BPD ex filed Personal Protection Order against me. Why? What to do?

[Lostinwonderland70]

Ok I've left a couple posts about what's going on with me and my I guess ex BPD but a new curve now. I got served a PPo yesterday that she filed for May 1st. It makes no sense. Up to that date she had been initiating contact daily before she went nc a couple days before she filed for it. Stating I was stalking her. I had only seen her once since she left and I left where we were when I saw her. I can prove she was who was contacting me first and get it thrown out I think. But why did she do this? It's ludacris. Help me understand.

[despr8]

hi, lost in wonderland, it very hard to understand what BPDp are thinking when they do what they do... .my wife has BPD and the last 2 years have been a rollercoaster out of control and the scary part is she has been worrying me because of the strange things she does and decisions she makes ... .if your not married don't put to much pressure on yourself... .remember this if you get too caught up in her drama it will cause you to lose yourself and cause you lots of stress... .I know this from experience... .a relationship with pw/BPD id very tasking and costly to your own peace of mind... .I hope you find peace in your situation, despr8

[Mike-X]

I am sorry that this has happened. Unfortunately, it has happened to several members on the boards. As for the reason... .projection and/or distortion campaign to gain sympathy or protect esteem, paranoid delusion, etc., we just don't know her state of mind and motivation.

[Lostinwonderland70]

How long have yall been married? Has it just started over last two years?

[Panda39]

I just want to remind you that while that order is in place follow it to the letter.  Protect yourself because she could reach out to you and use it against you.

For example: something like... .she waits for you somewhere she knows you hangout or shop or whatever and has a nice normal conversation with you and then calls the cops and tells them you are harassing her and that she has a protection order.

So be aware and beware.

[Lostinwonderland70]

I've heard about them doing that. Why would they? I feel so lost in all this now.

[Surg_Bear]

I've heard about them doing that. Why would they? I feel so lost in all this now.

"Why?" is something a non-BPD can never understand.

When you are enmeshed with a BPD person, you become the movie screen that they project things about themselves that they despise. (When falling in love, you are all of the things they like or admire about themselves; but once trapped in their web, the movie switches).  You then become the embodiment of everything they despise about themselves, but cannot muster the strength to truly admit to themselves. 

If you break up with a non BPD partner, it would be natural for them to feel a temporary rejection, self doubt, wish things could have been different, maybe they might even be emotionally mature enough to realize they had behaved badly, whatever it is that we feel when someone stops wanting to be intimate with us etc. 

These "natural / normal" feelings are like poison / death / annihilation to someone with a fragile, emotional maturity of a three year old BPD's ego.  Whatever they would naturally feel about themselves because of a break-up or rejection or abandonment, is projected onto the movie screen.

In essence what this behavior is telling you is that SHE IS A DANGER TO YOU.  YOU NEED TO BE PROTECTED BY A RESTRAINING ORDER.  The unspoken feelings of rage in herself are so unthinkable, she projects those feelings on to you.  She is telling you that she feels an unconscious wish for destruction and retribution for being rejected, but these are feelings the BPD ego cannot accept about themselves, so you are made to be the embodiment of that evil.

By alerting the authorities that she believes you to be a danger to her, is a very scary message that the opposite is probably true.

BE VERY CAREFUL and if you see her in real life, disappear.  She is stalking you, and doing to you everything she told the police you are doing to her. 

You MUST be religious to the NO CONTACT.  If she mysteriously or accidentally appears in a place you are, run away.  You MUST treat every contact as a trap- a trap you do not want.

If what I'm saying seems harsh... .step back and ask yourself how harsh it is that someone actually took out a restraining order on an innocent victim.

You are in danger of being the target of BPD Vengeance.

Good luck-

Surg_Bear

[Lostinwonderland70]

Even if she is the one who left me? I didn't break up and leave her.

[Panda39]

Short answer... .Yes

[Lostinwonderland70]

Is this a permanent phase?

[Lostinwonderland70]

I guess in asking do they forever hate you and attempt to do things bad to you once they paint you black?

Also is there any advice on going to court for this PPo?

[Panda39]

Right now it doesn't matter if this is a phase... .you have a legal order of protection against you, you can have no contact with her.

[Lostinwonderland70]

I know that right now. I'll be able to have the order waived with the evidence I have in court in a few weeks. But I'm trying to figure out the whole picture away from that

[zundertowz]

Even if she is the one who left me? I didn't break up and leave her.

Even tho she may have broken up with you and left you she probably blames you for her actions... .classic BPD.  It may also be used to gain sympathy from people close to her.

[Lostinwonderland70]

She does. She sees re breakup due to things I'd done wrong. She takes no blame at least outwardly. Do they hold onto that feeling toward the other?

[zundertowz]

She does. She sees re breakup due to things I'd done wrong. She takes no blame at least outwardly. Do they hold onto that feeling toward the other?

Its impossible to say... .some do and some don't... .all I can say is if she went to these lengths you should not contact her.  Even if she does change her thinking you now know what shes cabable of and as painfull as it is you should go n/c and move on.

[Lostinwonderland70]

I also now know that it's the disorder and that if she wants help that the things that causes us issues can be managed. I'm more prepared to handle it. I know her full extent of problems. I have the ammo I need to help her fight the major ones that she never told me about till the day after she left.

[Panda39]

You might find it helpful to read about splitting since it sounds like you have been split "black" this might help you better understand some of what might be going on with your ex here is a link... .

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=62033.0

Here is a link about the Push/Pull that is a common feature in BPD relationships, they push you away and pull you back close again and push you away and pull you back close again... .etc.  Very confusing and very painful to the NonBPD partner.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=161524.0

The other thing you might want to do is ask questions about the restraining order on the "Legal Board" I'm sure you'll get some good advice on how to handle that.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0

(And as a side note I didn't mean to come across as short and uncaring in my previous posts - I just wanted to be sure you got the message to protect yourself.  Having the protection order is bad enough but ending up being falsely charged of harassing her is worse)

[Lostinwonderland70]

Thank you for those links. And the advice. I'm consulting a lawyer also Tuesday. I have a legal plan through my job. And thank you for the last part too. It's really hard not understanding her actions right now. I've tea about it and talked to bitter ex's our whole 3 years. I just thought it would never be me. We always seemed to live above her BPD. And so many times she was able to fight through anger and calm. We really mAde a lot of progress together. I love her so much.

[Panda39]

Thank you for those links. And the advice. I'm consulting a lawyer also Tuesday. I have a legal plan through my job. And thank you for the last part too. It's really hard not understanding her actions right now. I've tea about it and talked to bitter ex's our whole 3 years. I just thought it would never be me. We always seemed to live above her BPD. And so many times she was able to fight through anger and calm. We really mAde a lot of progress together. I love her so much.

Glad to hear that you'll be meeting with an attorney 

I know you love her I can hear it.  I can also hear how confusing all of this is to you and how painful.  You aren't alone    I suggest doing alot of reading... .checkout the other boards and just read whatever threads interest you.  Also checkout the links in the box to the right (each board has their own) ------------------------------------->

Another place to snoop around is under the "Glossary" tab above that's were I found the link about "splitting" but there are many other terms/definitions/links there.  The more information you take in the better you will understand BPD and hopefully things about your relationship will become more clear.

Hang in there.

Panda39

[Lostinwonderland70]

Sorry sent a message instead of post. :-/ my minds just not here.

I still have hope. We were idk how to describe it. She was always so honest about hownthingsbwere going with it. Do you know she ha cut from 6 to 30 then stopped for 2 years through us talking through it when she felt the need. Then we broke up a month in July and she started back. It's so hard to put so much into someone. I read books and articles. Held her when she was bad off. Cleaned up after her cutting. Treated her like she always wanted from her marriage. Then right before we got the house she seemed so mad all the time. Blaming me as saying I was being an ass. Idk