Frustrated with service providers

[jacquis]

I had an incredibly frustrating day yesterday.  My d has been on the waiting list to see a councilor who specialize in sexual assault through a government funded organization.

My d has seen two others from there and has not clicked at all with them.  She fed-back to me that she is "sick of them asking about my pets and what i like to do" i explain to her that they're building a relationship with her so that she will feel safe to then talk about her experiences and she said "but mum i just want them to ask me about it".  I asked her if she was happy for me to talk to the intake worker again and express what she had told me and with a look of relief she said "yes please." This is such huge progress and handled well by a councilor could make real inroads in her recovery.

I spoke to the intake worker explaining that i had my d's permission to discuss what i was saying and i went through my conversation with my d with her.  I have to say that i felt completely dismissed, she said that my d needs to do some work and talk.  I tried explaining that she has BPD traits and finds it extremely difficult to initiate conversation around the topic but she really wants someone to ask questions.  Again she spoke to me as if i was an interfering helicopter parent who is actually a hindrance to my d's therapy.  I soldiered on and said that i wanted my comments passed on to the councilor who will be seeing my d

It had been a week since that conversation and i had not heard from them and d is not traveling well at all so i did the follow up call and spoke to the councilor who has been allocated to my d.  I asked if the intake worker had spoken to her about my d and she said that she had and i said "great then you'll know what i discussed with her regarding my conversation with my d about you starting to ask her questions?"  I could her confusion in her voice - so i then went back over my conversation that i'd had with the intake working about my d's wants.  She then proceeded to treat me like an interfering parent and was completely dismissive of everything i said.

Am i the only one who has experienced this?  At the end of the day my only want is an outcome for my d where she is not living in chronic emotional pain.

The arrogance with which they treated my was horrible - it was as if i had no knowledge at all as was trying to influence therapy for my d for my own benefit.

Can they not see that family in many cases are the experts in their child.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi jacquis,

I'm sorry that you are feeling dismissed and judged, that is hard to take. 

My best advice, from experience, is to not take it personally and try to find another way to accomplish the goal.  Maybe your d can write out what she wants the counselor to do before she sees the counselor and give the note to them when she arrives for her appointment.  She can even explain why she doesn't want to talk about her pets or hobbies... .that she wants real help and wants it ASAP.  This is your daughter taking the lead in her own recovery.

The counselors do need to build a r/s of trust with your daughter, as you mention.  The letter would be a good place to start to do that.

Let us know how her apptmt turns out.

lbjnltx

[MammaMia]

Jacquis

Yes, we have all been there.  it is frustrating when the person with BPD refuses to share information with a therapist, and yet the therapist appears to dismiss what parents say.

Ibjnltx had a good idea about the letter.  Often information is better received when not face-to-face with the therapist, and it is available to refer back to after a session.

Hang in there.  If things do not improve, perhaps a different therapist might be the answer.