Trying to heal from a strange situation.

[Arcturus81]

Bpd was something I knew nothing about a year ago. I worked a retail job which I excelled at and quickly became a member of management. In doing so I was sent to help out other stores in the area. It was there that I ran across "C". He was a nice guy and it was funny because we looked so similar. We got along at one of the stores we were getting up to code. A little later I met C's wife, "M".  She was also working with the company although at another store. Things were great until M started to message me over a social network. She and C were looking for another male to join in the bedroom. Stupidly I agreed and we had one drunken night together. It wasn't long after that when she started to see me without his knowledge. I knew it was wrong but I was exceptionally lonely and she was fulfilling my need for emotional co dependency. She divorced him a two months later (they had only been married for a little over a year). I felt ashamed because I thought that I was the cause. I later found out that she had been married before and divorced because she had cheated on husband number 1 (C was her second husband).

We started dating officially a couple of months after that. I know now that she was in the idealization phase. I had no knowledge of BPD at this point. I was totally taken by surprise and thought that this was the woman I am supposed to be with. Deep down I knew she was a liar and a cheater but I swept those feelings under the carpet. I was on cloud nine. I found a new job which I excelled at. I was seeing every chance we got and taking her out to dinner, museums, and vacations. She inspired me to be a better person. I thought that it was fate.

Then the rug got pulled out from under me.

We had went to a book store where she saw and purchased a book called "Bpd for dummies". Little did I know that I was the dummy.

She was constantly on the phone texting her friend "A"

She said that he was just a friend from Newfoundland and that they liked to talk a lot. He was a very rich guy and frequently made trips to the US.

Well my jealousy got the better of me and I asked her to not talk to him as I had a gut feeling that it was more than it seemed. She berated me for being jealous and called me names. I found out later when she left her email signed in on my computer that she had been sending him nude pictures and the context of the other emails was pretty bad.

I split with her as I knew the lying would get worse. I packed all her things and gave them to her and acted quite civil. We didn't talk for 2 weeks.

Now during this time I had been confiding in a friend about how much I missed M. He commiserated and told me to move on and to find other women. He even tried to hook me up on a couple of blind dates. I didn't go on them because I was still hurting about her. I wanted her back even though I knew she was a drug. She filled my every waking thought.

My friend said he ran into her at a gas station and that she said that there was still an item at my house that she wanted back. A pair of shoes. I searched and did find them buried beneath the mess I had let my apartment become. I decided to give them back with a letter saying I missed her. Big mistake.

She called me and we talked. She said she missed me too but she had heard I moved on. I asked whom she heard that from? She said my best friend. She then forwarded me texts that showed how he had been flirting with her the entire relationship and how he had been feeding her false information to try and sleep with her. I was floored.

She then said she still wanted to see me and be fwb. I saw her a couple of times after that thinking we could make things work but then I went to bring her some dinner at work I heard her on the phone in her office. I decided to listen for a sec and see who was making her laugh so. It was her new man apparently. He had came to do a store remodel (oh the irony). She said how she had been seeing both of us at the same time. I was crushed because I had really come to love her.

I can see just by writing these words that I deserve all the hurt and betrayal that happened. I ruined a marriage and lost a best friend and a woman I loved with all my heart in return. I felt like ending it all for the first month. I just completed my second month and am trying to be a better person. I apologized to C but never received a response.

I am ready for any responses that tell me what a complete idiot I am. I know it believe me. I have paid that karmic tab for my actions. I just hope she ends that cycle of hurting people. Love is more than a four letter word to a non BPD. I still love her deep down but I will maintain no contact until my dying day simply because I couldn't face that feeling ever again.

[jo19854]

Hi Arc,

It's a bizarre situation indeed, be happy that it unfolds in such a short time. Its clear this woman is a very destructive person. I recognize the part "I thought it was fate". It's the way it feels.

Buying that book is very manipulative. It seems she knows more than she ever told you.

Youre not an idiot, just a guy who fell in love with a woman who has the ability to seduce, exploit without any remorse and play games.

Mother nature makes us want an ideal partner and if you think you found one you go for it.

In my case i still don't know if i am dealing with a wife with heavy depression, medication or whatever.

If you want to know how bizar things can get, just look at my profile, it's a bit long, sorry

I wish you all the luck and don't lose trust in people, don't change, just live and learn.

[mitatsu]

In the land of Bpd bizarre is just another bus stop on the journey

you got off the bus my friend we all rode now dont get back on