3 months out today, and it is not getting better

[NonBPDEx]

I was in a relationship with a BPD woman for a year. I have two children. She became part of the family. They became attached to her.

It was clear from the beginning that she had issues - she told me. In fact, she told me just about every symptom of BPD, but I had never heard about it.

She had her own small place when I met her. She was in the process of a divorce. I could not help but feel sorry for her ex. From what she told me he was devistated, but she did not seem to care. The have a child with ADAD.

She was quickly enamored, and in love with me. But she was insecure, jealous, and very clingy. After a while I realized that the 'dinners with friends' never materialized. She was trying to isolate me from my friends. She would keep buying things for me and the kids to the point I would feel guilty.

She would stay at my place for a week once she got to know the kids, and it was always wonderful. The next week I would wake to txt messages sent at 4 am saying 'this was the end' and 'remember I loved you' after she had been gone for a day. I realized after the second message they they were suicide threats.

She started grooming my replacement in November. His wife was dying of cancer. By December she had died. I had to go away for February. I realized when I saw her that she had slept with the guy while I was gone. I broke it up in March and she went totally NC.

I had to see her a couple of weeks ago to swap stuff. She looked great. Said that her and the guy who's wife had died are now a couple. They are very happy and much more at peace that she was with me... .

My oldest son is sad, my younger one angry. And I am not doing well... .

[Lucky Jim]

Hey NonBPDex, I'm sorry to hear.  Sounds tough for you and your kids.  In my view, a r/s with a pwBPD is extremely difficult to sustain over the long haul.  The tools and techniques help, but at the end of the day it's still a rough ride that can wear one down.  Though one year may seem long to you, many of us were in the BPD soup much longer, so in some ways you are lucky to have invested less time and effort than others.  It's OK.  Learn from it and move on.  You may find someone much kinder and more thoughtful in the future, who will be a better influence on your kids.  Hang in there,

LuckyJim

[Loosestrife]

Hi,

I'm really sorry you and your Ss have been thorough this. Could you do something new as a family that would put a gap between your ex and the future - like take up a new leisure pursuit together?

L