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Author Topic: My BPDex told me my replacement has BPD... and she's struggling with him  (Read 5557 times)
4Years5Months
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« Reply #30 on: June 06, 2015, 10:47:34 AM »

An update on my situation:

My ex and I have continued to talk.  She lets me know she and the replacement “fight intensely” pretty much every day, but continues to see him.  She seems reluctant to mention him in our conversations, saying, “it’s not your concern.”

I change my Facebook profile photo, and she messages me complimenting me on it (remember we aren't friends on there).  I like a Facebook photo of a mutual friend (female) and she almost immediately messages me asking if I’m going to date her.  Because I clicked “like” on a Facebook post.

Then, last Monday at about 12:30 at night (so technically early on Tuesday), she messages me asking if I’m awake.  I wasn’t, but I respond when I wake up on Tuesday morning.  She says she and Replacement had “a big blowout” fight the night before, and he told her he was leaving her because she deserves someone better, took all of his belongings, and left her apartment. 

She says, “we may be done.”  I prod a little further, and she says he is with a friend’s family (guy friend) for a three-day vacation.  It then dawns on me that he fought with her to create chaos before leaving because he likely (as a pwBPD) feared she would abandon him or cheat while he was gone…so he shifts the guilt onto her (“You deserve so much better than me!”) so she won’t.  My ex, as ANOTHER pwBPD, thinks the relationship is over because HE is leaving for three days.  It was fascinating to hear.

With him not hovering over her, she talks to me quite freely for the next day or so.  Then on Thursday she’s distant again.  It dawns on me that she’s probably talked to Replacement and he’s done his usual apologies and things are back to normal.  She says they are going to take it slow and not make any long-term plans.  I ask what that means, and she says, “I think we have been spending too much time together.  He’s not going to come over every night in the future.”  Apparently this will keep him from boiling over or something.

I go out with mutual friends on Thursday.  She texts me, asking if I’m having fun.  I (baiting her, I know what’s really going on) invite her to join us.  She says she would love to, but she’s broke.  I offer to buy her a beer.  She suddenly makes the entire conversation humorous, saying “Hahaha” and “LOL” to simple comments I make, and says I’m just drunk.  I say that’s not the case.  I can tell she’s nervous and distant, not wanting to make the convo about us.  Then, suddenly, she says she has to go.  Replacement is back in town and immediately coming over.  I knew it.  So much for taking it slowly and not spending every moment together, eh?  She was never in a position to hang out with us, and I knew it from the start.

We briefly chatted yesterday, and she was distant again, letting me know she wants to be my FRIEND, but can’t “right now.” And would like to hang out “someday.”  Funny, until Replacement apologized (and I’m presuming she had a good evening with him after he was back in town) she was in recycle mode.  Now she’s back to him again.

This is a form of triangulation, right?  Emotionally swaying back and forth?  Showing devotion and commitment to Replacement, but then running to me for comfort when things aren’t good with him?  She did the same thing with a previous replacement two years ago, but it was his immaturity (“He’s such a boy!”) that was the catalyst, not any kind of disorder like current guy’s BPD.  I think she is going through what all of us have at some point – knowing something is wrong, but feeling drawn to him because of his vulnerability. 

And me?  I’ll admit the pull of her brief recycle spurts has at times confused me and saddened me.  But unlike the last couple of breakups, I look at her and feel sorrow and pity FIRST, rather than the overwhelming desire to want her back.  I see a lost woman who is struggling, and with each passing day she puts up with Replacement and his baggage, I lose respect for her.  It’s odd because I was in her shoes (minus having BPD) for 5 years.  But now I see things more clearly.
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« Reply #31 on: June 06, 2015, 07:43:46 PM »

It sounds like her r/s has many successful functions that it is serving:

- It is keeping you interested and engaged with you, while at a safe distance.

-It allows her to feed her addiction to drama

-It allows her to assume an "admirable" r/s role as a "helper" like role.

-It gives her a sense of superiority

-Probably makes her feel desirable to have his attention, and a bit of yours.

-She gets to "control" you view/image of her to make sure you do not paint her black.  (As she tells you one sided stories of her and him)

-Alleviation of enmeshment  and abandonment fears.  (As her expectation for this r/s is not forever)





So, IMHO... .

Sounds to me like this r/s so far is functioning just fine to meet her "needs" at this point in time.  It is serving a function, and quite effectively it sounds!


So long as her "needs" will never be... .

-Being in an honest r/s (she is "sneaking" talking to you)

-Having a stable r/s

-mutual respect, love and concern for a partner

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« Reply #32 on: June 07, 2015, 03:36:24 AM »

Very well said Sunflower

Victim,  persecutor and rescuer... .It gets old after a while.
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« Reply #33 on: June 07, 2015, 04:41:37 AM »

"So, I'm not going to contact her.  She's the one with the BPD boyfriend who doesn't want anything to do with me.  It's up to her to reach out.

I'm guessing she had a good weekend with him, because she's not contacting me to vent.  I'm also not reciprocating and letting her think a recycle is possible.  We are strictly friends when we talk.
"

4Years,

This is not what I would call a "friend" situation or a "friendship." Your definitions may be different, and that's cool. I also understand that you may be slapping the "friend" label on it because of the lack of a better way to describe the situation.

My question is, what are you getting out of her being able to access you when she wants and, when contact is made, you listen to her oratory masturbation about another guy? Where are your needs and wants being met here? In these communications, where are you being allowed to share yourself openly? That to me seems like you're more of an enabler/orbiter to her more than anything, regardless of how it's sold. Enlighten me here.

My pwBPD ran of with replacement that she had been. Cheating on me with. Lied about the cheating. In a conversation I had with her after the abandonment she attempted to "get into" her relationship problems with me?

I immediately told her that I felt that that topic of conversation was inappropriate and immediately shut it down.  That was a self-preserving healthy act on my part. I was AMAZED at the pwBPD's complete and total lack of appropriate boundaries

Shortly after that conversation,  after digestion the absurdity of engaging with a person who behaved this way, I made a decision to take care of me and go absolute NC. Changed my phone number, etc. It was the right decision.

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« Reply #34 on: June 07, 2015, 05:27:27 AM »

Good for you!  Too right it was a healthy move. It feels so good doesn't to be able to recognise what's happening,  not get pulled in and finally know what to do to protect yourself (NC). For me anyhow I'm so grateful to have this tool now and permission if you like to use it.  No need to agonise anymore over what to do,  what to say,  how to respond or fear being 'triggered'. TOXIC,  step away.  I had 2 occasions yesterday where previously I would have been stuck... .One was an ex another a friend of a friend... .My gut was telling me straight away this is inappropriate,  toxic,  miles off.  I was SO proud of me that I listened to that,  thought about what my options where and made myself unavailable.  I think I have felt I had to be available to 'help' anyone my whole Life!  It is terrific to be able to walk away knowing it has nothing to do with me and nothing I could do anyway.  I used to think they might 'need' me,  now I consciously tell myself they need God! (or therapy etc)  Smiling (click to insert in post)
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4Years5Months
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« Reply #35 on: June 08, 2015, 05:36:17 PM »

It feels like she is doing a condensed version of the abandonment/engulfment push and pull with me, all of it at a distance.  Like, she fights with him and reaches out to me, and after a day or so in that "mode" of chatting like a recycle attempt, she feels engulfed and goes back to him, and at that point he's apologetic anyway so it's easy to fall back into things.  But inevitably, they will fight again and the process will start anew.

She will text me and ask why it doesn't work for us and want to talk on the phone, but just a few days later will find the idea of us hanging out again someday "funny" and say she regrets telling me about her problems with my replacement.  Back and forth.  It's like a good time with the replacement will fix any doubts she has.  It's just like what I went through with her - amazing times but perforated with terrible (waif BPDer) ones, but then we would have an awesome time together (trip to NYC) and I would think she was again my soul mate.  But then it would all fall apart again.

I told her she is in an abusive relationship, just without the physicality.  He is using these emotional outbursts ("I need to leave you because YOU deserve so much better!" to project his low self worth onto her and garner sympathy.  I've mentioned what she is going through to friends (some who don't even know her) and EVERY one of them has said "Why the hell is she not dumping this guy?"  Why not indeed.
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Suzn
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« Reply #36 on: June 08, 2015, 08:02:58 PM »

But inevitably, they will fight again and the process will start anew.

Where does this leave you now?

I told her she is in an abusive relationship, just without the physicality.  He is using these emotional outbursts ("I need to leave you because YOU deserve so much better!" to project his low self worth onto her and garner sympathy.  I've mentioned what she is going through to friends (some who don't even know her) and EVERY one of them has said "Why the hell is she not dumping this guy?"  Why not indeed.

You are going completely by what your ex says 4Years5Months and she could be being completely honest however she wasn't with you when she told you she didn't like this guy from work. You are trying to convince her she's in an abusive relationship and trying to get a consensuses from your friends on your take on the situation. You are still attached. Do you plan a break to grieve and heal your loss? Do you identify with any of the following ten beliefs?

Surviving a Break-up with Someone Suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder

1) Belief that this person holds the key to your happiness

2) Belief that your BPD partner feels the same way that you feel

3) Belief that the relationship problems are caused by you or some circumstance

4) Belief that love can prevail

5) Belief that things will return to "the way they used to be"

6) Clinging to the words that were said

7) Belief that if you say it louder you will be heard

8) Belief that absence makes the heart grow fonder

9) Belief that you need to stay to help them.

10) Belief that they have seen the light
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« Reply #37 on: June 08, 2015, 08:45:52 PM »

I think many of us here, (me included) spend a lot of time focusing on our partner... .

Both during the r/s... .and after.

My real healing is happening these past few weeks.

What shifted... .

Is I have begun to focus on ME!  For the first time in five years, trulely listening to me.

I imagine that had he and I been able to have some sort of friendship, that it would be tempting of me to engage in that.  However, had that occurred, I believe it would be a distraction for me and get in the way of doing the work that I need to do... .

The work of... .

Looking at myself, listening to myself, acknowledging my needs.

Making healthy friendships

Reaching out, trying new things and experiences

Finding a new definition of ME

I know that one of my biggest mistakes within the r/s, is that I stopped looking after me.  I allowed myself to get caught up in the drama that was him.  This felt safer to me, because looking at oneself can be difficult and a harder reality to deal with than focusing on someone else.

What do you think?

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« Reply #38 on: June 10, 2015, 03:35:38 PM »

I'm trying to figure out why you are 100% sure that her BF has BPD. She's lied to you before why wouldn't she be lying to you now? I agree with Suzn, you're still attached. You should really take the time to focus on yourself instead of listening to someone who left you for someone she works with. Sorry if I'm coming off as rude, but tough love is needed sometimes.
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« Reply #39 on: July 05, 2015, 09:17:29 PM »

I felt like updating this.

Twice since my last post, my ex contacted me and said the replacement "left" her again.  They argue, he packs up his stuff, and leaves.  She texts me upset, saying she thinks he has finally had enough.  And, like clockwork, within a day or so, things go back to "normal" and she apologizes for telling me about him walking out, and says she "can't explain" why she stays with him.  It's more about how she thinks HE has left HER than her wanting it to be over.  And when he apologizes (pull back) she goes right back.

It's almost like she has assumed the role of the codependent non, although her behavior toward me showed strong BPD characteristics, and likely fuels the many fights she has with him (and probably causes his walkouts faster than they should happen).

After the second "breakup" with him and reconciliation, she went on a vacation with him, just days after telling me she wouldn't put herself in a bad situation like that - going out of town with him.  She said spending every night together with him was a bad idea, but he swooped right back in - and brought his stuff back with him - almost immediately.  When they are on the outs, she speaks with clarity.  But when he comes back, she starts making excuses for him and falls back into it.  After she went on vacation with him (days after telling me she had 70 cents in her bank account), it was like something emotionally snapped in my brain.  I realized she will stay with him despite his behavior.

A week later, after that vacation, he "left" her again after another fight.  Again she texted me, saying they "may" be done.  And again, a couple of days later, they were back together.  I told her I felt sorry for her, staying in a relationship like that.  Since then, she has refused to talk about him with me, naturally.

I have only talked to her a couple of times in the last two weeks.  I'm guessing he's on his best behavior since she isn't blowing up my phone, but I don't know. 

I would hope that she knows she shouldn't be with him and the fact that she's essentially secured to him is keeping her from leaving.  They work together and have the same circle of friends - her leaving him would likely cause a lot of immediate and constant turmoil.  She tells me regularly that she is looking for a new job, but that's par for the course with her.  But maybe she sees it as her ticket out.  She told me after she confessed his BPD issues to me that I was the only person she had told, and how good it felt to do so.  "I have to deal with it all alone, it feels soo good to tell someone, even if it's you."

She said something quite interesting during that "confession" convo - "I know some people thing we have this amazing relationship.  I guess I wanted you to know that isn't the case.  It's very volatile."

To bring it back to me, what frustrates me is that she broke up with me for minor reasons ("I don't think you want to move away with me!" but will stick with this obvious mistake of a guy who regularly fights with her.  I guess I should look at her BPD and not her words - she was engulfed by me and I guess she hasn't had that with him due to his current crafty push and pull methods. 

And yeah, I want it to fail with him so everyone will know all of that Facebook flaunting was a mirage, as I know it is.  To see her continue in such a dysfunctional relationship (and defend it in various ways) is infuriating.

I appreciate the support, but I don't need any "tough love" - I know what the situation is and I'm slowly weening myself off of it.  But hearing validation (man, I sound like I'm the one with BPD) that her entire situation is nonsense helps.

Thanks for letting me vent.
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« Reply #40 on: July 05, 2015, 09:49:26 PM »

She told me after she confessed his BPD issues to me that I was the only person she had told, and how good it felt to do so.

Nice triangle she has going. Hooks and all.

How much longer do you see the 'weening' process continuing? And: Why?

Of course it feels good to her to 'confess' like that. She gets to think that she absolves herself, with both of you, while not facing what's really going on/actually bettering her life. With questionable honesty, as others said.
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« Reply #41 on: July 05, 2015, 10:02:25 PM »

Why are you talking to this person?
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4Years5Months
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« Reply #42 on: July 05, 2015, 11:06:39 PM »

Why are you talking to this person?

I would like a friendship with her.  NOT a relationship.  I know that seems like a lie, but while I've had brief spurts of wanting that in the last few months, when she decided to go back to the replacement AND on vacation despite everything she told me he did, it's like I lost that level of attraction and respect for her.  Like I said in my last post, it's like something snapped in my brain.

But I love her.  But I'm not IN LOVE with her.  I feel that we can be friends, and if not, then I feel that I could detach from that, or if she BPD-detached from me as a friend, it would be easier to swallow than allowing myself to fall back into a relationship.

Obviously, the replacement and that relationship prohibits all of the above.  She regularly tells me she wishes we could be friends and hang out, but can't "right now."  She doesn't elaborate as to what "right now" means.

I'm getting tired of waiting, I can say that.  On a side (but serious) note, I worry about her.  She says "He would never hurt or endanger me, only himself" but I can't help but thing that eventually the temper tantrums won't have the desired effect, and something extreme will happen.  Sad to say, but maybe then she will realize what chaos she is a part of.
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« Reply #43 on: July 05, 2015, 11:59:34 PM »

I feel like there would be no happy ending here:


Lose a 'friend' = feel pain

See a 'friend' get hurt = feel pain

Get snared back = feel pain [eventually]

Drop the friend = feel pain

Stay with friend = feel pain

I'm not saying it's not possible, I was platonic friends with a pwBPD for almost 10 years...
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« Reply #44 on: July 06, 2015, 12:27:02 AM »

4Years,

I think that you're assessing the possibility of a friendship the wrong way. Because of the emotional attachment that y'all once had, you are now a trigger to her. She obviously couldn't regulate her emotions while y'all were a couple or y'all would still be together. Why do you think that she will be able to do that now? BPD is an attachment disorder, she is going to attempt to attach, regardless of what she says and regardless of what you want. She has proven to you that she has no control over the attachment impulse. I think that what you're hoping for is just not possible because of what has been. I personally don't buy into the boundary thinking because if I have to have stated and enforced boundaries just to maintain a friendship with a person, than perhaps that friendship shouldn't be maintained.
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« Reply #45 on: July 06, 2015, 06:17:33 AM »

4Years,

I think that you're assessing the possibility of a friendship the wrong way. Because of the emotional attachment that y'all once had, you are now a trigger to her. She obviously couldn't regulate her emotions while y'all were a couple or y'all would still be together. Why do you think that she will be able to do that now? BPD is an attachment disorder, she is going to attempt to attach, regardless of what she says and regardless of what you want. She has proven to you that she has no control over the attachment impulse. I think that what you're hoping for is just not possible because of what has been. I personally don't buy into the boundary thinking because if I have to have stated and enforced boundaries just to maintain a friendship with a person, than perhaps that friendship shouldn't be maintained.

Well said... .It just seems that interacting with this person, on any level is just full of drama and a burden. It's all about her needs and control. Not healthy in my book... .and exactly like my exBPD. Exactly. It's all about her.

"Attachment impulse"... .is also a perfect description... .so true... .And it's upsetting to know that I deeply tried to have an intimate relationship with someone who has this impulse 24/7... .I was just part of a list. Next... .
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« Reply #46 on: July 06, 2015, 08:00:58 AM »

I appreciate the support, but I don't need any "tough love" - I know what the situation is and I'm slowly weening myself off of it.  But hearing validation (man, I sound like I'm the one with BPD) that her entire situation is nonsense helps.

4Years, Do what you have to do man. If you feel as though your interactions with her and listening to her problems over and over again are "weening" you off then more power to you. I've been down this road before and it didn't end too well. You could have a friendship with her, but you need to detach yourself from her first. Otherwise you'll just be stuck.
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« Reply #47 on: July 09, 2015, 11:14:11 AM »

I appreciate the feedback.

I have to say, in the last week or so, my brain has just shifted emotionally regarding her.  I still think about her, but at the same time, I think of my time with her as something from my past, like remembering a vacation.  I don't crave her or that experience anymore.

I've decided to just refrain from communicating with her.  That doesn't mean I'm going NC, but I'm not going to be quick to respond if she talks to me, either.  You all are correct, our "friendship" is anything but that.  And it wouldn't be anything close to resembling an actual friendship as long as she is with the BPD replacement. 

I still sit here and say to myself, "she was able to break up with me seven times for minor/bogus reasons, so I know she has the ability to leave him.  I can't fathom WHY she continues to stay with him when he is so volatile and threatening to leave her so often."  It's true.  I honestly thought by this point she would be done with him, but that's not the case.  He must be a master at the push and pull if he can keep ANOTHER pwBPD attached to him.

It's funny, now that she doesn't want to talk about him with me, she isn't really reaching out to me anymore.  I guess I went along with it because I've always been that soother, which I was fine with as long as it was as a friend and not a recycle attempt.  But I think, for whatever absurd reason, she wants to stay with the replacement, and thus isn't using me as an outlet anymore.

Oh well.
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« Reply #48 on: July 09, 2015, 11:35:36 AM »

I appreciate the feedback.

I have to say, in the last week or so, my brain has just shifted emotionally regarding her.  I still think about her, but at the same time, I think of my time with her as something from my past, like remembering a vacation.  I don't crave her or that experience anymore.

I've decided to just refrain from communicating with her.  That doesn't mean I'm going NC, but I'm not going to be quick to respond if she talks to me, either.  You all are correct, our "friendship" is anything but that.  And it wouldn't be anything close to resembling an actual friendship as long as she is with the BPD replacement. 

I still sit here and say to myself, "she was able to break up with me seven times for minor/bogus reasons, so I know she has the ability to leave him.  I can't fathom WHY she continues to stay with him when he is so volatile and threatening to leave her so often."  It's true.  I honestly thought by this point she would be done with him, but that's not the case.  He must be a master at the push and pull if he can keep ANOTHER pwBPD attached to him.

It's funny, now that she doesn't want to talk about him with me, she isn't really reaching out to me anymore.  I guess I went along with it because I've always been that soother, which I was fine with as long as it was as a friend and not a recycle attempt.  But I think, for whatever absurd reason, she wants to stay with the replacement, and thus isn't using me as an outlet anymore.

Oh well.

You should know it's not personal. If we knew the answers on why a pwBPD does the things they do, this place wouldn't exist. Right on for putting the foot down, I like the description of remembering a vacation. We tend to highlight the good, but after enough time the memory stays but the emotions will evaporate away.

Have a great day and stay strong
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« Reply #49 on: July 20, 2015, 11:29:27 AM »

Just a quick update... .

She did message me to wish me a happy birthday last week and asked how I was doing.  She let me know that she is desperate for a new job, and I asked her if she just wanted to get away from the replacement (they work together).  She said no, and actually he quit and his last day is this week.  She said "I'm glad.  It will be nice not working together anymore.  We definitely spend too much time together."  Not a good thing to say about your partner, I think.  I wanted to tell her to expect him to push away again as a result of leaving his job, but I didn't.  And then... .

Last night at 11:00, my phone rang.  It was her.  By the time I picked up, she had disconnected.  I was concerned, and sent her a text asking if she was okay.  Again, I worry about the replacement turning violent with her during a fight.  She replied back that she "immediately regretted" dialing my number and was having a terrible night.  She didn't want to elaborate.  I asked her why she regretted trying to call, and she said "I can't depend on you.  I need to deal with this myself."  Um, yeah.  I told her I respected her decision (validation?) and THEN she called me.

She was sobbing hysterically on the phone, but didn't want to talk about why.  I know it was about the replacement.  I said little other than confirming she was home and alone, and letting her know I was sorry she was upset.  Oddly, she apologized for being a "(poopy) friend" unprompted.  I could hear her phone buzzing with text messages (from the replacement, obviously) multiple times as we spoke.  The last few were seconds apart.  That is when she told me she had to go, but that she loved me and thanked me for taking her call.

I texted her this morning to make sure she was okay.  She said "Yeah I'm good.  Thanks for taking my call.  I'm sorry."  She sure apologizes a lot.  Probably because she has to say it to him so often.  I told her I loved her and cared about her, and she simply responded "Thank you."

I'm feeling oddly disconnected from all of this.  I'm sad that she's going through this and I care enough to post about it here, but I'm also feeling validated that she made the wrong decision.  She is now the non in a BPD relationship, although she has BPD herself.  Back when I was replaced in March, I was a wreck.  Now I'm kind of at peace with it all.  It's a constant thing for her.  And I just think of my time with her like you would reflect on any life memory.  It's not as intense anymore.

I wonder what will happen after the replacement is officially no longer her co-worker.  I'd like to think she will make the right decision, but she seems fully enmeshed in his chaos.  Sad.  And I feel little when she tries to make me part of it.  Good, I guess.
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rotiroti
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« Reply #50 on: July 20, 2015, 12:45:58 PM »

I wonder if she was really validated because instead of processing it, from the post it appears that she was able to hide from it by being soothed by you. My ex did this often as instead of processing hurtful emotions they would just project it onto others and have them process it for them. I say this from only knowing the information given from the update. Just my 2 cents!
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« Reply #51 on: July 20, 2015, 06:08:51 PM »

That seems like what happened.  She said calling me was a "moment of weakness" and professed herself as "good" this morning.  She definitely wasn't last night.  It's like a walked by a scene of abuse and was shooed away and told not to look back.  Sad.

Man, what a change from just four months ago.
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« Reply #52 on: July 20, 2015, 10:30:20 PM »

To me it sounds like a very big projection to swing you back towards potentially trusting her.

Are you prepared to empathize with and accept, but not agree with her words?
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« Reply #53 on: July 21, 2015, 10:12:59 AM »

Valet, I have learned to do just that.  She will be terribly upset, but goes right back with him.  Even as we were on the phone on Sunday night, I could hear her phone buzzing with texts from him, and she would tell me to hold on as she read them.  After about three "buzzes" in about 30 seconds, she abruptly told me she had to go.  Obviously he was demanding a response from her, and she had to give it to him.

The interesting part of the entire exchange between she and I was that she never mentioned WHY she was upset, other than she was "having a bad night."  I alluded to it being due to the replacement, and while she didn't deny it, she also didn't want to talk about it.  It was maybe a 5 minute conversation where the majority was her sobbing into the phone and telling me she was sorry for being a bad "friend" to me, and that she loved me for taking her call.  It was the equivalent of just holding a person as they cried and not asking questions.

That is the way it has been the last few times she has told me about fighting with him.  She acknowledges it, is upset, but doesn't want to talk about it.  To me, that seems odd, but maybe as a pwBPD, she doesn't have the ability to discuss those things.

The replacement's last day working with her is this week.  She won't be required to see him after that.  She has told me in the past she has thought about breaking up with him if she got another job.  Now he has done that for her.  It probably also explains why there was another fight - he's testing her to see if she will abandon him.  If she remains with him after he leaves their employer, then his claws are fully secure in her.

Me?  With each passing day, I care less and less.  I just worry about her being in a potentially volatile situation.  But that is her choice.
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« Reply #54 on: July 21, 2015, 02:01:51 PM »

Excerpt
That is the way it has been the last few times she has told me about fighting with him.  She acknowledges it, is upset, but doesn't want to talk about it.  To me, that seems odd, but maybe as a pwBPD, she doesn't have the ability to discuss those things.

This doesn't sound odd to me.

Do you think it is possible she is content being upset (victim) vs talking it out with you? (where then may follow the expectation of her taking some responsibility and doing something about it)

Is it possible she is content just dumping her emotions in your lap?  Letting you participate in her soothing and stopping it there?
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« Reply #55 on: July 21, 2015, 02:32:37 PM »

Staff only

The topic of discussion has reached it's post limit and is now locked. You're welcome with starting a new or similar thread. Thanks.
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