Thank you for being here

[cantfindausername]

Although we do not have a formal diagnosis, my son has all the traits of a BPD teen. He is 18 years old. We have an interview at McLean. I am hoping he will agree to, and is accepted into the 4-6 week day program. We cannot afford this and I think it is deplorable that these programs do not take insurance. We will take out a loan for this treatment and hotel costs. I would like to connect with someone who has gone through this program Mon-Thurs 9-3 and Fri 9-2. Minimum of 4 weeks. $12,000 and $600 for each additional day if needed. If you could tell me how you keep your child on track after treatment I would appreciate it. We have very limited resources where we live.

Thank you.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi cantfindanunusedusername  

Welcome to bpdfamily  BPD can be quite a challenging disorder to deal with. Since when has your son been exhibiting these traits? Has he ever received any form of treatment or therapy before?

Though BPD can be a challenging disorder, there are people with BPD who have learned to better manage their difficult thoughts and emotions and by doing so have improved their behavior.

Since you mention the resources being very limited where you live, you might find the website DBT Self Help interesting. That website is a service for people who are seeking information about Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT has been proven to be effective for certain people with BPD. The site was primarily written by people who have been through DBT themselves. On DBT Self Help people talk about the experiences they've had on their DBT journey.

PS. I like your username!

[lbjnltx]

Hello cantfindanunusedusername,

Welcome to the Parenting Board. 

I'm sorry to hear that you are finding it so difficult to get proper treatment for your son.  I had the same problem with my daughter where we lived.  No formal DBT programs within 100 miles.

We did do partial DBT and CBT outpatient for over 2 years and chose to do 10 months residential.  The longer term, well chosen, affective program with willing participants is the best bet though there are still no guarantees.

McLean is an excellent program and a good foundation for follow up therapy.  I guess the greatest factor is your son's willingness to do the hard work and follow through after the program. 

How does he feel about going to McLean and being inpatient?

Through what I learned here on this site and being fully invested in my daughter's recovery I was able to make good choices.  Having clarity and reasonable expectations tempered with hope we made it and she continues to do well 4 years after RTC.

lbjnltx

[cantfindausername]

My son was in the outpatient intensive program and we found it to be very helpful. We live 2.5 hours away and so we stayed in a hotel. I wish we lived closer so we could continue with those wonderful and extremely knowledgeable therapists!

[lbjnltx]

You lived in a hotel for 4 weeks?  Wow 

Where are you seeing improvements in your son?  Is he using the skills consistently and are you seeing a change in his belief system?

[cantfindausername]

Yes we did stay in a hotel for 4 weeks. We will be paying for that for a while.  He is doing well. We see a huge improvement and think he is "working the program". He does see a therapist who is trained in dbt biweekly. It took a while to find one! it. Was strongly suggested he join a skills integration group but we can't find one. He is whining about "talking about the same things over and over" with his therapist but so far still willing to go. He has no friends no social life and it worries me.

[Kwamina]

Hi cantfindanunusedusername

Great to hear your son is doing well and has made significant improvements

I understand your worries about his social life and him not having any friends. Has he himself said anything about this? Do you know how he feels about his social life?

It's very positive that he has the support of a therapist trained in DBT

Has he discussed it with his therapist that he feels like he's talking about the same things over and over again in therapy?

[Vivienne V.]

I am so worried about you after reading your post! I am worried that you are spending so much of your money for something that your son may not even be ready for since you say you "hope" he will participate and because you said that you can't afford this. As a parent of two daughters with BPD, I am living under this kind of financial stress because of the treatments that I have paid for (and will be paying off for years to come) and so I just want to be sure that this is something that you feel is completely necessary at this point. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being unsupportive. I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through and I want to tell you that it's okay for you to put yourself first... .You will have zero control over keeping an adult son on track, but will still be faced with the loan payoff for the treatment. I get so frustrated each month that I make a payment for the treatment my daughter received four years ago and yet she is still making such poor choices. She entered treatment at age 15, and I didn't really have a choice about putting her in since it was Dr's orders. If she were 18 and it was up to me to pay the bill... .hmmm... I'd have to really think about taking on that burden. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter with all my heart and would do anything to help her get better! But I have come to realize that it is only by taking care of myself first that I can truly be able to help my daughter, and living with the stress of super tight finances sometimes gets in the way of allowing me to be the best caretaker that I can be. I wish sometimes that there was someone whispering in my ear: "it's okay to say no. it's okay to say no".   

[Reg23]

Do you know about dbt path? Google it- online dbt classes starting in the next few days!