confused, dumped again

[ManyPieces]

Hello there,

It has been a while since I have been on here. After the last breakup with my ex I had time to heal and work on me, before I knew it he sensed it and was writing me love letters and coming back. I finally caved and and broke NC and spent a weekend with him. Immediately after he said this won't work and he wishes he could love me like i love him. We aren't the right fit, and he sees me as a friend. This is hard because I have heard this same speech numerous times. Also i feel crushed and humiliated I caved. He just was so convincing that he has changed and I was the love of his life. He wanted to marry me and have a house and babies with me. He seems to always go in with his whole heart and take it away, I don't even know if he has has BPD but the way he gives love and takes it away just feels like abuse to me. I know I shouldn't blame anyone but myself but I have a big heart and very forgiving. I always compare myself to his exes who he always says he loved so much. I am hurting and confused. Any advice on if this BPD characteristics or anything to help me take some blame away from myself.

[Pretty Woman]

Many Pieces,

  When you finally get through this I want you to change your name to:

Whole and Complete


I know how you feel. And he most likely WILL come back again.  I just got the whole "friends" schpeel so my ex could run off with a replacement. I happened to look at emails from years ago... .it's the same story over and over again.

Please read my past posts.  You will see how crazy it's been and all the patterns. I have no idea how she is not exhausted from running all over the country to reunite with her exes.

Honey, at the beginning of my "elationship" which is now what I'm calling it... .she wanted babies, marriage, the picket fence, everything I dreamed of.

What I did not realize is that she was mirroring me. She really didn't want any of it.

These people are "emotional vampires" and they will suck the life out of you. "Projection" allows them to blame YOU. How often did you ever get "I'm sorry"? Even when mine would leave I wouldn't get an apology. Instead she'd tell me she thought "I" changed when she came back and I accepted that silly excuse.

Each time you let them back in it hurts worse when they leave again.

I never changed. I just got more worn and tired of the bullshiz. I was sleeping a lot and getting really annoyed with the constant, ":)o you really love me?" ":)o you really think we will be together forever".

BPD's are like a bucket with a giant hole in them. You can pour all the love in the world into them and they are NEVER filled. Each ex is "The One", the "Love of their Life"... .the one who will save them.

It has taken me awhile to realize my dreams died in this relationship. After being left so many times, Restraining Orders threatened against me, violence I knew my dream of having a baby with this person was unrealistic. She was my 3yo. I would be a single parent chasing her and a child. Alone.

You will get to a point you realize this is beyond you.  You cannot prescribe him a pill and make it all better. This is CORE damage. It takes 4-6yrs of intensive therapy and even then it's no guarantee.

His life will always be running from person to person, leaving carnage wherever he goes.

This is NOT your fault. You just didn't know about BPD. You did not cause his damage.

PW

[Lucky Jim]

He just was so convincing that he has changed and I was the love of his life.

Hey MP, You're right: pwBPD are extremely convincing.  They are experts at manipulation.  It's easy to get lost in the F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt) and other arm-twisting that they do so well.  My suggestion is: don't fall for it.  You don't deserve the abuse.  Move on.

LuckyJim