I talked to her mom today ~

[McGahee21]

i talked to her mom today, and i think she believe me that i obviously didnt rape or beat her daughter.

she told me she has severe bruises all over her head and face... . which is very very disturbing to me.

this means she either had someone else do it, or she did it to herself... .

is this a BPD reaction because it happened the night i took my car back



Mod note: This post was split from DIFFERENCES|COMORBIDITY: Borderline and Antisocial Personality Disorder

[McGahee21]

she almost killed the both of us speeding on the freeway

[McGahee21]

i remember a few months ago i confronted her about BPD, and her behavior, that i was very concerned for her well being.  she later told me a month later that she cuts herself after sex, which is another character trait of BPD, self mutalation, self loathing

[McGahee21]

she might have read up on BPD to say that in order to manipulate me, which seems more sociopathic... .

tons of her friends have no clue what she is really like, even close friends which is strange

[McGahee21]

I talked to a psychologist today, and she thinks shes more so a straight sociopath and that i should avoid her at all cost, change my number etc

[Mutt]

i talked to her mom today, and i think she believe me that i obviously didnt rape or beat her daughter.

Hi McGahee21,

I'm sorry to hear that.

What advice did your P say with talking to her family with said allegations?

[McGahee21]

i talked to her mom today, and i think she believe me that i obviously didnt rape or beat her daughter.

Hi McGahee21,

I'm sorry to hear that.

What advice did your P say with talking to her family with said allegations?

she told me to avoid at all cost, change number everything. if i encounter her dont say much, and get away.  shes mostly likely going to make things worse if something like this happens again... .

[McGahee21]

she said she mostly likely has fooled most people and interacting with her family and friends would just create a hostile or dangerous situation... .

[Mutt]

Your P gave you good advice. If she has traits of BPD some and not all may have a distortion or smear campaign when the r/s ends. I can relate.

she told me she has severe bruises all over her head and face... . which is very very disturbing to me.

this means she either had someone else do it, or she did it to herself... .

is this a BPD reaction because it happened the night i took my car back

The allegations were on a night you were with her and took your car back and she wasn't bruised up on that night?

Your ex told you she had bruises all over her face? You talked to her after this night?

[McGahee21]

Your P gave you good advice. If she has traits of BPD some and not all may have a distortion or smear campaign when the r/s ends. I can relate.

she told me she has severe bruises all over her head and face... . which is very very disturbing to me.

this means she either had someone else do it, or she did it to herself... .

is this a BPD reaction because it happened the night i took my car back

The allegations were on a night you were with her and took your car back and she wasn't bruised up on that night?

Your ex told you she had bruises all over her face? You talked to her after this night?

so this was probably a bad way to handle it but im not a doctor, and even tho she was nuts, i never thought she was capable of this, and after this i think she may be darker than i realize... .  long story short i had to get my car back and it was a psycho scene, she snapped, almost killed us in the car and said she would make up a story that i tried to rape her if i took the car away and moved on.  after throwing all her stuff on the lawn and telling her to walk home i woke up the next morning with her mom blowing up my phone saying i raped her daughter and beat the shyt out of her.  i obviously didnt touch her... .  last night, ( i think her mom believes me that i didnt touch her, but shes going to defend her daughter), she said she had severe bruises all over her head, face, and body... .  she was totally normal when she walked home. around midnight.  she texted me around 7am that rape charges were filed, and around 11, her mom was calling my phone nuts.  so something happened, but its sick. 

my psychologist she said she doenst think she is BPD, that she sound like a pure sociopath and possibly capable of murder and to stay away.  yes her smear campaign has been constant

[McGahee21]

she told me the biggest red flags were pity and her resourcefulness and that the person i knew was not really her and that is why im so confused and hurt. 

[ForeverDad]

Never ever be alone in a private or secluded place with her.  Never again.  Any contact ought to be with witnesses (not those she can bamboozle or who feel blood is thicker than water) and even recorded (today many devices can record) for self-protection and insurance against later claims.  Without witnesses and documentation to the contrary (such as recordings of what really happened) the "he-said, she-said" doesn't matter all that much and most of the professionals (police, courts) start with default preference for the female gender.  A definite downer if you're the calms, stable person who also happens to be male.

Maybe this will blow over without further conflict.  Or maybe she'll push harder with retaliation and things get a thousand times worse.  Anybody's guess at this point.  So... .stay away... .never be alone with her again... .if you have any contact then record it, for all you know she might admit framing you by harming herself, making false claim of rape, whatever.

Get Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by Bill Eddy & Randi Kreger

[catnap]

As the others have said do not ever be alone with her again.

Talk to a criminal defense attorney or two who have experience with false allegations.  They can check if rape charges were filed and also check if she has filed anything like this in the past.  IMO, you need legal advice in order to best protect yourself. 

[ForeverDad]

if rape charges were filed... .also check if she has filed anything like this in the past.

While there is no need to do anything if this fades away, except to avoid all unprotected confrontations, better yet all contact, if it does become an issue then have investigators look into her legal history.  Unless you're her first relationship or the first to stand up to her, there will almost certainly be a history of prior false allegations or reports.  Blaming and Blame Shifting.  If you end up going before a court, it ought to help to document her history or pattern of false (courtspeak is 'unsubstantiated' allegations.

[livednlearned]

What a horrible experience. It sounds like she filed rape charges, although you have not heard from police yet?

Going forward, it's a good idea to carefully document what you do, where you go. Keep receipts, in case she makes a false allegation and you need to prove she was lying. If she says you were at her house and you have a receipt that shows you were buying dinner at a restaurant, that will go a long way to undermine her credibility.

If you know her habits, like where she likes to hang out, avoid those areas. Do not respond to her, or her mother. Even if you want to try and explain or justify or defend yourself.

It's also a good idea to consult with a criminal law attorney to gather questions and find out if there's anything you need to do to protect yourself. It may cost a few hundred dollars for the consultation, but it will be worth it. Sometimes, our instincts are so completely self-sabotaging when it comes to the legal process. You may want to ask your ex why she is saying these things -- she's the last person you should talk to right now.

And find out if you live in a one-party or two-party consent state. If you're in a one-party consent state, you can record her without her consent. Some people here will record even if it's two-party in order to protect themselves from getting arrested. Police have been known to view video evidence and avoid an arrest. This is the kind of thing you need to ask a lawyer about.

[maxen]

hi McGahee. you have been through an appalling experience and i'm so sorry. please keep posting with us, you'll get good support here.

as everyone above has said, do not be alone with her again, and do have a consultation with a defense attorney. will her psychologist be willing to speak to a lawyer if you retain one?

the person i knew was not really her and that is why im so confused and hurt.

after my exw bolted she went into an insanity of narcissism, and displayed behaviors that were utterly the opposite of what i had come to know in the marriage. all the traits i had detected before the marriage that i though would make for a good partner disappeared after the wedding and a totally dependent and other-blaming person appeared (who also drove dangerously enough that she hit another car and eventually i insisted that i had to be at the wheel if we were together in an automobile), only then to have a monster appear after the marriage. so i can see why you're confused and hurt. but right now you have to see to your own protection.

[ForeverDad]

Look back at your time together.  Do you notice that you were dazed and confused whenever there was some new or pressuring behavior?  And didn't being dazed and confused leave you unsure what you should do and so you didn't do anything for yourself?

However, upon reflection, inaction is a choice, not a failure to make a choice.  You can choose that or you can choose to be proactive for yourself.