ford clinics she is still strugging and this week we have seen a return of some behavior that is destructive and worrisome.

Monday- At our Family counseling meeting we learned she had once again been sneaking out at night. I also found vyvance in her room and she is not suppose to be taking it right now which means she stole it.

Tuesday - She had senior photos and was pretty stressed about it. She thinks she looks fat and was just a wreck leading up to the shoot. She did calm down once there and the session went well. That night I asked for her phone (she is not allow to have her phone in her room at night) and she became extremely upset. We were calm and used SET and tried to disfuse but she became more and more upset. That night she ran away and we needed to call the police. They found her and we went to pick her and brought her home.

Wednesday- Driving to group therapy she began talking about the following night and stated she really didn't know why she had become so upset but the more she talked the more upset she became again with all the restrictions we have in our home. These restrictions are locking up meds and I also lock my bedroom door because she had taken an old cell phone from me to use at night and I had found it in her room. I had also found vyvance in her room and that is how I found out she had been sneaking them.

Anyway she got more and more upset and once again could not calm down. She decided she didn't want to go to group. I told her that was fine she could wait in the car while we attended. This didn't make her happy and opened the car door on a busy highway and was threatening to jump out. My husband pulled over and she got out and started walking. We called her counselor and he advised to come to meeting and let her walk but my H was worried she would get picked up or hit by a car so he walk to see if he could spot her. She was already heading to the car and she got in and we headed to the meeting late. She did not participate.

Thursday - would not get out of bed for school. Still in bed now. She is at risk of not graduating because of the time missed from school.

So I really am looking for some insight. I am pretty exhausted and I don't know what to do. Thanks in advance for your input.

[jellibeans]

Well I am sorry to report that after my dd return home from Menninger and Hazenden Betty ford clinics she is still strugging and this week we have seen a return of some behavior that is destructive and worrisome.

Monday- At our Family counseling meeting we learned she had once again been sneaking out at night. I also found vyvance in her room and she is not suppose to be taking it right now which means she stole it.

Tuesday - She had senior photos and was pretty stressed about it. She thinks she looks fat and was just a wreck leading up to the shoot. She did calm down once there and the session went well. That night I asked for her phone (she is not allow to have her phone in her room at night) and she became extremely upset. We were calm and used SET and tried to disfuse but she became more and more upset. That night she ran away and we needed to call the police. They found her and we went to pick her and brought her home.

Wednesday- Driving to group therapy she began talking about the following night and stated she really didn't know why she had become so upset but the more she talked the more upset she became again with all the restrictions we have in our home. These restrictions are locking up meds and I also lock my bedroom door because she had taken an old cell phone from me to use at night and I had found it in her room. I had also found vyvance in her room and that is how I found out she had been sneaking them.

Anyway she got more and more upset and once again could not calm down. She decided she didn't want to go to group. I told her that was fine she could wait in the car while we attended. This didn't make her happy and opened the car door on a busy highway and was threatening to jump out. My husband pulled over and she got out and started walking. We called her counselor and he advised to come to meeting and let her walk but my H was worried she would get picked up or hit by a car so he walk to see if he could spot her. She was already heading to the car and she got in and we headed to the meeting late. She did not participate.

Thursday - would not get out of bed for school. Still in bed now. She is at risk of not graduating because of the time missed from school.

So I really am looking for some insight. I am pretty exhausted and I don't know what to do. Thanks in advance for your input.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[tristesse]

Hi Jelliebeans

I am terribly sorry that your dd is acting out again. I understand how hard it is and know the pain of the struggle. My advice to you, do not give up hope, and do not give in to your dd. Try not to respond or react when she becomes irrational.

SET doesn't always work when I try it either, but I still make the effort. I believe you are on the right track  where dd is concered, and things will begin to get better

[jdtm]

She is at risk of not graduating because of the time missed from school.

Health first, then education.  Our uBPD also did not graduate "on time"; sometimes, our children require an extra semester or year.  And, I am saying this not as a parent but as an educator.

[lever.]

I agree with health first then education.

It is always possible to make up education later.

All I can say is that I recognize some of these behaviors from when my daughter was that age-jumping out of car on busy roads etc. and that by the time she hit mid 20s it had stopped (I don't really know how) -so do hang in there.

I know it is very exhausting and disappointing after the time spent in rehab.

You are doing all you can with a mixture of limits and validation.

[jellibeans]

Well last night she refused to go to her drug group. Was too tired and in bed. It had been a long week of dealing with dd and my H and I went out for dinner nearby. Gone just over an hour. Upon our return we found out dd smoking in the garage. She quick ran when we pulled in. Inside she had pried open every cabinet and closet we had locked. Found some liquid sleep medicine and drank half the bottle. Also found some spray adhesive and huffed that. Called the police and took her to ER to see what else might be in her system. After many hours we talked with the social worker who was sending us on our merry way. I had asked for her to be sent to rehab/mental health hospital and specialized with dual DX but he explained she relapsed and that I should take her home and start again. I was pretty disaapointed.

So before we left we had dd agree to some changes... .going to a therapist which she refused to do when she got back from Hazelden because her old T disowned her. Then she is to attend Thursday girls only group which was optional but now would be mandatory. We would look at changing to a sober high school where the stress was less and there were protection from drugs.

Monday we are hoping to talk with her drug counselor and high school to work out a plan going forward. This week was so exhausting. I could sleep a 100 years and still be tired. Any suggestion would be great. I know everyone keeps posting school is not important and I agree... .not sure where everyone is getting that I am freaking out over school because I am not... .but legally she has to attend or I will be held accountable by law so we need to find some kind of solution. She still needs structure to her day and some kind of plan going forward.

[.cup.car]

*Snipped for length*

I think the biggest advice I can give you is to be assertive with any professional you come across when developing a plan for your daughter. A common mistake I've seen many parents make (including my own) is that they're too politically correct when describing their kid's behavior. Short, assertive, and to the point is how you have to speak with professionals.

[livednlearned]

Jellibeans,

I'm sorry you're getting the runaround and struggling to keep your D in school. Does she have an IEP plan? I'm sorry for not knowing the details of your story and what she does/doesn't have in terms of legal accommodations. There is a good resource here on bpdfamily that might help (if you're new to IEPs): https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273076.msg12586288#msg12586288

I don't know much about how rehab works, tho I was reading something really interesting about the lack of evidence about AA support-style meetings to deal with substance abuse. The U.S. has been slow to prescribe a medication for alcoholism that has been empirically tested, it's used in other countries but AA is so dominant here, and the treatment clinics are successful using that model that there isn't much impetus for change. My ex is uBPD and an alcoholic, so I read this with great interest. I'm not sure about the efficacy of the drug on people with PDs. I don't think there are many studies there.

www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2015/03/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

[jellibeans]

thank you livednlearned for the reading material. I will look into it.

We withdrew dd from school today and she has enough credits to graduate early. She will walk with her class in May. In the meantime we will be meeting with her counselor for her rehab group and talk about a plan going forward. Not sure what the future holds for her. I hope this is a start to something good.

[mggt]

Dear jelli, Great news about your dd graduating one less thing for you to worry about