divorce from a BPD ~

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am in the process of getting a divorce from a BPD. She is falsely accusing me of many things. She is making false accusation against my family members.

Please provide any advice.

[Rocky1]

I am in the process of getting a divorce from a BPD. She is falsely accusing me of many things. She is making false accusation against my family members.

Please provide any advice.

[FannyB]

Hi Rocky

There's a special board dedicated to divorce and custody issues - you may find answers there from previous threads.

[livednlearned]

Hi Rocky1,

Welcome to the Family Law board -- many members here have been through a high-conflict divorce (including false allegations). One of the best resources out there, especially if you anticipate a custody battle, is the book Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a BPD/NPD Spouse by Bill Eddy. He also founded High Conflict Institute and there are some articles on the site that may be useful: www.highconflictinstitute.com.

You mention that you are in the process of getting a divorce -- are you living separately? Have either of you filed? What are the false allegations she is making?

It can feel gutting to go through this, especially in the early stages when you're trying to get oriented and figured out what just hit you. There are many senior members here with a lot of collective wisdom to help you through the process. You're not alone. People here understand and really do care.

Please let us know how you're doing when you're ready to share more.

LnL

[ForeverDad]

False allegations are a good indicator that this will be a high conflict divorce.  Sadly, both good and bad here, professionals probably follow guidelines and are very reluctant to call allegations false or lies.  Of course, you have to defend yourself, often dry facts versus emotionally compelling claims.  The typical outcome is "unsubstantiated", a very passive term that really doesn't resolve the allegation.  Apparently the professionals see it as a variation on 'whistle blower' laws and don't want to scare off the reporter from making future allegations.  Somewhat uncommon is a stronger finding of "unfounded".  Maybe you'll get a "reporter is not credible" - passive courtspeak for Liar! - but that too can be rare.

Attacking your relatives too is another predictable tactic.  Your relatives were painted black probably even before you were painted black.  Since many people automatically shrink away from conflict, it's an attempt to drive them away and leave you without support.  Unless they're convicted child abusers or addicts, court and other professionals will largely ignore the allegations.