EX Fiance

[aldocas35]

I am an ex bf of a female BPD an by EX i mean just a few days , one minute we were fine and she had made me breakfast within 3 hours we had a disagreement over something she said and she went into a 5-10 minutes diatribe on all my shortcomings (i did not intend to marry her, i led her to bankruptcy, i was mentally abusive,mean to her two kids) all extremely untrue an irrational , yes i was not bringing in enough money ,yes she did not agree with me on how to discipline her children which i have to say i would not had been involved with any of it and felt obliged and took control over it because she never felt any love from them and children have been taught to hate her because of her ex husbands hate for her . I have witnessed too many suicide and cutting attempts by her and the most recent attempt i found her in bathroom trying to hang herself with a blow dryer cord on the shower door in bathroom , it led me into a deep depression that i could not tell anyone and if i told her parents she feared they would tell her ex husband the father of her two kids and her children would be taken away and then that would also lead to her possible suicide . Yes quite a quagmire and most difficult thing ever i have been through and i reacted to all this by trying to micro manage every situation that could lead to a meltdown or a suicide attempt . I have been through a breakup with her within 7 months of us having started dating and within a few days of knowing her she hung up on me and took something i said really personal and cried , i felt for her and felt guilty for what i thought was an innocent comment. Within next several months their were hangups,blocked calls, Emails , a whirlwind of confusion and i could not make sense of this and eventually things got better only to get worse and finally the breakup where i called her out cause she left me for an ex boyfriend and had been calling and texting at least 5-8 men which was devastating to me and i truly loved this girl ( she is 36 now but a girl emotionally ) when confronted with her actions she turned it on me and that i was awful and never let her in emotionally and she just disappeared and changed her phone number and never returned an email , i could not believe that someone could or would do this and not deal with what just happened or admit to wrong doing . As far as breakups or pain over relationship this was by far the worst i had ever been through only to hear from her 3 months later and pick up as if nothing had happened . Well here we are 2 and half years later and now we are living together and after our disagreement were she yelled her diatribe against me she left the house and i assumed she was going to let off steam and come back , well she never did come back and took refuge at her parents where she goes and tells them how horrible i am and things that i did . I thought she would come back that night but never did and i received text to leave the house or sheriffs would be called well i was floored , i just left and she has since called friends to talk about about me and to ask my friend to make sure i get most of my belongings out of home the next day but asked my friend to make sure not to tell me that she called him . It is like she is on a path to destroy and humiliate me , here i am and its not even a week has passed and sitting on a friends couch where i am currently at waiting for permanent situation , extremely embarrassing and hurtful and to make matters worse we got a small pug dog that is 1 year and 6 months old and i miss him so much , that is not to dismiss my love for my ex but the more i was around her the more i felt the disconnect and common sense says that any person that acts this way can not love even herself or anyone else so i have to shake any feelings for her out of my head but despite it all i truly adored and loved this person and wanted so bad to help her and now i miss her and the black pug. I was done writing and wondered why i wrote so much and well i have never had an outlet until finding this site and wow it made me cry .

[Aussie0zborn]

Hi and welcome. Sorry but its hard for me to read all that when there are no paragraphs. I got to the bit about her ex-husband possibly finding out and maybe taking the children from her.

Why do you think this would be? In other words, why would he take his children away from such a dangerous situation? Because its not safe for them. This is not a competition about who is going to "win" the children, this is about who can provide the safest environment for these innocent children. It doesn't matter which parent raises the children as long as that parent is willing and able and it sounds like she is not able to do that.

You are actually aiding and abetting her in her abuse of those children. People go to jail for that sort of thing and you are helping her get away with it. As responsible adults, we have a duty of care and you are failing those innocent kids. She is never going to thank you for it.

What you're doing is ENABLING her which makes you an ENABLER. That's a not a hat you can wear with pride as you are not doing the right thing by anybody - not yourself, not those children, nobody. I did the same thing so I feel I know what I'm talking about. Maybe those kids are better off with their father?

The problem when you cover for them and help them hide their behaviour is twofold - this in itself is abusive towards you and secondly, when its all over and it comes out, her parents and others will point the finger at you for "destroying" her and being the "horrible" man that you are that left her a wreck and a mere shadow of her former self. Chances are her family already knows something about this so your first action might be to tell her parents exactly what's happening.

Once its over you will feel stupid for covering her bad behaviours and you will be blames for the mess that she is. And if you end up in court, it will be her word against yours and you don't sound like a responsible male so expect to get all the sh*t heaped on you.

In other words, nobody is going to thank you for covering up. The longer you leave it, the longer and harder it is to heal. Run as fast as you can. You are not qualified to help. Please read all the resources here to understand what you are up against. Good luck.