interrogatories

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well I just got interrogatories from exes lawyer. Pretty simple. My job and address history for 2 years, I've been at my job for 4 years and rent the apartment above my work. State any overnights child has spent with anyone else, none while in my care. State the criminal record of anyone I live with, no one lives with me. Provide pay stubs. State whether I have been the subject of a dcyf investigation, nope. State whether there is smoking in the home, nope. State childcare plans, my mom is a license exempt provider. List all witnesses I will call to trial and provide all copies of communication between ex and myself. Guess its time his lawyer will get to see exactly how he " communicates" with me. And provide copies of all exhibits I will use at trial. That's it.

[rarsweet]

Well I just got interrogatories from exes lawyer. Pretty simple. My job and address history for 2 years, I've been at my job for 4 years and rent the apartment above my work. State any overnights child has spent with anyone else, none while in my care. State the criminal record of anyone I live with, no one lives with me. Provide pay stubs. State whether I have been the subject of a dcyf investigation, nope. State whether there is smoking in the home, nope. State childcare plans, my mom is a license exempt provider. List all witnesses I will call to trial and provide all copies of communication between ex and myself. Guess its time his lawyer will get to see exactly how he " communicates" with me. And provide copies of all exhibits I will use at trial. That's it.

[ogopogodude]

Hmmmm, I find it interesting that in the USA they call it interrogatories (as in to "interrogate" an individual to obtain data/information).  

Here in Canada, we are much more politically correct and this event of the opposing Lawyer getting info for the upcoming Trial is more aptly called ":)iscovery".

If it ever gets to this point of ":)iscovery" (as I am wanting to go to Trial, actually, if my ex does not settle properly ... . meaning she has to, hmmmm, God Forbid agree to something) ... . I am certainly going to keep on bringing up to the opposing L this subject:

"Would you like to see the awful behaviour of your client here on this here USB memory stick during her temper tantrums and uncontrollable rages that SOO scares the kids as well as adults alike? I realize that this is a no-fault province and one can divorce another for NO reason at all, but your client's behaviour is actually ABUSIVE to the children and this will be brought up by me during the Trial process because this is a SAFETY issue as well as an CHILD ABUSE issue, ... . Oh, ... . and here is another photograph of her car that is rolled over just recently due to her driving and driving issue... . thank GOD the kids were not in the car, ... . do you WANT this photograph of the car on its side?, ... . Oh, ... . and here is another pic of this  and of that, ... . and an audio clip of another tantrum,... . interesting, eh Mr. L... .?  Her colourful language sure scares the h** out of a person hearing and seeing these videos ... . yes? Perhaps we should skip this discovery process and perhaps suggest to your troubled client that she may want to consider 'settling' this out of court,... . oh, ... . and Mr. L, ... . what price tag would YOU put on a kid's childhood being taken away from them ... . ? Times TWO, of course, ... . as we have two kids whose childhood was literally taken away from them by YOUR client, ... . which I will be certain to bring this up in the upcoming court process... . I am pretty sure the judge will be interested in the wonderful stay that you client had at the drug and alcohol rehab clinic last year that turned out to be, ... . .well, ... . useless in the outcome, ... .  I believe in the law world, ... . they call all of this leverage, ... . yes... .?"


I will repeat the above over and over again, ... . because I KNOW that the opposing lawyer will not want to see/hear any damaging evidence of his client. He is actually BPD afflicted as well (I can tell a BPD person a mile away now).    

[livednlearned]

In the U.S. an interrogatory is just a version of discovery.

Another type of discovery is the deposition.

rarsweet, what do you mean about "Guess its time his lawyer will get to see exactly how he "communicates" with me"? Usually this is not part of the interrogatory, but maybe your case is different.

[ogopogodude]

Another purpose of Discovery, according to my L, is for the opposing L to assess & evaluate the temperament of the plaintiff or defendent (i.e. the opposing Lawyer's client).  Yes, ... . it is an information gathering event but it is more importantly an event so a L can see what he/she is up against in the up & coming court room session.

A lawyer likes to win. It is a feather in their cap.  A Lawyer HATES losing and most of all hates looking BAD in front of a judge.  When they have a client that is a buffoon, then it is just about getting things done and over with and most likely to settle out of court.

Discovery is also to forecast to see how I will handle myself in stressful situations.  This is actually what I am looking forward to in Trial. I am a people person as I deal with people every day and there is always 10% that are lunatics.

I am EXCELLENT in handling people as I do this on a day to day basis, ... . and I take no BS from anybody, and I do this is a nice but firm manner. I am quite eloquent in answering Q's posed to me, as well as being able to twist what is being asked of me and being able to direct the line of questioning back to who the "real" guilty party is... .

In other words, ... . I am an opposing lawyer's nightmare. In contrast, my ex would just melt in terms of her demeanour and would need break after in as little as 5 minutes of questioning. This  happened in our JCC (in Canada they call a mandatory "mediation" family court session BEFORE a Trial date can even be contemplated a JCC or Judicial case  conference (which really is a joke when there is a BPD spouse in a divorce because they never can agree to anything). Anything that is agreed upon by both sides in a JCC is actually a binding court room legal agreement.

Every divorce in the province of BC must have at least ONE attempted JCC. My wife came to the JCC in a drunken state and the judge did not like it one bit.

[rarsweet]

His l is asking me to hand over copies of all email, text, video, etc, any communications between us. So now she will get to see how it really is.

[rarsweet]

Like him responding to an email with a 25 sentence rant, telling me I am manipulative, aggressive, abusive, ignorant, threatening, harrasing, etc when I send a one sentence email. How he refused yo communicate at all for 2 months straight, wouldn't answer a single email. How he said there were no benefits to breastfeeding except a bond and I was manipulating it. How he said at least his formula didn't have everything he ate in it. Writing in caps READ THE ORDER!  He said daughter didn't need a dentist appointment until she was 4, and I should stop reading the " oh so called internet" when I sent him a link from the AAP and AAPD about their recommendations. He told me I was just trying to outparent him when I asked him to go to infant developmental screening and refused to go. Almost every communication is a bunch of gibberish that doesn't make much sense like " when you say the good things you do with daughter you are thinking of yourself, when you should think of what's best for everyone as I do when I say great thongs I do" that is word for word.

[ogopogodude]

His l is asking me to hand over copies of all email, text, video, etc, any communications between us. So now she will get to see how it really is.

In Canada, a discovery/interrogatory session, I am not quite sure of the process but from what I understand during the session, I have to be peppered with Q's by my wife's Lawyer and to submit evidence to him.  I am actually looking forward to this event. My wife will dread her session with my Lawyer.

(I have a close friend, that used to be an employee of mine, that went thru this all and she tells me how things go down as she is now over her divorce and she guides in what to expect. This friend also told me that my wife's lawyer is going to be "flabbergasted" at my evidence that I have in my possession).

And also, from what I understand, my lawyer gets to sit with me but not guide the session at all. The opposing Lawyer controls the session and its direction of obtaining data.  I am going to be very respectful to this opposing Lawyer during his questioning as well as him wanting data (collection of videos, audios, pictures and so on). But I have no intention of just HANDING things over like a putz.  

I'm going to attempt to play EACH video or at least the most damaging one at first,  in a manner that I will say "Hello Mr Lawyer, ... . I want to make sure that I am giving you the right things"

"... . here is what I think is the video evidence that I have organized for you, for Trial purposes.  Well, here it is, but I want to play just a few of the videos or maybe just the 1st one, to make sure that they are all there on the USB memory stick, and they open for you with ease, when you press "play".  

Then I will casually play one of them (if I am not interrupted by him saying to me, ... . "that this won't be necessary, so please, just hand them over".  

Because I want my wife's L to see right then and there what I went thru with my kids and how his client is in BAD need of psychiatric therapy.  I am quite certain that after my 1st Discovery session, my lawyer will get a phone call from opposing counsel wanting to settle out of court.

An out of court offer will be inevitable and proposed to my L and me.   My wife certainly will not be able to go thru the court process, as the evidence is just too damaging and she would lose ALL leverage.  

[rarsweet]

My ex hasn't worked since October 2013, claimed he had carpol tunnel and his hands hurt too bad to work, I have video of him carrying 25 lb daughter in her car seat and swinging her at the police department over and over,  one time I tried to talk to him about her having diarrhea, and he said " I don't have to talk to you" and he lunged at me to take her out of my hands. Oh I forgot the email where he called my mom the peanut gallery .

[livednlearned]

Do you have a lawyer representing you?

The opposing L is going to see your cards -- those emails are important part of your strategy to build a case. The other L, if she sees them early, can build a case around what she knows. You don't want that. You need an L who can explain the chess game here.

The goal here is not to convince the opposing L what your ex is like -- she is ethically bound to represent him no matter what kind of guy he is. The goal here is to build a strong case in front of the judge.

If my L received an interrogatory like yours, she would insist on a deposition so that everything went down in one session, all recorded and transcribed. You give up leverage when you hand things over without seeing how it's going to be turned around and used. A deposition stops some of the blood letting because then your ex's testimony and reactions are captured in the moment, and not part of the acting he'll do in court.

It's a common trap for people to think that what the other lawyer believes/ doesn't believe is important. It's not. I made this mistake and my L told me repeatedly to not focus on that. My ex's L ended up withdrawing from the case. I heard from both my L and the PC involved in our case, well after things were over, that ex's L found his client "disturbing." You would never have guessed that from the way the L presented himself -- because he is paid to work for his client, and believe his client, and do whatever he can for his client.

I sure hope you have a lawyer. There is a lot more to these cases than just right or wrong, unfortunately. It's not about justice. You won't get that from lawyers, nor will you get it from family court. The only thing you get in court is losing less than the other person. 

[maxen]

His l is asking me to hand over copies of all email, text, video, etc, any communications between us. So now she will get to see how it really is.

no no please don't do it. his L is asking you to do the legwork of building their case (as LnL has basically said).

do get a lawyer, if you can. everything then goes L to L and that insulates you from pressure like this.