Why the hell did I fall for the trap?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Against all the advice of everybody I kept checking her whatsapp and her facebook posts and sat here ignoring everything until tonight that is.She has been crying out for me to respond,either negatively trying to prevoke a reaction from me or posting a love quote which is aimed at me.So like a complete idiot I go and email her and I tell her I will always love her and have never stopped loving her because I don't go back on my promises and I told her I would never give up on her and I feel like I am failing her by walking away.

Lets just say I got shot down and pissed on and she has gone back to playing games with one of her sychophant "mates".She tells me last week that she has ended things with the replacement because he wasn't who he said he was but I have witnessed her,her sister and her enablers playing a little game of make the ex believe it is still going on and how he is mr wonderful blah blah blah.

What the hell is wrong with me? I am sat here bawling my eyes out now.35 year old man crying over a 27 year old young woman who plays mind games.I must be the one who needs my head testing!

Removed my facebook and my whatsapp half an hour ago and told her to go to hell.I can't keep doing this,I am a nice guy who deserves so much more than this after all I ever did for her and she just forgets all that like it meant nothing.Her whatsapp status earlier read 'I hate this month' she had a still birth years ago on the 10th of May and I thought she was reaching out to me like with all the love quotes and saying how she misses me.I am such a fool!

[DestroyedKnight]

Against all the advice of everybody I kept checking her whatsapp and her facebook posts and sat here ignoring everything until tonight that is.She has been crying out for me to respond,either negatively trying to prevoke a reaction from me or posting a love quote which is aimed at me.So like a complete idiot I go and email her and I tell her I will always love her and have never stopped loving her because I don't go back on my promises and I told her I would never give up on her and I feel like I am failing her by walking away.

Lets just say I got shot down and pissed on and she has gone back to playing games with one of her sychophant "mates".She tells me last week that she has ended things with the replacement because he wasn't who he said he was but I have witnessed her,her sister and her enablers playing a little game of make the ex believe it is still going on and how he is mr wonderful blah blah blah.

What the hell is wrong with me? I am sat here bawling my eyes out now.35 year old man crying over a 27 year old young woman who plays mind games.I must be the one who needs my head testing!

Removed my facebook and my whatsapp half an hour ago and told her to go to hell.I can't keep doing this,I am a nice guy who deserves so much more than this after all I ever did for her and she just forgets all that like it meant nothing.Her whatsapp status earlier read 'I hate this month' she had a still birth years ago on the 10th of May and I thought she was reaching out to me like with all the love quotes and saying how she misses me.I am such a fool!

[EaglesJuju]

Hi DestroyedKnight,

I am sorry that you are going through this.   

How did she shoot you down, what specifically happened?

[Bassoutcast]

Hey, sorry to hear what you're going through. My ex also's been playing mind games on WhatsApp with me, I know how tempting it is, it's ok, we're only human 

Can you explained on how she shut you down? and what did those "mind games" include?

I've come to accept that they're doing this "indirect contact" to see if you're still available, and by playing along you're falling right into their web. IMO I think it's immature and chose not to respond with it and go NC.

Hang in there!

[DestroyedKnight]

Hi DestroyedKnight,

I am sorry that you are going through this.   

How did she shoot you down, what specifically happened?

Hey, the long and short of it was the other day after putting my foot down and putting some boundaries in place and telling her I did not wish to see her again and I would like it if she drops our son off at my door and walks away.The very next day she messages me asking me to do her a favor and asks me to pick some wet wipes and milk up for our daughter and also 2 bottles of wine.Now she tells me the wine is for a raffle for charity so I did all this in good faith.So after all these loves quotes saying how she misses me and confessing to me last week that they were in fact aimed at me I send her this email expressing myself yet again.

She then decides with the help of her neighbor that they would take to facebook and claim to be drinking these bottles of wine and they were in the same house posting all these comments on facebook but I saw right through this and put it down to game playing but yet it managed to stir me up enough to then tell her she can stop playing games etc

Her response was to unleash another load of abuse at me and claim that the quotes are not about me and she is with this irish fella and she is so happy and she doesn't love me anymore.Going back on everything she told me.Last week she had finished with him,she would always love me and her statuses have been far from anything but happy.I just don't understand any of this 

[DestroyedKnight]

Hey, sorry to hear what you're going through. My ex also's been playing mind games on WhatsApp with me, I know how tempting it is, it's ok, we're only human 

Can you explained on how she shut you down? and what did those "mind games" include?

I've come to accept that they're doing this "indirect contact" to see if you're still available, and by playing along you're falling right into their web. IMO I think it's immature and chose not to respond with it and go NC.

Hang in there!

tempting and very very annoying my friend . mind games like posting statuses galore on whatsapp such as "I need a cwtch right now" which is welsh for cuddle ( I am english by the way ). posting quotes like 'there were things I wanted to tell him but I knew they would hurt him so I kept them inside me and hurt me instead' lots and lots of cryptic messages designed to make me think and think until my head explodes . posting memes on facebook like 'love isn't always perfect,it isn't a fairytale or a storybook,and it doesn't always come easy,love is overcoming obstacles and facing challenges,fighting to be together etc etc etc love is realizing that every minute and every second was worth it because you did it together'. posting one of our favourite songs and multiple songs saying how sorry she is and she would take me back if I forgave her. I just don't understand how she kept up this demeanor for nearly 9 years and then BANG this immature child came out of nowhere . I can't help how I feel,I love her and want to help her but she is not helping us or herself right now.I know she is testing the water but I have made it so clear twice in the last week how I feel about her and she would rather play games

God only knows how she will feel when I get to a stage where I no longer care and there is nobody to pick her up in her hour of need.This month is going to be hell for her with the still birth of her daughter playing on her mind as it always did

Not to mention the baiting of my new lady friend and no word of a lie every time I log in to whatsapp and she is online instantly she goes offline and I have got to the point now where I laugh when she does this because I know she is stalking me

[Lucky Jim]

Removed my facebook and my whatsapp half an hour ago and told her to go to hell.I can't keep doing this,I am a nice guy who deserves so much more than this after all I ever did for her and she just forgets all that like it meant nothing.

Hey DK, Let your anger out!  It's good to express your feelings, in my view, particularly angry feelings.  Usually anger indicates that one has been hurt, which you probably have.  That's OK.  After the anger, you might feel sad, which is OK, too.  Acknowledge whatever feelings come up, I suggest.  Yes, you deserve better, much better.  Time to move on?  Only you know for sure.

LuckyJim

[DestroyedKnight]

Removed my facebook and my whatsapp half an hour ago and told her to go to hell.I can't keep doing this,I am a nice guy who deserves so much more than this after all I ever did for her and she just forgets all that like it meant nothing.

Hey DK, Let your anger out!  It's good to express your feelings, in my view, particularly angry feelings.  Usually anger indicates that one has been hurt, which you probably have.  That's OK.  After the anger, you might feel sad, which is OK, too.  Acknowledge whatever feelings come up, I suggest.  Yes, you deserve better, much better.  Time to move on?  Only you know for sure.

LuckyJim

Thanks LJ. Yeah I have been extremely hurt.I was forced to leave our family home and put through hell ever since.Had lots and lots of disgusting vile foulness rubbed in my face.Extreme silent treatment,threatened with the police for harassment and stalking,threatened with court over the children.mocking,baiting,projection,proclaiming to love me indirectly via memes and quotes and even saying she would always love me and then when the push comes to shove she shoves

I nearly took my life over this young woman and still I am trying to fight for her.what is wrong with me

[EaglesJuju]

Her response was to unleash another load of abuse at me and claim that the quotes are not about me and she is with this irish fella and she is so happy and she doesn't love me anymore.Going back on everything she told me.Last week she had finished with him,she would always love me and her statuses have been far from anything but happy.I just don't understand any of this 

It is confusing trying to decipher this from a rational viewpoint, since her behavior is completely contradictory.  Unfortunately, ambivalence comes with the disorder. For a pwBPD feelings are equal to facts and feelings can rapidly fluctuate.  Fluctuating feelings/emotions are related to the lack of emotional regulation. PwBPD have a very difficult time controlling their emotions. Adding alcohol to emotional dysregulation can exacerbate symptoms.  Has she done this type of behavior before?

[DestroyedKnight]

Her response was to unleash another load of abuse at me and claim that the quotes are not about me and she is with this irish fella and she is so happy and she doesn't love me anymore.Going back on everything she told me.Last week she had finished with him,she would always love me and her statuses have been far from anything but happy.I just don't understand any of this 

It is confusing trying to decipher this from a rational viewpoint, since her behavior is completely contradictory.  Unfortunately, ambivalence comes with the disorder. For a pwBPD feelings are equal to facts and feelings can rapidly fluctuate.  Fluctuating feelings/emotions are related to the lack of emotional regulation. PwBPD have a very difficult time controlling their emotions. Adding alcohol to emotional dysregulation can exacerbate symptoms.  Has she done this type of behavior before?

oh yes she has done this type of behavior before since the split . I don't actually believe she had been drinking the alcohol though.I strongly believe it was another baiting game trying to get me to bite and this sucker bit haha.

When we were together for nearly 9 years she never drank and didn't have any problems with displaying her feelings or emotions towards me although I did find that most of what she would say to me about being her soulmate and wanting to marry me would usually come via a text message when we were in the same house.

Now since the split I have found an empty bottle of alcohol under her bed and she has a need to be going out drinking quite a bit.Last time she went out she came back and climbed into bed next to me and cuddled up to me for a few moments before going downstairs to sleep on the sofa and ended up being sick