At wits end

[Btyjc8002]

My daughter has been getting increasingly worse with her BPD symptoms. She has been displayinganxiety and defiance since age 8. She is now 12 and has become depressed. The biggest problem is no matter how much I ground her she doesn't care. Sometimes she will be thrown into a fit of rage if she is told to do something she doesn't want to do. We recently had to go to the hospital because she had a violent rage episode and I didn't know what else to do. She also has cut herself in the past and still has scars. She sees a therapist, does anyone know what else I can do?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Btyjc8002,

Welcome to the site, I'm glad you reached out and feel comfortable sharing with us. It's helps to have peer support and know you aren't alone.

Has your D been diagnosed with BPD? Do you have anyone else in your family? Siblings? If you have a spouse, how are the two of you coping with your D's behavior?

How did you get your D to the hospital?

I found Blaise Aguirre's book about BPD in Adolescence to be really helpful -- there is a second edition out now that has updated information. He is adamant about diagnosing BPD in kids and not waiting until they are 18, which has been the common practice.

I also remember he wrote that if there is only one takeaway from the book, let it be about validation. Has anyone mentioned this important skill to you? My son (13) was diagnosed ODD, ADHD, then anxiety/depression. The jury is still out about whether he will follow in his dad's footsteps and develop BPD, but I am at least certain he qualifies as a "highly sensitive person" (HSP). I feel that validating his experience is what helped minimize the conflict in our home and has helped him develop a stronger more stable sense of self.

Here are some good resources about validation that I found helpful, especially the one about validating questions. This helps put the problem-solving back in their court so they have some agency:

• The Power of Asking Validating Questions



• Validation and Young Children

• Validation and Teens



• COMMUNICATION: Validation - tools and techniques:



• COMMUNICATION: Validation - stop invalidating others



• BOOK: The Power of Validation (for Parents)



• BOOK: I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better

Hang in there Btyjc8002! I know it's hard. It does get better, though. There are tools and lessons to the right in the sidebar that have helped me understand so much of this awful mental illness. Knowledge really is power  

There's so much more to share! I feel this is a good starting point, and others may have some ideas to share.

LnL

[lbjnltx]

Hello Btyjc 

Just now reading your post and wanted to reach out to you about your daughter and your situation.

My daughter was dx w/emerging BPD at age 12 so I've walked that road you're on... .scary and uncertain.

Livednlearned gave you some great links to check out... .what do think of that info?  It's surprising how much a simple skill like validation can empower us (when we have no idea how to respond to such extreme thoughts and behaviors) and help our kids calm down.

I look forward to learning along side you and sharing experiences.

lbj