BPDs as parents

[Loosestrife]

Hi, I'm interested to know if anyone who has kids with a pwBPD thinks that a BPD is able to co-parent effectively, how has your partner's BPD effected the kids, and given the choice would you choose to co-parent with your pwBPD again if you knew what  you know now? Thanks

[ShadowIntheNight]

My ex was a mother. I knew her and her kids for 10 years. She was always having conflict with their father. She always blamed him for the problems between them, but at least half of the time she was baiting him and saying what I would call emasculating terms to him after the divorce. She never talked (too) badly about him around them. But she said enough that both kids don't care so much for their dad. They are now 12 and 14.

When it came to her kids, I think she is as good a mother as she can possibly be. I know that she works hard to make sure their financial needs are met, but unfortunately her finances are crap because she doesn't use good judgement on paying bills on time and spending money. She also would yell at them in a terrible way that was abrasive to hear when we were on the phone. How she hasn't done that with some new guy and he hasnt found it problematic is beyond me.

She wanted to have a child with me 2 years after we got together (we were both women). Thank God I didn't allow that to happen. In the long term, I would have never gotten to see my child given the way she ran off here at the end and the state she lives in doesn't recognize same sex marriages.

[Panda39]

My SO's uBPDxw is incapable of co-parenting she can not cooperate.  The court seems to have recognized this and awarded each parent decision making for specific things.  My SO is responsible for Medical, Dental and Education his ex is responsible for Vision, Gynocological and Therapy.  They each handle the items they are responsible for... .a parallel parenting model.   

If you want more information on parallel parenting there are several threads on the subject, just plug in "parallel parenting" and Search Site.

I'm part of another thread that you might want to check out about BPD parents and their kids.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=276239.0

Raising children is an already difficult job but adding someone with mental health issues into the mix makes it even more difficult... .complicated. The effects on children depends on many factors... .the child's own personality/confidence/self esteem, the parenting styles and skills of each parent, the health of the parents relationship, supportive people outside the family... .really all of the things that come into play raising any child with some special skills and issues around BPD.