Will blocking make it better or worse

[jhkbuzz]

the friends of the mutual friend... .no problem keeping them. Its the mutual friend himself, that guy that acted as a go between and sometimes outright lied about things (or did stuff to p*ss ex off and attributed it to me, showed facebook conversations to him ect ) he insists he still wants to be friends regardless of what ex thinks. They still talk however. Ex will always think im satan if hes around (and mutual friend kinda serves as that reminder). dunno. should i refriend mutual friend then just ignore him? no clue anymore

Again, it is all about what YOU need for your own peace of mind.  If this mutual "friend" lied and created drama, then the lies and drama will continue. Consider whether or not you want to keep a "friend" with such clear character flaws, and who triggers you badly, and act accordingly.  Block if it's what YOU need.

[jhkbuzz]

By the way, BB, it's heartbreaking for me to read your posts because they remind me so much of my own mental state after the breakup.  My ex left me as well - and went no contact without warning.  I only sent a few texts after that point but received no reply. I was constantly triggered, I didn't have a clear thought, I was COMPLETELY focused on my ex (to the point that I couldn't even IDENTIFY what I needed), and was in constant pain.

I am 8 months post b/u (8 year relationship) - and when I look back at that time I can't believe what a mess I was - how I let someone with clear mental health issues drive the r/s; how I became completely disconnected from my own needs; and how the chaos lead to anxiety like I have never experienced before in my LIFE.

The answer, although you won't want to hear it, is to go no contact and begin to  do two things:  make peace with the fact that you fell in love with someone who has BPD or (at the very least mental health issues) and that the "good" and "bad" parts are truly who he is - he is ALL of it - and the "bad" will always be present without therapeutic intervention. The second thing is to begin to look inward to discover why you so desperately want to remain with a partner who not only fails to meet your needs, but is actually abusive.  Discovering why you are clinging to a r/s that produces great anxiety and chaos within you is your next task.  Many of us have discovered that this pattern within US repeats something from childhood - and it's a pattern that can be broken if we do the work on ourselves.

I am doing that work with a therapist - it is tremendously helpful.

[JRT]

JRT:how do you kniw she is stalking your page? [/quote]
She is THE type to do this just by nature of her personality, our relationship, BPD and how she ended the r/s. Regardless; I created a ruse to see if she would respond a couple of months ago. Sure as shooting she did but through a friend of hers (so that she could save face, there has been no communication to me by her at all otherwise).

[dagwoodbowser]

Hey beachbabe. Hope overall you're having a great weekend. Mine is just another boring weekend on my own but I'm on day 37 N/C and while a little bummed I can honestly say I am at least able to better manage my emotions now, that wasn't case 20 days ago. As I spend more time here learning, observing and reading various insights and opinions you start to learn each characters anonymous nickname's story, you can tell if they're having a good day or not so good as well who the rookies are and the experienced sages.

Anyway, I've read several of your posts and I really do understand what you're going through. If you're familiar with my posts, I'm doing this again after multiple recycles and while I cant predict the future I pray daily that I wont have to. One thing that I really feel will make the difference for me this time around is this place. BPD Family. I always thought my situation was unique, that no one would ever believe what I've been through or my xBPD's actions and behaviors. To my amazement, so many of the stories are eerily similar as well as the behaviors. So in a way it's a comfort, but it also saddens me because even though I've been through all I have I still love and miss my X but as the reality of all the facts and mounting evidence keeps growing I know that I will not survive another R/s, my x will not get better, I am a trigger to her and none of her behaviors will ever change especially since she is getting Zero help and refuses it or makes excuses. So, based on advice I've seen here I have chosen to completely Block my XBPD in all areas. I cant allow her back in. It's not a game, there's no end plan other than N/C for my own well being. You can definatley go back and give it another try or put yourself in his orbit to make something happen if you feel that conflicted too.

[Beach_Babe]

I created a ruse to see if she would respond a couple of months ago. Sure as shooting she did but through a friend of hers (so that she could save face, there has been no communication to me by her at all otherwise).

Do you believe the mutual friend? See this is the problem with mine. I dont know what to believe.

Dunder: How are you doing?

dagwood: Im doing ok, thanks for asking. I am on day 13 no contact and am still sad, but at least the nightmares have lessened. How are you?

[ReclaimingMyLife]

I am on day 13 no contact and am still sad, but at least the nightmares have lessened.  [/quote]
Beach_Babe, congrats on day 13 and glad the nightmares have lessened.  Directionally correct, indeed!

[JRT]

It gets easier I promise you guys... .just make sure you work to keep yourself distracted as much as you possibly can.

[dagwoodbowser]

dagwood: Im doing ok, thanks for asking. I am on day 13 no contact and am still sad, but at least the nightmares have lessened. How are you?

Doing well actually. Weekend was kinda lame, but I didnt wallow. Tuesday will be day 40 for me and I'm noticing far better control of the heavy emotions. Everyday that passes is one day more that I didnt take that hit from the toxic drug of crazed, mixed emotions of lust, passions, anger and rage. Hello everyone, my name is dagwood and I  am addicted to a dysfunctional person that has BPD. I can not trust myself or my emotions around her because she knows how to manipulate me and trigger me and in a very twisted, masochistic way I enjoy it so I can not talk to her, communicate with her let alone see her.

[Beach_Babe]

Hello dagwood, my name is BeachBabe. I am codependent and addicted to drama and pain. That is why I chose to stay in a relationship someone mentally unstable called BPD.

[DyingLove]

Some of us do NOT have strength right now to stay n/c or to refrain from acting on our feelings.  If we don't have strength, we have to do something.  If a bolt is too tight and we can't loosen it, we may need leverage or some liquid wrench, and blocking, in your case, is that leverage.  You have to KNOW in your mind that it IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.  If you had to use an extension to your wrench or liquid wrench, would you be upset?  No... .you'd be happy in the long run that you were able to remove the bolt!  :-)

I know, it's easier said than done... .I know I should block everyone that had anything to do with her... .I still check emails, texts, fb to see if someone wrote anything that might resemble HER reaching out... .or maybe a friending from her.  Damn!  I don't know what I would do if she tried friending me!  Probably will never happen... .see there I go again... .wondering- WHAT IF!   I hate this.

[Dunder]

I created a ruse to see if she would respond a couple of months ago. Sure as shooting she did but through a friend of hers (so that she could save face, there has been no communication to me by her at all otherwise).

Do you believe the mutual friend? See this is the problem with mine. I dont know what to believe.

Dunder: How are you doing?

dagwood: Im doing ok, thanks for asking. I am on day 13 no contact and am still sad, but at least the nightmares have lessened. How are you?

Beach Babe, I'm up to Day 20 of NC as of today. I'm doing better. The key for me has been no looking at FB, Instagram, old email, photos, nothin'.  I keep hiding things I find that remind me of her. I think I'm lucky because my relationship was mostly long distance, relatively short-lived (8 months), and never got sexual, but even still, the emotional grip that I fell under was overwhelming, I never thought anyone could affect me like that, like a BPD magic spell, incredibly hard to break but it's lifting ever so slowly. I have immense respect for the courage that you and others on this board have shown in dealing with much longer and more significant relationships than mine, and still my little infatuation has been really hard to recover from. But we all will!

[Beach_Babe]

DyingLove: I can understand where you are coming from. In your situation there were also children involved, so that must be  hard. How are you doing today?

Dunder: Your relationship may have been short lived but that does not make it any less significant. I can tell she was very important to you. How exactly did things end?