If any of you have a crystal ball, please lend it to me

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I have been away from this website by trying to wade through my BPDw's dramas which have taken place daily. It seems as though if things are going well, there is always something to complain about. Not necessarily about me, but her studies or her work.

When she is away as often as she is, she may actually listen for about a minute by asking me how my day was and will proceed to demand and to dominate the rest of her day of complaining, even though she enjoys her studies. When she is around here, again, her complaints take precedence, because the world needs to revolve around her and will devote all of her free time to her studies while I am quiet in another room or just simply go out to do what I want to do.

You folks have been extremely patient and understanding with me, giving me validations and suggestions, and I truly do appreciate all of you. I just have a hope that once she is done with her studies and that she enjoys her new found profession in 2 years, that she will come to her senses. I know that there are a lot of cynics amongst you, but I am one of those eternal optimists.

I just wish it would be 2 years from now right now in order to see if she holds up to her bargain of being a part of this marriage other than being a partner whose only interests are to feed me and for me to be a continuous listener to her complaints. Even when I offer validations and possible suggestions, she usually just shoots them down by saying she will get over it herself or that she can do it by herself.

In the meantime, my sanity are my side of the family, my friends, movies, teaching, tutoring, and day trips.

If any of you possess a crystal ball, please lend it to me.   

[Samuel S.]

I have been away from this website by trying to wade through my BPDw's dramas which have taken place daily. It seems as though if things are going well, there is always something to complain about. Not necessarily about me, but her studies or her work.

When she is away as often as she is, she may actually listen for about a minute by asking me how my day was and will proceed to demand and to dominate the rest of her day of complaining, even though she enjoys her studies. When she is around here, again, her complaints take precedence, because the world needs to revolve around her and will devote all of her free time to her studies while I am quiet in another room or just simply go out to do what I want to do.

You folks have been extremely patient and understanding with me, giving me validations and suggestions, and I truly do appreciate all of you. I just have a hope that once she is done with her studies and that she enjoys her new found profession in 2 years, that she will come to her senses. I know that there are a lot of cynics amongst you, but I am one of those eternal optimists.

I just wish it would be 2 years from now right now in order to see if she holds up to her bargain of being a part of this marriage other than being a partner whose only interests are to feed me and for me to be a continuous listener to her complaints. Even when I offer validations and possible suggestions, she usually just shoots them down by saying she will get over it herself or that she can do it by herself.

In the meantime, my sanity are my side of the family, my friends, movies, teaching, tutoring, and day trips.

If any of you possess a crystal ball, please lend it to me.   

[yoshitx]

Im 5 years out.    Went No Contact for a year  (that was hard with kids)  now limited controlled contact.

I can't even believe how miserable I was.  My kids were scared but they are doing so much better now.

For me the crystal ball of hindsight says:  Im glad I finally got the hell out.  I wish I had not stuck around to 'make it work' as long as I did  (23 years married) .  It was my pride that told me it was my responsibility  to care for  her.   Now I don't think about her much.   Life is finally good again.

[Yolanda123]

I think I relate to what you're experiencing, feeling like you're in standby, like things will get better when this or that happens... .? For me, my ex always told me 'wait until this or this happens, until I have a better job, more money, or if you would do this or that, I'll change and everything will work out and we'll be happy'. And for a while I believed it and I went on with the Relationship, being patient and waiting for that guy I had Fallen in love with and that great connection to come back... .but then there was always something else that needed to happen or that I needed to do for him, so I came to the point where I did not believe anymore. I think you have to listen to yourself, it's not easy when you're in this chaos of emotions, but I came to the point where I was not ready anymore to put my well being and happiness on hold, in the hands of a person who was so confused. I just could not take the emotional roller coaster anymore. I hope things go well for you.

[going places]

I stood by my man for 25 years, thru thick and thin.

Put him thru school, worked 2 jobs when he'd get fired or spent too much money.

Cooked cleaned, rolled w his 'quirks'... .

I was THE best wife ever.

And he still was a dirt bag. He still had an affair, he still lied to me every single day for 25 years.

He is a monster.

Moving forward, I wait for no one.

Life is short. I'm gonna live it!

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Samuel S.,  If you think your r/s with a pwBPD will be much different two years from now, you are kidding yourself.  Get ready for a rough ride, my friend.  One has to make decisions based on the reality at hand, in my view.  LuckyJim

[zulfiqar]

the crystal ball asks you: how do you know you have 2 years of life ahead of you?

What you have is today and if you're miserable today who cares about those 2 years. Sorry to say but that way of thinking is common when pple are in the FOG or denial. And sorry but I would not call you an optimist but a person who is scared and hurt real bad and thus cant see clearly.  Please get help.

Take care

[OnceConfused]

Tomorrow is  guaranteed to no-one. But today is. So live in the now. You might not be here tomorrow.