Angry and depressed

[Nosleepmom]

My 29D decided to lock me out of her life several months ago.  This is same old same old.  The usual pattern is she gets a new boyfriend, I gotta go 'cause she makes up so many stories, and I know where the bodies are buried.  The very thought terrifies her.  I have told her repeatedly that if she didn't make up such bs stories, these guys might get along with us, and we could all get together and be a family.  Ain't happening.  So, in Oct she got a new boyfriend, and then the last couple of times I saw her, I notice that he is giving me the squint eye.  I already know she much have told him some humdingers (the last boyfriend she told that we had stolen her baby and taken him to CA with us -- BS -- she gave the child to his father in FL).  I know that she tells them these stories as ego protection, but it's really irritating.  Truth is, she only wants me in her life when she needs something, typically money.  A couple of months ago, she was out of work.  She asked me to borrow money, and I really didn't want to go there, because I know she doesn't like to pay back (in fact, her two sisters will have nothing to do with her, because she has sticky fingers) but I stupidely lent her money.  Of course, when the time comes to get repayed, suddenly it's telephone silence.  I did finally get the money back, because my husband threatened to keep coming to her door until he got it.  I asked her at the time why she didn't ask the live-in boyfriend for the money.  Of course I know the answer--same situation with other boyfriends -- he is not to be in any way discomfited. 

This same situation has been repeated soo many times!  And I should know by this point that she doesn't really give a rats ass about me.  I was ticked off with her on my birthday, and I told her, "you know, you have not once give me a gift for my birthday, or christmas or mother's day -- not so much as a card".  She texted me some ridiculous answer about she's not materialistic, so she doesn't remember things like that.  My head almost blew off!  This is the same girl who is always here with her hand out!  This is the same girl who always expects me to make the parties for the grandkids.  This is the girl who stole her college student sisters credit cards so she could go out with her friends, stole her sisters identity to open up a cable bill that she never paid for!  OOHHHHHHHHHH!  I am so angry -- but then so sad at the thought this may be the time she does really cut me out of her life for good.  Can anyone be more messed up in the head than me?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi nosleepmom,

I feel for your dilemma, being taken advantage of sucks!

Are you afraid that if you say "no" she will never come back into your life? 

Have you thought about setting boundaries around what you will and will not do for her?

What might those boundaries look like?

When we are lost in the FOG... .fear, obligation, and guilt we do things that make us resentful and then we get angry at ourselves. 

lbj