Financial Statment

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Good morning,

I first want to tell everyone how supportive and relived I feel to communicate here. I do not have to explain how I feel to live and deal with my BPD!

My L. asked me to fill out Monthly financial statement. It has been one year of separation and I am getting ready for a Complaint. The past year I have been very gruel more than ever. He is a big spender. Since he has new women (number four now), I can imagine how much he spends. I moved into the little apartment with my two children(They go to dad's every other weekends). He still has the single house that he is renting and the condo he lives. My car is over 140000 miles but paid off. He bought a new BMW during separation. Kids' activities are stopped for now and he is ignoring my emails about new activities. He makes six figure and the rental income--twice more than I do, but tells me his budget is tight to support kids activities so I wonder how his statement will look like--and who is going to ask him to fill out. I do not nails or rarely go to salons. But I should... .at least put money for the hair cut. I paid $500 health insurance for everybody last year but he took it and is paying it since Jan. 2015 so I am not paying any now. I used to get hand me down clothes which I am still supplying for my children. But I will not get any in the future since they are my BPD's co-workers. Filling this out accurately is extremely hard for me. It came out $2500 shorter than my income. The overall, my bank situation is I am breaking it almost even with his child support now. He gives me $1400 child support (which I am giving him $400 discount). It will be minus if I move to a small single house (my intention is within three years), get a new car, etc. So I guess my questions are

1. How accurate does it have to be?

2. Should I write right now situation or factor in definite future spending such as insurance after divorce or kids' activities? or do I leave them as $0?

3. What is this form for?

4. What if I spend $250 for dinning out and he spends for $500?

5. Nowhere to put lawyers fee. Do you not include them?

Thanks!

Hope it posts fine this time.

[Godslove]

Good morning,

I first want to tell everyone how supportive and relived I feel to communicate here. I do not have to explain how I feel to live and deal with my BPD!

My L. asked me to fill out Monthly financial statement. It has been one year of separation and I am getting ready for a Complaint. The past year I have been very gruel more than ever. He is a big spender. Since he has new women (number four now), I can imagine how much he spends. I moved into the little apartment with my two children(They go to dad's every other weekends). He still has the single house that he is renting and the condo he lives. My car is over 140000 miles but paid off. He bought a new BMW during separation. Kids' activities are stopped for now and he is ignoring my emails about new activities. He makes six figure and the rental income--twice more than I do, but tells me his budget is tight to support kids activities so I wonder how his statement will look like--and who is going to ask him to fill out. I do not nails or rarely go to salons. But I should... .at least put money for the hair cut. I paid $500 health insurance for everybody last year but he took it and is paying it since Jan. 2015 so I am not paying any now. I used to get hand me down clothes which I am still supplying for my children. But I will not get any in the future since they are my BPD's co-workers. Filling this out accurately is extremely hard for me. It came out $2500 shorter than my income. The overall, my bank situation is I am breaking it almost even with his child support now. He gives me $1400 child support (which I am giving him $400 discount). It will be minus if I move to a small single house (my intention is within three years), get a new car, etc. So I guess my questions are

1. How accurate does it have to be?

2. Should I write right now situation or factor in definite future spending such as insurance after divorce or kids' activities? or do I leave them as $0?

3. What is this form for?

4. What if I spend $250 for dinning out and he spends for $500?

5. Nowhere to put lawyers fee. Do you not include them?

Thanks!

Hope it posts fine this time.

[ugghh]

1. How accurate does it have to be?

- My lawyer said try to make it reasonably accurate.  On the other hand my uBPDw added things like $400/month for a cleaning lady - we never ever had a cleaning lady

2. Should I write right now situation or factor in definite future spending such as insurance after divorce or kids' activities? or do I leave them as $0? 

- You should reasonable expenses that you will need to live, so yes insurance and kids activities.

3. What is this form for?

- Each state is a bit different but basically the form serves as a basis for child support and spousal support.  For example in my state for spousal support to even be considered there are several conditions that have to exist. 1 - Spouse requesting support must be able to show expenses exceeding income (a shortfall) - again subject to judge accepting the expenses stated and 2 - the spouse who would be paying must have an excess over their expenses.  So if my exUPDw was short $1000/month but I had nothing left after paying my expenses, too bad, so sad, nothing to get.

4. What if I spend $250 for dinning out and he spends for $500?

- You are each going to submit to the court what you feel is reasonable for your needs.  If it comes to it, your L will look through the document and point out the disparities, then ultimately the judge decides to what is reasonable for each.

5. Nowhere to put lawyers fee. Do you not include them?

-  Question for your lawyer.  Typically the statement is for your recurring monthly expenses.  L will try to get fees from your ex as part of the settlement probably.

[maxen]

1. How accurate does it have to be?

my L was recommended to me as ethical, and she was ethical. she said list everything you can think of and label it correctly, so that you'll be safe if challenged. this doesn't mean to-the-dollar, but it does mean an honest estimate. if it begins to appear that you're inflating your spending claims or hiding money you'd be open to accusations of fraud and that's the worst thing you can face. same goes for the other party of course, so when you see his statement go over it carefully.

2. Should I write right now situation or factor in definite future spending such as insurance after divorce or kids' activities? or do I leave them as $0?

ask your L.

3. What is this form for?

we didn't have children so in my case it was the basis on which negotiations over division of assets would begin.

4. What if I spend $250 for dinning out and he spends for $500?

unfortunately (if you're like me and you live modestly but your spouse treats money like water) the courts give wide latitude to "lifestyle choices". this was one of the angering things going into my negotiations: that because of my responsibility i was going to lose more money than if i had spent more freely.

5. Nowhere to put lawyers fee.

there should be.

for comparison, here is the NYS Statement of Net Worth: https://www.nycourts.gov/forms/matrimonial/networth.pdf. on p. 13 there a line for counsel fees.

[livednlearned]

The whole point of child support and alimony is to make sure the kids don't drop a whole income bracket just because mom and dad divorce. It's messy. There should be a calculator for child support based on a formula that is fairly straightforward. It's spousal support or alimony where things get fuzzy.

So if your ex makes $150K, and you make $30K, that means he makes 5 times what you make. Court tends to want to see less disparity, and will argue that alimony should be $1500K a month (just as a reasonable example) so that your kids are not living in squalor with you and dining like princes at their dad's.

Alimony is also supposed to be an opportunity to help you get on your feet so that you can pick up some skills and get employed if you've been a SAHM.

This is a sore point for a lot of breadwinners here (both men and women) who feel that they have to support a lazy ex spouse who can't hold a job. For you, though, since you're probably motivated to want to get on your feet, that might mean you add the cost of tuition and child care if you go back to school.

My ex did what many pw BPD do and downgraded his job right before income was counted. I make less than a quarter of what he makes, and received alimony for 5 years (half the 10 year marriage). He paid a fifth of his income to me as alimony, and a fifth as child support.

Your housing should be roughly 1/3 of your monthly income. If you live in a big urban area, it will be more than that, as much as half.

If I were you, I would err on the side of hiking your expenses. Not to absurd levels, just to tally things up on the fattest side of what is reasonable. You will be paying legal fees for years if your ex is typically high-conflict, so don't try and under budget your expenses.