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Author Topic: how to validate this  (Read 378 times)
Holding On

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7


« on: May 27, 2015, 07:37:51 AM »

how do you validate someone when they are accusing you of cheating.they don't accuse of anything specific just that they have the feeling. it is categorically untrue and I've not displayed any behaviors that would be considered suspicious.
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Wrongturn1
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Posts: 591



« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2015, 08:48:23 AM »

I get this one sometimes from my uBPDw.  It usually does not matter much what I say b/c she is dysregulating at that point.  You might try SET:

S:  "You are so important to me and I really care about how you are feeling";

E:  "It must be awful to feel like your significant other/spouse would be unfaithful to you - my heart goes out to you";

T:  "At the same time [don't say "but"], I have never cheated on you and I will never do that. Please know that my commitment to you is rock solid". 

Or something along these lines.  Keep us posted on how things are going!
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Holding On

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 7


« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2015, 01:47:25 PM »

Thank you that is helpful. To me. I'm not sure he didn't throw it back into my face bit we will see.
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waverider
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: married 8 yrs, together 16yrs
Posts: 7405


If YOU don't change, things will stay the same


« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2015, 03:09:21 AM »

Then disengage dont keep having the same defensive discussion. If he simply will not leave it alone then it's boundary time.
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