ex girlfriend dumped me for another - is it healthy to mintain a friend

[jettos]

hello i d like too know can we still be friend s with and ex girlfriend with BPD after as break up when she has a new flamme in her life

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Jettos, 

Welcome aboard.

I think being friends depends on what your expectations are and how the break up occurred.

Perhaps you can share more of your story so we can help you better. 

[Arcturus81]

Unless you feel you can be emotionally ok with seeing her with another guy I would say no. Also look into the reason she still wants you as a friend. Is she wanting a friend or a backup in case the new relationship goes south.

Think about what is best for you before making this choice

[Lucky Jim]

Think about what is best for you before making this choice

Wise advice from Arcturus.  You're the decision-maker, not her.

For me, I think it would be extremely awkward and stressful.

LuckyJim

[Henry II]

Foe me it would be hard so why bother. Only hurt you. If you have children with SO then that is harder. IMHO

[mitatsu]

in a nutshell no... .they will only use you as a supply or to triangulate with someone else

ask yourself does a friend treat you like that?

[Aussie0zborn]

Still be friends after the break up? That wasn't your idea was it?

No, I didn't think so.  Grow a brain and think for yourself. What would have happened if you moved on to a new relationship and asked her to still be friends?

[RedDove]

Jettos, I haven't come across any stories on this site that show a successful friendship with an ex BPD. Sorry to say that, but, I also know from first hand experience with my ex BPDbf.

We knew each other 30 years ago in high school. He reconnected with me on Facebook. Our encounter (not a relationship, he's not capable of love, loyalty or commitment) lasted off and on (more off) for almost 4 years. I didn't know he suffered from BPD until a year ago. I discoverd the deceit, lies and cheating first hand and ended it. He began contacting me 3 months later on a dating site. I met him for a final dinner and closure. He continued to text me. He would talk about making plans to hang our as "friends". But just like when we were together, his words "never" matched his actions. Just a lot of pish/pull and false promises.

He even tried to idealize me again. He led with his charm, flirting and sex. He's an attractive guy and knows it (Narcissitic). When the texts turned in that direction, I reminded him we were only friends. Some weekends he would text like crazy. I would answer only when I felt appropriate. Then the texts became less frequent. I assume he found another target or recycled a former ex. It triggerd me when the texting stopped. You wind up going through withdrawal all over again. It also emotionally affects you in a bery negative way, all over again! So, no, I dont recommend attempting to be friends with your ex BPD.

[Loosestrife]

Yes